Sunday, January 3, 2010

Sticks and Stones

Is it just me? Or do their seem to be a lot more negative and/or inappropriate comments in the good ol' blogosphere lately? I read several blogs that are going through some really devastating times and I have literally had my breath knocked out of me from some of the awful things left to them on their blogs.

I have had a few comments over the course of my time here that have left me angry, upset, or just shaking my head. I used to leave them up, but now I delete them at once. This isn't really the place for such negativity.

I have given some though to refusing to allow anonymous comments, but 99% of the time, my anonymous commentors are great. A lot of the time, it's lurkers who don't have their own blog account, but have something really interesting to say, and I don't want to force someone to go make up an account. Conversely, I figure if someone is bound and determined to leave me a nasty, they are more than capable of taking the thirty seconds to make up an account to do so.

I have tried comment moderation before, which works great for keeping the negative comments off the blog, but doesn't work so great because I still have to see them. And I hate that if I miss one (darn spam folder) or am away from my computer for awhile, the comments don't get put up in a timely manner.

I have though about just disabling comments, but I am not going to lie. . . I love comments! I am not the tye of person to let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch, and in my case, thankfully, the negative comments are very few and far between.

I find that I am more able to shrug off the not-s0-nice comments that are made to me, anyway. I mean, I am the one putting myself out there in a public forum, so I kind of deserve what I get. What I get is a ton of love and support and a bunch of amazing friends in my corner. Everyone little once in awhile, I get the opposite, and I can handle that. The delete function is very easy to operate after all!

The comments that tend to nag at me at the ones left for those friends. I get really fired up and want to find out just who that so-called anonymous poster is and go kick some blogger booty. Last night, I ran across just such a comment on a friend's post, and I was so fired up that I talked to M about it. He reminded me that some people just don't have anything better to do than spew hate and bile. They are no doubt hurting in some way and this cowardly strike out at someone else somehow makes them feel better for a second. I tried to remember that as I forced myself to stay on topic to what the author had posted and answer her questions, rather than fire back a snappy response to her anonymous attacker.

Here, I will continue to use my delete button at will. . . and please remember, if you do want to address something to me, I am always happy to do so via e-mail. I have had many people contact me that way, and I have even had some friendships arise out of what might have just been a negative comment. I just prefer to keep it clean here on this space.

Edited: For now, comment moderation has been enabled. I will allow any comments on the general topic that was in this post. I will allow comments that do not disparage another blogger. I will allow comments that are anonymous so long as they are not inflammatory. Please feel free to contact me with questions. I am away from my computer for the rest of the day, so if you do not see your comment up right away, please be patient.

23 comments:

HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm lucky that I don't get many bad comments. But I have been seeing A LOT of well meaning, but not well thought out comments lately. (Not for me, but for friends.) That is why I wrote that post on commenting.

Maybe the holidays have been hard on a lot of people and they are lashing out because of their pain.

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

Well said. Mean people suck.

Gina said...

I totally agree with you. I have gone to other blogs and read nasty comments that make my stomach hurt. I then leave a comment to defend them... only for that hateful person to come back and attack me. I have decided that my blog is my house... I will not allow anyone to come to my house and be rude. Nope. Delete. I don't think we should allow them a forum. It just makes them addicted to doing it.

manapan said...

I had a Blogspot account before merged with Google and it was better then. More spam than anonymous vitriol, you know? Maybe that was just because not so many people thought of blogs as a part of everyday life back in 2004.

That said, I moved to Wordpress specifically for the commenting functions. I like that I only have to moderate comments from each person once, then they're automatically approved from there on.

Gibson Twins said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Gibson Twins said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gibson Twins said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SaraL said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kllklkl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ms. J said...

Wow, just getting a chance to read all of this drama!

COMPASSION, people, and play nice! (As I tell Lil Pumpkin, "or I will take away that toy and you will not get it back until tomorrow at the earliest!") I will admit that a few years back I was a very black & white person, meaning that I tend to not see the shades of grey that exist in people's life circumstances, and how they were shaped, if not brusied, by them.

Perhaps for some people it takes the experience of being fertility-challenged, or even worse the horrible experience(s) of miscarriage or infant loss to help them emerge as a more kind and understanding person. I don't wish anybody to have to go through these experiences in order to possess that personality trait, though. Just saying that I doubt people who have gone through horrid, horrid, gut-wrenching things would be so cruel and dismissive of others' feelings.

SaraL said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
SaraL said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GibsonTwins said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ms. J said...

When I think back to the first 4-5 months we were home from China, the word that comes to mind to characterize it is not "easy." It was grueling, painful, scary, rewarding, challenging, confusing, sad, amazing, and uplifting to watch our daughter go through so much emotional upheaval, grieve the loss of her foster family (after having lost her birth family), learn to trust again, and begin to assimilate and thrive in both a new language and culture.

And then several months after that I did not find it easy to sign consent forms to have her chest cracked and put on a bypass machine, help her prepare for her open heart surgery, nor watch & assist her recover from it, both physically and emotionally.

It has been our privilege as her parents to be witness to all of it, and to be granted the chance to be her Forever Family. But easy? No, it was not.

For what it's worth, my perspective comes from someone whose child has been a good sleeper and eater from the start. I can't imagine nightmares, feeding issues, and so on on top of that, which many adoptive parents deal with. But then again, they may not be able to have imagined how they could have dealt with the issues we faced.

Their journey is as valid as ours, and I don't dismiss their struggles, and appreciate those who don't dismiss ours.

Nicky said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I theorize this is some sort of post-holiday cosmic mental breakdown. It seems that many of the blogs I read are experiencing this, as well as some of the interactive message forums.

It's like everyone got tired of playing nice with their families and had to find another outlet for all that pent-up anger and frustration. Entertaining as long as one is not the target. :(

Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michele said...

I completely understand! I've had some in recent days too. It sucks!