Monday, January 25, 2010

Memorial Monday

It's been awhile since I have had the honor of posting a Memorial Monday on this site. As a refresher, to be featured in a Memorial Monday, please click on my e-mail through my profile page. You may write your story yourself or provide me the details necessary to write it for you. Pictures, poetry, whatever you want to include to make your Memorial more meaningful to you, all is welcome. If you'd like to link back to your personal blog, please provide the information.

This week's Memorial Monday is in honor of Justina and her lost baby, Hope, written in her own words.

My name is Justina. I do not have a blog. I didn't read blogs until a few weeks ago when my baby Hope died.

I was six months pregnant with my little girl when I went to my doctors appointment and they couldn't find a heartbeat. The nurse knew right away and said your baby is dead but the doctor said we can't be sure until we get pictures of the babys heart.

My boyfriend was at work since most of my appointments had been boring. My mom was going to come with me but she was sick. I was all by myself. I went to the hospital and they gave me a bracelet and had me sit in the waiting room. There were a lot of women there who were having babies and because of that I had to wait a long time.

Finally I got to have the ultrasound and the person doing it kept the screen turned away from me. She didn't say anything to me and went to get a doctor. The doctor was young, he looked like someone on a t.v. show about doctors. He walked in and said to me your baby is dead. Just like that. He said I would have to deliver her and that I could go home to get some things if I needed to. I just stared at him and was still trying to understand that my baby was dead. He asked me if I understood english and I told him yes but I think I am in shock. He said that I could go right into a room and not have to go home.

But I didn't want to do that. So I went home. I didn't call anybody, I just went to bed and slept for the rest of the day. When my mom kept calling to see how the appointment went I just let the phone ring and ring. When my boyfriend came home I told him what had happened and he got mad at me for coming home and going to bed. He told me that I had to go to the hospital. He made me get my clothes on and pack some things in a bag. He called my mom for me.

We went back to the hospital and I had to deliver my baby girl. She didn't look like a normal baby but I loved her anyway. We named her Hope because I hope that she didn't feel any pain and hope that she knew how much I love her. I went back home and went back to bed. Its been almost a month and my boyfriend told me its time to get over Hope and move on or he will leave me but I almost don't care because I am not ready to move on.

Thank you for putting Hope on your page.

7 comments:

Stacey said...

To Justina,

I am so sorry. Thank you for having the courage and strength to share your story about your precious Hope. We will remember her and honor her life with you. Hugs & prayers to you.

Debby said...

Oh Justina I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through and my heart breaks for you. As time goes by I hope you find the strength to go back to life, never forgetting your baby of course, but remembering her and doing what she would want you to do and being strong. I will pray for you and also hope you find support and love in your friends and family around you. Have you thought about joining a grief support group? There is one organization that offers groups that has been helpful to a friend who suffered a similar loss. You can check it out here: http://griefshare.org/

heartincharge said...

Justina, Hope is a beautiful name and very appropriate. Allow yourself to grieve however you need to. I am praying for you.

HereWeGoAJen said...

Justina, I am thinking about you and Hope. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Annalien said...

Justina, my heart goes out to you! This is such a sad story and I pray that you can find some more support than you currently seem to have. You need time to grieve your baby girl. My prayers are with you.

Ms. J said...

Crying along with you. I am deeply sorry about your sweet little Hope. Please consider starting a blog and talking about this (or anything else). We would all love to comfort you and provide support. HUGS.

Christina said...

Dear Justina, your gorgeous Hope is bigger than my babies were and I still mourn them. I will join with Stacey and others in remembering and honouring her life with you.