Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Other Side of the Story

We arrived at Dr. S's office 10 minutes before our appointment time and took our seats. . . the waiting room was crowded, so we sat in the exact same chairs as we had over three years ago on December 8, 2006. That was the horrible, awful day that we had found out we had lost our precious Gummy Bear, at 11 weeks, 2 days. It was just today that I realized that that it was the same appointment time, too.

We were led back to the exact same exam room (this is a large practice, so there are many rooms to choose from). It was my favorite nurse who roomed us, but she was also there that day, too.

Dr. S came in, jovial as usual. I could barely concentrate on the questions he asked. I had weighed in lost more weight, so he wanted to write me a new prescription for anti-nausea medication. We talked about other things, but I was only half listening, the rest of me caught in the past, to the almost exact same conversation we'd had about my nausea and what to take for it.

He suddenly stood up and said, "Well, we've put it off as long as I think we should. Let's get the u/s machine."

I lost it, then. I was crying by the time they rolled in the machine. K stood by my side, holding my hand, watching the screen with as much concern and interest as M and me.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Dr. S asked.

"I'm seeing a heartbeat," I said as the breath of air I'd been holding in whooshed out of me.

"Yes. And the baby is measuring. . . 10 weeks, 5 days." Which is only three days off my original dates and perfectly in line for a healthy pregnancy. As he put it, "Perfect."

That day, so long ago, I remember thinking of the way it should have been, the alternate universe where we left smiling and holding pictures of our baby. Today, I got to live that reality. I kept crying, but my tears were those of joy.

K patted my hand and said, "I am so happy for you guys."

Dr. S jiggled my tummy and our baby rolled over, waved his or her little arms, kicked, and swam. My tears made the image blurry, but I could still see it.

The rest of the appointment went as expected, and we left, clutching our pictures. I was still crying (what a goof!), but these tears, well. . .

There was a day, not so very long ago, that I feared I would never be a mother. Then, we were blessed with Will. And to be given this miracle again. . . I am humbled, I am in awe, I am not sure how I am worthy. I know so many are still waiting, I know that there is not a lot of fairness in this double blessing.

It's been almost three hours and I am still crying. I cried through our nice dinner out. I cried as we picked Will up from my girlfriend's, and I have been crying as I type this. These are tears of happiness, of relief, of gratitude, and of sadness for those that are still "left behind."

Today, I got to live the other side of infertility, the dream. I wish for each of you the very same blessing with all of my heart.

32 comments:

manapan said...

YAY!!!!! I'm so happy for you guys! ((hugs))

Laura said...

I am so, so, incredibly happy for you! Congratulations!

Kathy said...

I got chills reading your post and am crying tears of joy as I type this Katie! I am so incredibly happy for you and your sweet family! You so derserve this happiness! YAY! WAHOO! YIPEE! (((HUGS)))

Elise said...

So very, very happy for you!

And so it goes said...

I am crying tears of joy along with you. Absolute joy. Beautiful.

Julie, Todd and Kate said...

Oh Katie, I am so thrilled for you guys! What an amazing story. I'm so happy that your little peanut is growing just as he/she ought to be! What a relief! Congrats!

Nurse Lochia said...

Oh, so glad to see it went awesome! Congrats!

Ashley said...

I've been thinking about you all day! So glad you got to come out on the other side this time! Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy!!!

Mel said...

I am so incredibly happy to read this. You made my whole day!
*hugs*

mummydr said...

A big smile here too. Wonderful news, congratulations.

Joy said...

Amazing, sweetie!!!!!!!!! I've got feelings about the gender so it'll be fun to see, in just a couple more weeks, what you're having if you choose to find out!!!

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annalien said...

Throughout this post I felt like I had been holding my breath along with you/ I am so very happy for you. I pray that this pregnancy continues to be healthy and also that you feel better physically very soon.

Patricia said...

Wow this is the best news ever. I'm so glad for you and your family.

Meemaw

Debby said...

hooray!!!! i am so so happy for you! It is so amazing to be where you are, all on your own, all natural, after everything. God is SO good!

Amanda said...

I'm crying tears of happiness for you!!!! Amazing!!! Wonderful!!! Beautiful!!! I am so happy for you all!!!

I hope the new meds work to at least lessen the nausea.

Stacy Woodruff said...

And now I'm crying. That's great. Truly awesome. Here's to a healthy happy rest of the pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

I am soooo happy for you. I cried all during my pregnancy and know I'll cry if I ever get another chance. Thank you for sharing your story. Best wishes.

cheryllookingforward said...

Congratulations! I cried like crazy during my "same" appointment and I remember the surreal feeling of leaving the office with tears of joy. It's wonderful to see how far we've come!

Beth said...

crying happy tears for you! thrilled and amazed, right along with you. Awesome news, Katie!

Rachel said...

I am so glad all was well.

J said...

I am so very happy for you guys! That is such great news...it made my day. :)

Jackie

Eileen said...

Congratulations on a beautiful heartbeat! Here from LFCA.

~Hollie said...

WONDERFUL!!

Laura said...

Congrats! So happy for your family!

K @ ourboxofrain said...

Hooray! What awesome news! Congrats, Katie.

Roadblocks and Roller Coasters said...

There are no words to describe how happy I am for you sweetie! ((many hugs))

Anonamom said...

Oh Joy!!!! Congratulations seems a silly, overly simple thing to say. I am so happy for you. We just got our 1st heartbeat last week, and today we go for another check. I am so hopeful that we will still be smiling at the end of today. God bless~!!!

Nicky said...

Congrats!

Jen said...

That is such wonderful news!!!

Michele said...

Great news!

Polka Dot said...

I'm soooo glad to hear everything is better than ok! You deserve this just as much as any of us, so please spend more time celebrating and less time grieving for us.

*hugs*

Geohde said...

Fabulous, just wonderful,

g