My sister has been saying since she was about sixteen that she does not want any children. She met and married a man who felt the same way. They have remained steadfast in the fact that kids were not in the future for them. And this wasn't in response to people pestering and badgering them about having kids, because to my knowledge, no one was doing that. No, this was their very vocal and consistent message. My sister's husband has made some comments to me about "wasting" my life being a SAHM and my sister has also said that she is "too selfish" to be a good mom. They have a dog that they dote on and said that was all the responsibility or "kid" they'd ever need.
When we last talked about it (this past February), she had just had an IUD put in to give them five years to make absolute certain that they didn't want kids and then her husband was going to have a vasectomy. She shared this information with anyone and everyone. They were proud of their decision to live kid-free.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out where this one is going. My sister is 7 weeks pregnant, due in March. We hadn't spoken since early May and she called me a few days ago. She didn't ask about Emma or Will, just launched into her Big Announcement and then asked to borrow my maternity clothes and pregnancy books. Apparently, the decided that they did want to have kids and got the IUD removed in May and got pregnant their first month trying in June.
I have such mixed feeling about this. I am obviously happy for them since this is a wanted pregnancy. They are married, have a home, both have steady jobs, and really have an ideal situation to bring a baby into this world. Being honest, however, there is just an element of "It's not fair!" about the whole thing.
During our infertility journey, I met so many women who desperately want to be mommies for years and years. They endure so much to get there and some of them still are waiting. There are some that will never have a baby of their own, despite all of their efforts. Here is my sister and brother-in-law, who never "wanted" kids and all of a sudden, they want a baby and BAM! Pregnant. Do I wish infertility on my sister? Absolutely not. I pray for the health of this baby she is carrying every single day. I'm not really sure what I wish.
That's not true, actually. I know exactly what I wish. I wish my sister and I were closer. I wish that I could depend on our relationship. She runs very hot and cold and just when I feel that we're in a good place, she yanks the rug out from under me. She has a terrible relationship with my mom, to the point that she got married and none of our family was there. I have learned to take what I can get from my sister. When she wants a relationship, I am eager to spend time with her, but I also have learned to hold myself just a bit at arm's length and not get emotionally involved. It hurts too much when she runs cold again.
I don't want to do that with this baby. I don't want to have to hold my heart back and I won't. I didn't really think I would get to be an aunt, at least not for awhile and I am so excited to have the opportunity. I am thrilled our kids will be close in age. And perhaps being a mom will soften my sister and bring us closer. Yes, that is what I wish. With all of my heart.