Monday, August 9, 2010

Salt In the Wound

My sister and her husband were in town this weekend for a Mariner's game and stopped by to meet Emma and bring Will his birthday gift.

It was good to see them and I passed along two huge tubs of maternity clothes and all of my pregnancy books. She talked more about how she cried when she found out about the pregnancy (and not tears of joy, she was sure to add) and how she was about to tell her husband that she wanted to go back on the Pill and that she wasn't ready for "this." She also made a crack about her husband pushing her down the stairs so she would miscarry.


I managed to bite my tongue. She is clearly afraid of labor and delivery and the raising of a baby, so I am trying to chalk it up to that. She started crying when I mentioned that she would need a catheter if she had an epidural. I didn't tell her that the catheter will be the least of her worries. I just told her that they put the catheter in after they do the epidural and that she won't even feel it. She still cried.

I was proud of myself for staying even keeled, especially after the "push down the stairs" comment.

It's gonna be a long eight months.


Jen said...

As you know from my earlier post, my sis is pregnant too (also an oops baby) but I've had very much the opposite reaction to it. I'm so freakin' excited. If she hadn't gotten KU'd on accident, she probably wouldn't have tried for years and then we would have missed out on raising our daughters together which I'm thrilled about. It has been so fun to share pregnancy experiences together and be her first source of information since most of her friends don't have kids. That said I've always had a great relationship with my sister, and she was very supportive during my IF treatments (in fact she has said she feels guilty over having an oops baby). Also I feel like I got off pretty easy on the IF treatments. Really an IUI with femara followed by a surprise is nothing compared to what others have gone through.

I'm not trying to say your reaction is wrong. We can't control how we feel, so don't let my comment come across that way. I am curious what is at the root of this. Is it simply that she got lucky so easily, her upset at being preggo or does it stem back to your relationship with her in general? You don't have to answer. Just food for thought.

Searching said...

I have been through alot of comments like this, having had just about everybody around me go through pregnancies and seeing as I am the only childless person I am apparently "safe" to whine to. If there is something worse than sale in a wound, this it it. Like a gaint econo size jar of pickle juice applied with a baseball bat, perhaps. The things people say are just ghastly. Sometimes they truly mean it and sometimes it's just how their frustration/fear/inconvenience assembles itself in their mind. It's hard to explain to my husband that my tears of bitterness aren't about the baby (NEVER would wish anything on a baby, no matter who their family is), but about the mother's attitude, reaction, lack of gratitude for all she has that she is darn lucky to have. So hard when they say these things to me, KNOWING how it's been. Not many truly know so that number has been few, but for you, your sister knows. If she said those sort of things I would need a long hot shower to cry it out in. There's really not anything else you can do. Cry and pray hard for an easy pregnancy and birth and healthy baby.

I'm sorry. :(

HereWeGoAJen said...

Yeah, those are terrible things to say. No matter how she really feels, you can't take things like that back.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry she said those thoughtless things to you. However, my reaction to the post is to laugh at how she has *no idea* what she is in for if she does indeed have a RLB. The catheter is so nothing! She is right to be worried because she is in for it! The newborn period almost broke me.

Anonymous said...

It WILL be a long 8 months & long 18 years after that.
I can't believe the comment she made. Those fertiles don't know how good they have it.

Sophie said...

My sister withheld the knowledge of her #3 (very easy, kinda oops but not really) pregnancy until I was out of the first trimester with my incredibly hard-won fifth (but first RLB) pregnancy. I felt betrayed. I had been ecstatically reporting the millimeters of growth week by week, while she (a fertile mertyl) was just chugging away, silently.
I was bitter, also secretly thinking she was stealing my thunder: She could get pregnant easily, whenever she wanted- but my first born coincided with her oh-hey,look, it's a no big deal #3. That took me a long time to reconcile.
It's easier now. It is nice to have cousins so close. But it sure would be nicer to have a sister who truly understood and was empathetic to my journey.

Amanda said...

Wow. Just wow. (((Hugs)))

Rebecca said...

I would have lost should tell her that the catheter is much better than actually getting up and walking!

Anonymous said...


Stacey said...

I'm just reading this post and the previous one and can totally understand your frustration with this general attitude/situation. I'm not sure how you held your tongue with that very crude and hurtful comment. :(

On a lighter note, I do hope that your relationship will improve through this. Being an aunt is one of the greatest joys of my life, and I'm sure you'll be a good one!