Sunday, February 21, 2010

No Regrets


My mom called last night. She has changed her mind, promises to behave appropriately regardless of Sweet Pea's gender, and wants a phone call with the verdict.

Um. Okay.

Here's the deal. My mom is terrible at pretending to be okay with something. Not that she's a bad liar or actress, she just doesn't bother pretending. She is also really good at pushing my buttons. She knows exactly what to say and how to say it to rile me up. She almost seems to enjoy it at times.

She says that she was more convinced it was a girl when I was pregnant with Will, so she was both surprised and disappointed when it was a boy. For some reason, the gender isn't "as important" to her this time around. She apologized and admitted her past behavior was "not something to be proud of." This is a first. Whenever we've discussed her reaction previously, she has always justified it.

M is very opposed to me calling my mom. He has very good reason and a lot of history to back his stance up. From our engagement to our wedding, to Will's gender announcement to his birth, my mom has always tried to ruin the big moments of our life together. She isn't even subtle about it. This was the first time I have put on my "big girl panties" and refused to play the game.

But one not-so-small indisputable fact remains. This is my mom. Thirty years ago, this woman was pregnant with me. For the past 30 years, she has been my mom, for better or worse. Our rocky relationship really didn't start until I was out on my own. in my young twenties. For over two-thirds of my life, we had a wonderful relationship. Even with the negativity, I would still classify our relationship as decent. I love her. She loves me. She is my mother and the grandmother of this baby.

I don't really see how I cannot call her.

I just hope I don't regret it.


PamalaLauren said...

Well maybe she's learned from the whole Will incident at how no matter what, any gender will be wonderful. I think people often have beliefs on how things will be (for instance I dreaded having a girl and now I happy I'm not having a boy with this one) and when something is thrown in to throw off the plans they made they don't react properly. But she's experienced that once and seems to realize how wrong those feelings were before.

You know I say don't get your hopes up. Call her but if she reacts badly just remember that it's not a surprise.

HereWeGoAJen said...

My vote is that you call her tonight, tell her that your ultrasound has been moved to Wednesday, and then have plenty of time for your joy over your boy or girl before you have to worry about her reaction at all.

Katie said...

Oooh, Jen.

Very sneaky.

Danifred said...

I LOVE Jen's idea!

Is a text inappropriate ;)

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you sweetie. ((hugs))

Rebecca said...

I don't know if this will help or not, but I have a similar situation with my father. He is in and out of my life and Husband can't stand him. We have made the decision (with my father and his parents) that no matter what, we won't try to influence or do anything to block their relationship with their grandkids. It's not our place. It's the most difficult thing in the world sometimes, but you do it b/c it's the right thing to do. You do it b/c, as you said, she's your mother. You do it b/c that thought jumps into your head, "would I want my daughter to do this to me?" Or maybe that just happens to me and you can ignore this entire comment! Good luck tomorrow no matter what!

Sunny said...

Jen is brilliant.

I wouldn't have the guts to do that, though. I think it's big of you to call her, and I really hope for both your sakes that she doesn't blow her chance.

It is what it is said...

I fully and utterly agree with Jen! Given the history with your mom (and believe me, I share a similar difficult relationship with mine (but for different reasons) with my mom knowing just how to push my buttons, never being unconditionally supportive of anything (even though she thinks she is), and always making my big events about her) you should revel in your news before having to contend with her response to it, no matter what that is.
Good luck...many of us will be waiting :)

Anonymous said...

I was going to ask if M could call her, but I like Jen's idea better!

I hope everything goes well and she's happy no matter what the gender is.