Ohio Nurse and Jen both asked if I am worried about how excited my mom is about Emma's impending arrival and her feelings for Will.
Yes and no.
Yes, I am obviously concerned that Will might sense some sort of preference for a girl from my mom in the future. I really don't think it will affect him too much right now, but down the line, it could be an issue.
The reason that I am not that worried about it, however, is that my mom knows better than to ever make Will feel like anything less than. I am not saying she can't comment on his behavior, my parenting, etc. I fully expect that from her. I am saying that, when he was 8 weeks old and she told me she didn't love him or feel any sort of attachment to him, I was d-o-n-e.
I told her she had burned her third strike when it came to my son. I meant it then and I mean it now. I would walk away from a relationship with my mom if it became toxic for either of my children without a second of hesitation. You might think, yeah, right. But I know my mom. I know that if she thinks she can play games, she will. And I am not playing a game when it comes to the well-being of my kids. I love my mom and I would not do this lightly, but do it, I would.
Would I absolutely hate it if my own daughter ever said or did anything like that to me in the future. You're darn right I would, I wince just thinking about it. And I vow right now to make sure that Emma never has any reason to disassociate from me. I am not saying I will be perfect, I know I will make many mistakes as a parent, but there are lines that you do not cross. My mom crossed some serious lines when I was pregnant with Will and also when he was a newborn. She knows it and she knows better than to cross them again. Since I laid down the law, she has been a better grandmother and she treats Will very well now. Do I hate that I had to get "tough"? Absolutely, but it was one of my first "real mom" moves myself (protecting my son) and it had to be done. I don't regret it.
Wow, I sound really serious and kind of mean in this post. Please don't think I am heartless or that it would easy for me to not have a relationship with my mom, because it would be very hard. And I would let her know why I was walking away and if she seriously made efforts (like therapy), then I would be happy to resume a relationship.
But I made Will a promise when I saw his sweet baby self at his 13 week ultrasound, and I made the same vow to Emma at the 11 week one. I will do everything that I have to do to protect my children, even if it's not easy. I will do my very best to deserve to be their mother, no matter what.