The J-O-B

I wrote about this in my latest edition of FNL, but I am still mulling it over in my head. Should I quit my parttime job or keep working at it?

Here's the background on me: I had a corporate America sales career which brought me very little happiness or satisfaction but brought in a good living and I was very good at. I worked for an amazing company that treated me well. I always wanted to be a SAHM, but when it came down to actually quitting my job and walking away from the money and the benefits, it was definitely gut check time and a really hard decision. But walk away I did, and I don't regret it for the most part. Being home with my son is a wonderful experience and money isn't everything.

When Will was about 10 months old (and still napping for about 4 hours a day in two different naps), I felt like my world was under control. My house was clean, laundry was done, I actually got to spend Will's nap time watching t.v. and blogging. So what is wrong with that, you ask? Nothing at all, but I felt guilty. I felt guilty that while M was plugging away at a job that he doesn't much care for for 12 hour days, I was sitting around on my @ss doing nothing. Not that being a SAHM is a nothing job, but to be honest, at that time, it was pretty easy. When Will was up and awake, I was a busy, active, engaged mom, but he did sleep a lot and I had free time on my hands.

So, that's when I decided to go for a part time job. It took about two months of searching, but I found a great part time job, that is 100% from home. It is not demanding work, it is sales and marketing, so it fits my background and skills well, and the pay is decent. At first, it worked out perfectly.

And then. . .

I got pregnant and Will dropped his first nap, bringing his total naptime down to less than two hours. I am bone tired and my house is a mess. Laundry? What's that? If I spend Will's entire naptime working, I am exhausted and the afternoons are hell. I don't really see this getting any better, either. When the second baby gets here, I will be even more exhausted and have even less time. Since I will have worked from them for less than a year, I am not entitled to any maternity leave, so any time off I had would be at the discretion of my boss.

My boss is a great guy and I honestly think they would give me a few weeks off. But I don't really know if that would be enough time and I would hate to add stress to myself or leave them in the lurch.

And here's the kicker. M did the taxes this last weekend and when we added in what I had made, it reduced our refund by $600, taking a huge chunk out of what I did earn. Even M said, "It's probably not worth you working."

So, why not just quit? There are several reasons:

1) This job is a great opportunity. It is very difficult to find legitimate work-from-home opportunities that pay this well and treat me with this much respect. It also has the potential to turn into more of a job/career someday when I am ready to return more full time to the workforce.

2) I don't want a huge gap in my resume. Having this job meant that I only had a six month gap in my employment history. I do intend to return to work someday and it would be easier if my resume was maintained.

3) The extra money is nice. It might not be much that I am bringing in, but it is something. That makes me feel a little less guilty about being home full time.

On one hand, I feel as if this is an easy decision. It's too much for me right now and definitely will be in the future. There is no shame in saying that I "can't do it all." I don't need to feel guilty for not being busy 100% of the time.

On the other hand, I do wonder if there will come a time when I can handle it all and wish I hadn't thrown this opportunity away. Sigh.

So, my dear readers, what would you do?