Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tears and Fears

Will's surgery is tomorrow. I am sure it's partially hormones and also just the reality that he's my little boy and I will not be able to keep him out of pain tomorrow. It goes against the very instinct of parenthood.

Also, I had a bad experience at the OB's today. It was not my usual, wonderful Dr. S. It was a much younger, cockier, sure-he's-better-looking-but-who-cares-because-he-is-an-@ss doctor. He had an attitude from the second he walked in through the door, didn't even say "hi" to Will, who was very excited to hear the "heartbeep."

When he went to find Emma's heartbeat, he couldn't find it for what seemed like an eternity. It has never taken Dr. S that long to find the heartbeat. I started to feel my face flush and my heart race, and tears came to my eyes. It was probably only a couple of minutes, but I couldn't understand why it would be hard to find her heartbeat and my imagination ran away from me. I started counting back to when I had felt her last (just this afternoon).

Finally, finally, I heard a very soft swoosh-swoosh. "Is that her?" I asked desperately.

"Yes, of course," he replied. "What do you think it is?"

"Well, I was getting worried. . . it doesn't usually take that long to find her heartbeat. . . "

Of course, that was the wrong thing to say to Dr. I'm Cooler Than You. Now I'd gone and offended his heartbeat-finding-skills.

"It's luck of the draw on how quickly you can find it," he said defensively.

Then, I switched in my normal-Katie mode, apologizing and wiping my tears away, trying to explain why I had gotten so worried. "We had a lot of losses before we had our son," I said, indicating Will in his stroller.

"Well, those were first trimester losses, right? Not late term losses."

"Yes, I. . ." I just felt stupid at that point. Emma was clearly fine and I had gotten all riled for no reason.

But those couple of minutes and hs dismissive attitude, combined with all of my fears for tomorrow, have made me a puddly mess tonight.

If you have any extra thoughts or prayers for our family tonight and tomorrow, I would greatly appreciate it. The surgery is 9:15 AM PST and he'll need some time in recovery, so it will probably be early afternoon before I can update, but I promise to at least post quickly to let you know that all is well.


Sophie said...

I'm sorry that happened. I'm not sure why there even IS such a thing as an insensitive, self centered (male) OB. I wish they could be weeded out!
On the other hand, you will have skilled, excellent folks taking care of your son tomorrow. It will be over soon, and he'll be feeling so much better. Stay calm and try to stay positive!

Debby said...

First of all, will be praying for will and for momma too today as he has surgery. I think that stuff is always harder on us mommy's.

2nd..ugh to the stupid doctor. Seriously?! Do people have absolutely no tact or bedside manner. Jeesh! I hope you don't have to see him again before E arrives so you can be saved the drama.

Rebecca said...

Ewwww...OB...get your $hit together and realize that not all of us do this every single day! RUDE!

Good luck to Will...hang in there!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Jerk doctor. Argh.

Good luck with Will today. I will be thinking about him all day.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the know-it-all.
Praying for Will!

Mommy Shoes said...

Praying for an easy surgery and quick recovery for Will and as little anxiety as possible for mama.

It is what it is said...

I'm on PST time, too, so I know you are likely en route or at the hospital (or surgery center) and things are happening to Will that you wish weren't (taking versed (if they have him), getting all his vitals, asking you a barrage of questions, getting him into a hospital gown).

He will be fine, he really will, but for you, especially given your hormonal state, it may be rough. My best advice is to take deep calming breaths and try not to let your mind race.

Think of the long term, why you are doing this in the first place, and know that if he could understand, he'd be thanking you for taking such good care of him.

Mel said...

What a foul, awful man! Some people just don't get it. I am so sorry.

Will say prayers for little Will for sure. Everything will go GREAT!

PamalaLauren said...

Kaylee was about Will's age when she had her surgery to remove a fatty tumor on her back. Make it fun, frankly it was the only way to survive. So take a camera because the loopy juice is hilarious when they give it to the kids. At least then he'll go into surgery knowing both that you were laughing and happy and so was he. Eases the worry in a way. He'll be fine though!

As for the heartbeat issue, that doctor is an ass. I do want to say that the further along I've gone the harder it's been for the doctor to find the heartbeat. And it's odd because as she's looking for it we can feel her kicking the hell out of the monitor (I'm doing NSTs now). So we know she's fine, we just can't find the heartbeat. Sometimes it takes more than five minutes to find it and a switch in who's looking for it.

Stacey said...

Oh Katie. That would have definitely upset me, too. Sorry you had to see Dr. Clueless. It always amazes me how quickly our OB finds that heartbeat. Sounds like he's the one with the problem!

Praying for you and sweet Will. Keep us posted!