Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Nothing To See Here

I imagine myself in a cage, huddled in the corner, tears slowly slipping down my cheeks.

Perhaps I am in the zoo or a museum.

A little girl walks by with her mother, points a chubby finger at me and asks, "Why is that woman crying, Mommy?"

Her mother pauses, reads the sign in front of my cage and sadly shakes her head. "Something awful happened to that woman."

"What happened, Mommy? What was so awful?"

"Hope died."

"Who is Hope, Mommy?"

"Not who, Sweetheart, hope is a what. It is the most important feeling to a woman and when it dies. . . Well, there is nothing left."

13 DPO. BFN.

Hope has died.

28 comments:

K @ ourboxofrain said...

Oh, Katie, I am SO sorry. That sucks.

Polka Dot said...

Oh katie I'm so sorry.

And I know you're tired of hoping right now. So I'll carry that hope for you until you're ready.

Laura said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry! Know we are thinking about you.

Missy said...

Katie, I'm am so sorry. I agree with Polka Dot though, please know that there are lots of us who will carry hope for you. You are in my thoughts today.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry. I'll keep hope in my heart for you, too.

(((hugs)))

alison said...

I'm sorry. :( This sucks.

Fertilize Me said...

I'm with the rest of us .. We will carry your hope .. and your heavy heart. Katie - I am shedding tears for you today!

jenna sais quoi said...

Oh Katie, I feel for you, girlie. Hope is the most important thing...but unfulfilled hopes can create that unbearable ache that overpowers everything else.

Add me to the list of commenters who will help carry that hope for you until you are ready.

JJ said...

Crap...so sorry Katie. Hope hides very well, and sometimes it seems she will never show her face.
I am thinking of you...

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

Oh no, I am so very sorry to hear your news. Grieving for your pain . . .

Melissa said...

I am so sorry, Katie! Your heart is always big enough for all of us and I hope you can my feel mine reaching out to you today!!

infertility just sucks said...

What the hell? This is so UNFAIR.

I'm so pissed off. We're young, healthy and smart. Why is this our problem? Why???? Why can't we be parents? What is so awful about us? ARGH!

***********

So, cocktails tonight? Yes?

Searching said...

*hugs* I will help carry your hope as long as you need. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Samantha said...

I'm sorry Katie. I'd like to write some different endings to our stories.

moosk said...

oh, i'm so sorry, katie. i was so hopeful for you and kristen this month. and i know it's hard to believe, but i think hope is capable of reincarnation... you just never know where, when, and in what form.

Yoka said...

I am so sorry to hear that. I am just waiting as well until hope dies for another month.

Tracy said...

Oh, Katie. I've been gone for a few days and just now caught up on your posts for the past 5 days...I'm sitting here crying for you...and for P.

I know Hope is gone right now...but it will come back. I don't know what it is about us IFs, but it always comes back. Hang in there until it does.

Kim said...

I'm so sorry, Katie.

Anonymous said...

Actually its two of us in that cage right now.

hugs!

Erin said...

Katie, I'm sooo sorry!

Mands said...

Katie I want to thank you for your words of support at my blog today, despite your own pain. It is a terribly crushing place to be, and I see from your profile that you have been in that place many times over. There are no words except that I hope this journey ends happily for you, and very soon.
Mands xx

Geohde said...

Hon, I am so sorry. I'm a few days behind you, but hope left the building here, too.

On unrelated matters, I've emailed you about your x pol match, but I don't think I've heard back- just checking you've got the info or I'll resend .

xx

(And again, I'm so sorry)

J

Ally said...

Katie, I am so, so sorry. I didn't want to read this post from you today. I wanted to read a joyous post full of hope.

If you can't hope for yourself right now, Polka Dot is right-we will hope for you.

May you find comfort and peace and hope again, when you are ready for it.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I'm so, so sorry. I'm with Polka Dot and I'll be carrying the hope for you and sending you some positive energy vibes right now. HUGS.

Debby said...

My wish for you is instead of being dead, your hope is just in hibernation. It needs to sleep it off a little and gain some energy for next cycle when it can be ready to give you all the hope you need again.

Chris said...

Oh my sweet friend, I am so sorry that this was not the time for you. Please allow hope back in, when you are ready.

Von said...

Katie, I am so so sorry. Words aren't enough to express it.
Thinking of you.

BrownEyedGirl said...

Oh Katie, I'm sorry Sweet Heart!! Big hugs!