Saturday, October 27, 2007

The No Joy Luck Club

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and thoughts for P. She had her D&C yesterday and physically is doing well. Emotionally. . . well, we all know that is an entirely different story.

P is now part of the infertility/miscarriage club. Like all of us, this is not a club that we ever wanted to join, and we find ourselves wondering how we got here. We have all paid our dues, but there isn't even a cool Members Only jacket.

Or perhaps there is. We all wear our pain in some way. I wear my pain when a friend tells me that she is pregnant, and I flinch. I wear my pain when someone asks my husband and me if we have children, and I have to search for the right words. I wear my pain when a friend, or even someone that I don't know that well, calls to tell me that they have had a miscarriage. I cry with them, because I know that pain and disbelief so well.

In some ways, this is how I honor my angels best: By helping other women through this terrible time. I am not going to lie, I wish that I had never known about this club we are in. I wish that you didn't know about it, either. But since we are here, I am so glad that we are here together.

10 comments:

Anns said...

I'm so sorry that we have to have a new member... P is in all of our thoughts.

Have you heard about the pomegranate-colored bracelet that many are wearing these days to signify survival through m/c?

http://labellavida.blogspot.com/2007/08/infertilitys-common-thread-freebie.html

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

You are so right. I hate being part of these clubs too. But I think it does honor the angels we have and make it all count for something if we help other women. Otherwise, it's just depressing.

Today was the first time since my miscarraige that I was asked if my husband and I had kids (baby shower, so I was asked twice). I said no the first time, but it felt wrong. The second time I qualified it. I feel like answering, "Yes, but none that are living." Except I don't want to sound rude, but it's true. Maybe I can say, "Yes, but they're all in heaven." Not sure, but I don't want to answer that "No" anymore. At least not all the time.

Kristen said...

I hate having to induct people into our club. But if we have to go through it, I'm glad we can lean on each other. XOXO

Searching said...

I'm so sorry ANY of you have to be in this club. :(



Thank you for your nice comment on my blog and thanks again for sharing your baby's life with us.

Geohde said...

Well said,

I hate being in this club, but at least the company's damn good.

J

Polka Dot said...

Yeah - this is one club I wish none of us had to be in. The dues are way too high.

Speaking of anns's comment, I totally blanked on sending you that bracelet, didn't it? I have it, though! Lots good that does, I know. But it's in my purse and awaiting an envelope. You have to stay on my ass about things like that hah argh ... I promise I will mail it first thing Monday.

Missy said...

I agree with all the previous comments. It sucks that this type of club has to exist, but it's good that we can all support each other through both good and not so good times. I personally don't know how I'd cope if I had to go through this without the support of my fellow bloggerettes.

Amanda said...

It's ironic that you call it a club. Maybe only ironic to me. I had a very emotional conversation with a family member how every step of IF has been like one induction or another into a club...and some not-so-fun clubs at that. The IF club. The miscarriage club. At least we have each other! :-)

Kathrin said...

I don't like the Miscarriage Club either and hate being a member in it as well as in the Infertile Club.

The way you are describing this club moves my soul. This is the biggest pain I ever experienced and something I would not wish on anybody.

Serenity said...

Well written article.