Wednesday, October 10, 2007

And Here We Go Again

Cycle Day Three. Buckle up, dear readers. This is going to be a bumpy ride!

This day used to pass without much notice on my part. Too early to go without a pantyliner, but the cramps and flow settling down. Too early to check for EWCM.

Now, day 3 is all about gearing up for the new cycle. I stopped by the pharmacy today and when I walked up to the counter, the pharmacist knew who I was before I even told him my name. Although in one way, I was flattered that he remembered, in another way, it made me realize that I am definitely at the pharmacy a lot. Too bad they don't give frequent flier miles.

I got home and put my medications out on the counter. There are lots of pill bottles, boxes, directions, and needles sitting in my kitchen. Almost a startling amount, if you aren't prepared for it. I took stock of the situation. Today, I start my fifth assisted cycle, our second IUI cycle. This is our 23rd month of trying, with a few months here and there of break cycles and such. But it has almost been two years since I fell down the infertility Rabbit Hole. Two. Long. Years.

I am not going to dwell on that. I am not going to look at the past. I am looking toward the future. This is going to be our cycle. There are no reasons for the losses of the past (at least according to the myriad of tests that I have had). It's just bad luck. We will have a baby. I have to think this way. I must.

We are going to start the paperwork process for our homestudy this week as well. One way or another, we WILL have our baby. I have to think this way. I must.

Oh, and PS: Thank you for your support on yesterday's post. I was feeling pretty gosh darn awful yesterday, but your comments provided clarity. I am so thankful for you and your insight. It makes me feel less alone, less selfish, less desperate. What would I do without all of you?

13 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

yah for CD3. Bring on a great month

My Reality said...

Between the cycles and getting things going with adoption, you are well on your way to bringing home your baby.

Missy said...

I hope that this cycle is a successful one. I think that your positive attitude is great and will bring about good things for you.

Ally said...

Katie, I am so excited for you as you begin this next cycle. My positive energy and happy baby thoughts are being shot in your direction! You *will* be a mom, of this I am sure. I am wishing you the best cycle with the biggest, fattest positive and a beautiful baby at the end.

Chris said...

Yes, you will be a mom. In time. Granted, too much time, but you will be a mom. I'm rootin' for you!

laksh said...

Thats the spirit! Am midway through mine. Taking a break now. Will start a clomid cycle all over in 2008. Been through a lot these 4 plus years. Thanks for your kind words on my blog. The reason am still sane is because of a place to vent. :)

infertility just sucks said...

You can never underestimate the power of positive thinking. A new cycle means a new chance. You're absolutely right - why not this cycle? I love these happy vibes. I am high on them myself right now.

BrownEyedGirl said...

I try to tell myself with each failed cycle that I'm one month or cycle closer to having our baby some how, some way!

Good luck with your next cycle and fingers crossed that this is "the one".

Mrs. Piggy said...

Thanks for appreciating my POAS restraint. I think I'm giving in tonight. I can feel it. Ugh.

I wanted to comment on your last post...with the talk of being selfless, etc etc. Usually I cant be very eloquent with my words...you always take the words I cant spit out, right out of my mouth.
I'm just going to start copying and pasting your posts into my blog :)

Searching said...

I am so with you on the pharmacy thing. Even the new techs know me. I spend hundreds of dollars there a month and am generally there once a week. Some kind of discount/bonus sounds reasonable to me!

CD3 sounds nice. The single digit days where there's no real worry. Hope this one is IT for you!

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

I want it to be your month!

And congrats on taking steps toward adoption. We are planning to go to our first information meeting next week, so I will be tracking your progress on both ends. I am starting to explore the idea of adopting first and then further treatments for a biochild.

jennifercarol said...

I'm glad you are managing to try and keep a positive outlook. It is so tough. But I know that one way or another you will be a mom. I'm keeping everything crossed that this is the cycle for you.

Melissa said...

you are such a doll.
this cycle is full of positive energy, keep it going! i have my fingers and toes crossed, i can't wait to hear how it plays out.