Cycle Day Three. Buckle up, dear readers. This is going to be a bumpy ride!
This day used to pass without much notice on my part. Too early to go without a pantyliner, but the cramps and flow settling down. Too early to check for EWCM.
Now, day 3 is all about gearing up for the new cycle. I stopped by the pharmacy today and when I walked up to the counter, the pharmacist knew who I was before I even told him my name. Although in one way, I was flattered that he remembered, in another way, it made me realize that I am definitely at the pharmacy a lot. Too bad they don't give frequent flier miles.
I got home and put my medications out on the counter. There are lots of pill bottles, boxes, directions, and needles sitting in my kitchen. Almost a startling amount, if you aren't prepared for it. I took stock of the situation. Today, I start my fifth assisted cycle, our second IUI cycle. This is our 23rd month of trying, with a few months here and there of break cycles and such. But it has almost been two years since I fell down the infertility Rabbit Hole. Two. Long. Years.
I am not going to dwell on that. I am not going to look at the past. I am looking toward the future. This is going to be our cycle. There are no reasons for the losses of the past (at least according to the myriad of tests that I have had). It's just bad luck. We will have a baby. I have to think this way. I must.
We are going to start the paperwork process for our homestudy this week as well. One way or another, we WILL have our baby. I have to think this way. I must.
Oh, and PS: Thank you for your support on yesterday's post. I was feeling pretty gosh darn awful yesterday, but your comments provided clarity. I am so thankful for you and your insight. It makes me feel less alone, less selfish, less desperate. What would I do without all of you?