Friday, September 28, 2007

Not Exactly Dinner Conversation

Wow, this has been a week for run ins with The Fertiles. First, the phone call earlier this week and then last night: a table full of babies and pregnant women.

Our neighborhood associatation holds meetings once a year at a local pizza restaurant so that we can voice complaints, air concerns, and meet neighbors that we wouldn't otherwise see (it's a large neighborhood). We bought our house when it was new, so we know quite a lot of people already, having been here for four years.

In those four years, there have been quite a few pregnancies and babies. At first, I was happy about the othe pregnancies, and now, I am still happy, but it is painful, too. I handle it by distancing myself from the preggers and their babies.

So, last night was kind of a reunion of sorts. Five couples, one table, three couples holding babies. And then one of the girls, let's call her C, says, "I have big news. I'm pregnant - 11 weeks!" Lots of cheers and congratulations go around the table. Other tables listen in and before you know it, there are six women, all coming over, all pregnant, all comparing due dates. I was trying to act interested without crying.

Then, C turns to me and says, "Gee, Katie, we all thought you'd be the first one to have a baby since you were married first." Another neighbor chimes in, "Yes, and you're so good with children. When are you two going to have a baby?" And yet another, "Come on, have a baby, it would be so much fun!"

I give the standard response, "One of these days."

But is it enough for this group of preggers? Nope. "Oh, you really should have a baby," one of the husband enthused. "It's the best thing that has ever happened to us."

Another melon belly says, "Oh, yes. I know you're really into your career, but you're not getting any younger!"

"Well, we're actually trying. Hasn't happened yet," I hedge.

Immediately, all of the husbands turn to my husband with "tips" on how to get the job done. The women all start asking me if I am temping, using OPKs, if we can take a vacation.

Finally, I couldn't help myself. I blurted out, "Actually, we know how it's done. We have been pregnant many, many times. And we have miscarried many, many times. So, we'll let you know when we finally get lucky enough to have a baby."

Silence. Then an uncomfortable shuffling while people try to change the subject. Luckily, the meeting started then.

There goes the neighborhood.

6 DPO. Slight twinges and cramps today. Implantation or just progesterone? I hate the 2WW.


Melissa said...

Oh man, this sucks. Sorry you had to go through it!! I want to blurt things like that out people all the time. Stupidity and ignorance. Don't people understand it's a personal question that doesn't always have to be asked?

Missy said...

I alway say that fertile people can be so clueless at times. I agree with Melissa that it's such a personal question. Even if we were capable of having children normally, it's still rude to just assume that every body wants children. Hopefully, they learned their lesson and maybe they'll be more aware of other people.

Polka Dot said...

While you may feel slightly guilty at blurting it out, I say don't. I bet those busy-body nosies will think twice before doing that to you again or to someone else.

BrownEyedGirl said...

I would have done the exact same thing!! After two miscarriages, I'm getting sick of the people who have it so easy! Especially when I see them smoking, or eating nothing but garbage! I don't really care anymore about who I upset with my miscarriage news, it upsets me when they announce their perfect little pregnancies...why can't I do some damage too?! *wink*

infertility just sucks said...

That's what people get when they push things from friendly curiosity to being pushy and intrusive; far more information than they wanted to know.

I'm glad you said something. Perhaps it will make them think twice about pushing another woman like that in the future.

jenna sais quoi said...

Good for you.

Comments and assumptions like theirs make you feel so uncomfortable and hurt. Responding in kind is pretty much what clueless people deserve- and maybe they won't be so clueless next time! Yeah, they'll feel uncomfortable, but when I think of the times people have said stupid things to me and I have put on a brave face and gone home and cried about it later...making someone momentarily uncomfortable because they said the wrong thing doesn't compare.

Still, it sucks to have to put things "out there", and I am sorry that you had to deal with those irritating personal questions.