Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I'm Sorry, I Must Have Bad Reception

I got the phone call that we all dread today.

"Hey, I know we haven't talked in awhile. I've just been slammed at work." The friend saying this has not called me since we last talked in December, two days after my D&C. She told me that she couldn't really handle all the "drama" of my constant miscarriages and needed to "take a step back."

I replied, "You must have been really busy. I've called a few times, I've left a few messages."

Long pause on her end. "Yeah, I know, I got your messages. Things have been crazy."

My response, "Well, it's good to hear from you now. What's up?"

She says, "Well, I am glad you asked. The thing is. . . I am pregnant!"

Long pause on my end. "Wow. . . I didn't even know that you were trying." This friend is not married and actually told me in that same conversation that she wasn't sure that she ever wanted children and that I should be happy that I wasn't tied down anymore.

"Yeah, well, we weren't trying, really. It just kind of happened. But we're getting married and I wanted to invite you to my shower. It's going to be a combo bridal/baby shower."

"Gee, that's great. Congratulations on the wedding and the baby."

"Thanks. I am not sure really whether to be happy or not. I never really thought that I would have kids. My fiance is actually pretty upset about the whole thing, but we both figure we should do what's right. Plus, I didn't even know I was pregnant until after the first trimester was over, so it was too late for an abortion."

When is appropriate to hang up on someone? When can you ask them to please just shut up? When can you ask them to give you their baby, since they obviously don't want it? Since none of these are ever appropriate, I suffered through another fifteen minutes of rhetoric with her, asking about her dress, the nursery, where they will honeymoon. She made sure to tell me that they are registered at the following places: Macy's, Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, and Baby's R Us. I'll have to keep that in mind. I finally told her that I couldn't hear her well and that it must be my cell reception. We hung up, promising to keep in touch. We were both lying.

Sometimes, I just want to know what the frack is going on in this world. There are so many people that would give their left arm for a baby, and then there are those that aren't even sure they want the blessing they have. Why not let those of us that want to be mothers have children and people like my "friend" be the ones that can't have children?

3 DPO. A long time to go in this 2 WW. Agh.


jenna sais quoi said...

Oh sweetie. There's only one word for a person like that, and it's not "friend". It's "Toxic ho."

Wait, that's two words.

Please cut Miss Thing off like an infected hangnail. You deserve better than someone who is self-obsessed, incredibly insensitive, selfish, callous, and well, downright mean.

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

Glad you stumbled onto my blog. But my heart bled for you and your recurrent miscarriages. I've often thought that must be one of the very hardest thing in the TTC world to bear...

And this woman is just the kind that makes us question the very goodness of God and and sense of justice in the world. My teeth gritted just hearing her spill out that filth.

I, like you, never hang up or give the rude comment that someone like that deserves - but later I wish I had.

Anyway, sorry you personally had to deal with a "friend" like that.

Polka Dot said...

I'm with Jenna - this isn't a friend at all. It's someone you don't need in your life.

I have to give you kudos for your patience. I probably would have hung up at the invitation to the combo shower.

Debby said...

I do believe the definition of a friend is someone who's there for you through the good and bad. Someone who bails because they can't handle the tough stuff, is NOT a friend. I would cut this one out of your life - who needs extra frustration and heartached in life when you already have more than your fair share of it. I am constantly amazed how awful people can be. So sorry for this hideous phone call.

Melissa said...

what a horrible friend, or "non-friend," really.
i think people like that are around to remind us that there is a fine line between acquaintance and friend. she belongs on the other side of the fence. i'd blow off the shower and the wedding if i were you. save the money you'd spend on a gift for her for a pedicure or something equally frivolous for yourself.
fingers crossed for you in your 2ww.
thanks for checking out my blog, the more of "us" i find, the more at peace with the world i feel.

Missy said...

I can't believe how selfish that woman is. I would call her a lady, but I always think of a lady as having class and manners. I think you deserve a whole pitcher of free margaritas for having the strength to be so patient with her. Karma's a bitch though, so maybe this will come back to bite her in the butt later. I hope you have a better day.

jennifercarol said...

She is definitely not a friend. I mean who would call somebody that they knew was having issues TTC but wasn't really supportive of only to tell them that they're preggo by accident and not particularly happy about it?

I got similar news the other week from my stepbrother who just had a shotgun wedding with his 12 week preggo girlfriend. I completely broke down for the first time since TTC. I'm not sure whether it was that she was supposedly on bcp (that's like a 1% chance he told me) or whether it was because he didn't even sound happy about the whole thing. But regardless, it sucked.

Searching said...

OMG!! I CANNOT believe she said all that! What a complete jerk for calling you now to pretty much tell you she's pregnant, after knowing all you went through and choosing to not stand by your side. I would def not go to any of her showers, or anything else relating to her. Ever. I'm so, so sorry you had to listen to all that! It must have felt like a knife in your heart. :(

Thank you so much for your sweet thoughts on my blog when you are going through so much yourself. You are such a kind person totally undeserving of the crap life has thrown at you. You'll be in my prayers.

infertility just sucks said...

WOW. Just...WOW.

Sounds like she's looking for attention and a reaction from you to make her feel better about her situation.

But really, isn't it easier to cut that kind of person out of your life when they cross the line so heinously?

Road Blocks and Rollercoasters said...

Good Lord! What is wrong with her? That is just amazingly insensitive. I have a sister just like her, so trust me when I say I know exactly where you are coming from (except I can't get away from her due to the blood relation).

I've often had the same thought about why people who don't want kids can have them so easily and those of us who want them have to struggle so much. My thought is, if you don't want children then getting pregnant is the worst thing that can happen to you. If you do want kids, IF is the worst thing that can happen to you. In some weird way, I think it balances things out in the universe. But I hate being on the shitty end of that deal.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. You really deserve a friend who is both empathetic and sympathetic to your experiences.

BTW, thank you for your support on my blog! :)

Rebecca said...

I'd've just said straight away 'You told me my D&C was 'too much of a drama', but now you're phoning with this? Fuck off' and hung up right then. But then, I'm a bitch. Sorry, I'm 'honest'. ;)