Saturday, September 29, 2007

I Guess I'll Just Mail You The Blender

My sister just got engaged. I am so happy for her. Except for one small thing.

I am very close to my parents and younger brother. My sister is not. She was the youngest child until my parents had a surprise pregnancy - my little brother was born when I was 14 and she was 11. I was thrilled with the addition to our family. I have been addicted to everything baby since I was very little. I was in love with him from the beginning and raced home from school each day to take him on walks, dance with him to music, or give him a bath. He is now 14 and a freshman in high school - which completely boggles my mind - and we are still very close.

My sister, on the other hand, feels that her position was usurped by the little interloper. She has had a chip on her shoulder ever since. She and my mother don't have a great relationship. My sister is the type of person that you never know what to say to her, because even innocuous things can set her off. I would say that we have a "fair" relationship, and she is actually really good about the infertility stuff, so I am grateful for that.

Six months ago, she announced that when she got married, she was going to Mexico and doing it on the beach at sunset. No family would be invited. My husband and I had the traditional church wedding, with 150 guests and family and friends galore. This is so foreign to me. I can understand the lure and charm of a destination wedding, but to do it without family or friends present is what I can't understand. I had a heart to heart with her about how much this hurt my feelings. I know her wedding day is not about me. But I would really like to be there to witness her vows. She says that it is not personal, but that she just doesn't want my mom there. And she can't pick and choose family, so it's just her and her fiance.

I had made my peace with it until today, when she called me to tell me the Big News. I was happy for her and congratulated both her and my soon to be brother in law. I asked when they were booking their trip and she said that they had changed their mind and wanted to go to Hawaii. And that her future inlaws were coming. I am pretty hurt. Part of me doesn't want to go now that she has made it so clear that I am not wanted. But the other part of me recognizes that this is still my sister and I am so sad that I won't get to be there. Once again, I realize that this isn't about me. But it still hurts.

7 DPO. Lots of cramping today and I have had a headache for the past two days that I can't shake. But my husband's nose hasn't picked up the scent, so who knows. A week to go.


Missy said...

I don't blame you for being upset. I would be too. Maybe you can try talking to her and ask her to think of how she would feel if her children behaved this disrespectfully towards her. You might also point out that people only get married once--or at least they're supposed to. If that doesn't work, maybe point out that this is a really bad reflection to make in front of her soon-to-be in-laws.

Prairie Girl said...

That's sad, and I'm sorry. I don't really even know what to think. Your sister definately has a chip on her shoulder, it's incrediably sad.

I hope she changes her mind. We are supposed to really ever only get married once, does she really want to go through life regretting not inviting her family?

I'm sorry Katie, that sure is rough.

A'Dell said...

I had a DW in Hawaii but family was invited...A cousin of mine had a DW in St. Thomas and only took his parents - nobody from our side of the family. That was kind of weird.

I can see both sides but in the end it's her day. And however she can make it stress-free, she probably feels that she needs to do that to start her marriage off right.

Still smarts though.

Perhaps she'll change her mind with time. I found that the great thing about a DW is that it provides some nice distance while all being in the same place. Since it's a DW it's naturally less crazy. If she plans the thing right she should be able to invite everyone and only see them for a few hours when she'll be deliriously happy anyway.

(If she wants any advice on vendors I have loads of it! We got married in Maui in 06. *Sigh.* I just love Hawaii.)

Samantha said...

I'm sorry you and your sister have such a difficult relationship. It does seem rather harsh for her to invite the in-laws, but not her own family. But like you said, it's her decision, so there's not a whole lot you can do.

I also have a big gap in my family, as my younger brother is 19 (he was born when I was 12 - and I too got to be available for babysitting a lot, I didn't mind).

jenna sais quoi said...

Oh Katie, I am sorry about this. Do you think your sister has said something "random" about your parents to your in-laws to be? Have the parents ever met?

By the way, I couldn't find your e-mail- the web address to set up a sitemeter is

Pick the free option and see how it works! There are instructions about how to cut and paste the code into your blogger template, or you can always e-mail me if you need help. :)

Kristen said...

I'm sorry about your sister. At the end of the day it is her day but I feel badly that she is alienating everyone because of a situation that happened so very long ago. I hope that maybe she will change her mind as she works on the planning. Hopefully, she will have a change of heart.

I hope the cramps are a good sign. Sending lots of positive vibes your way! XOXO

A'Dell said...

Hey there, got your comment about Maui - my email address is adellmcc at yahoo dot com

(Can you delete this comment once you read it though? I don't want my email address out here. Thanks!)