Well, the decision has been made. . . for now. In order for me to take the job, I would have had to have found a nanny or other care for our children by today. And the nanny we wanted and offered the job to has decided to return to school fulltime. While we were waiting for her to consider our offer, we also started doing the numbers. Nannies are expensive and there wasn't going to be as much left over as we thought after all was said and done, so me going back to work was starting to make less financial sense. I realized that if going back to work right now was the right thing to do, I wouldn't have felt so ambivalent about it. While I do not intend to stay home forever, I clearly wasn't quite ready to go back at this point.
For the moment, we have decided that Emma needs me at home for at least the first year, then I am going to look at going back to work. Having a plan in place has always made me feel much more settled and at ease. It lets me enjoy this time at home more.
Thank you for your input and advice. The struggle between working outside of the home or staying home with your kids is such a sensitive subject and I appreciate your gentle honesty and guidance.