Yesterday was a wonderful day, but it was definitely emotionally exhausting.
The night before, I had a horrible nightmare that there was nothing to see on the ultrasound. It was so vivid in its detail that I woke up sobbing and had to take several minutes to convince myself that it was just a bad dream. I had a really hard time getting back to sleep after that.
A lack of sleep can definitely exacerbate morning sickness. And morning sickness is not my friend to begin with. I don't even know what I was thinking, wishing it on myself again. This post describes my morning sickness from a previous pregnancy.
By the time we got to the doctor's office yesterday, I hadn't managed to keep down several attempts at breakfast or lunch. I hoped that perhaps it was just the lack of sleep and nervousness.
When we arrived at Dr. M's office, the receptionist said, "So this is the big day, huh? How are you feeling?"
To which I burst out, "I'm terrified." And started crying.
I can't even explain the tension that I felt in those last minutes before the ultrasound began. I just prayed and prayed that we would see something good on that black screen.
I had told my husband that I didn't think that I could look until they told me that it was okay, but I was wrong. I saw the sac first, and it looked empty, my worst fears coming true. But then I saw the flicker at the top of the sac and said, "That's the heartbeat, right?"
Then, I started firing off questions like any Good Infertile Who Hath googled Too Much. What was the rate of the heartbeat? Was the sac good sized? Was the baby good sized? Was the sac a good shape? How did my lining look? Luckily, the ultrasound tech was good about answering our questions and did so.
I asked her about my ovaries, telling her about the pains that I have been having, especially on my left side. She showed us two (in her words) HUGE cysts. There was also a lot of retained blood. She did check for blood flow, because the ovary was so large that she was worried that it might have twisted, but luckily, there was plenty of flow. I also had a smaller cyst on the right side, but that isn't really where the pains have been coming from. They said that it was completely normal after IVF, but that there isn't anything that can be done about it, as the HCG in my system causes the cysts to stick around. At ten to twelve weeks, when my hormone levels start to level off, then the cysts will get the idea that they are no longer wanted or needed and start disappearing.
In the meantime, I am not supposed to let my bladder get too full, as it can press up against the ovaries and cause pain. I had noticed that if I waited a bit too long, the pain increased, so that makes sense. The good news is that there is a perfectly normal reason for my discomfort and it's not a reason to run to the bathroom and check for spotting. That's a relief!
After the ultrasound, Dr. M came in and declared that everything was "perfect." They will continue to monitor me with weekly ultrasounds through the 12th week of pregnancy. We discussed the morning sickness and she gave me a prescription for phenergan to help with the nausea and recommended that I reduce my activity level as much as possible. With so many prior miscarriages, it's not like she really had to give me that warning, but at least it's doctor's orders now.
We had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions on the way home, so in order to give them time to fill them, we decided to make a quick stop at Baby's R Us for an ultrasound frame. We got the cutest one that says "So Tiny, So Loved" on it. It now holds a proud place on our kitchen counter, where I have already looked at it at least a million times or so. My husband picked out a tiny turtle toy "for the baby," which I thought was just so cute.
I ended up taking the medication and being able to keep some chicken soup down for dinner. It makes me pretty sleepy, though, so I took today off from work to hopefully start feeling a bit better with consistent meals and a lot of rest.
When I finally sat down to see the comments today, I was overwhelmed by your kindness. I am a nut job about keeping things, so I am printing the comments out for the baby book. Thank you, thank you, thank you.