Thursday, January 3, 2008

Unfair

I survived the first day back. Yesterday, my positive attitude faltered a bit in the afternoon. I was having these weird. . . well, I can't call them pains, but they weren't really cramps, either. It felt as if I had pressure on my uterus. It didn't hurt, but it was definitely noticeable. I started checking for spotting like it was my job. Luckily, I never had any.

I also am still a bit queasy, although nothing like the morning sickness that haunted me during my pregnancy with Gummy Bear. I am okay with that, though. I certainly learned the lesson that pukey mom does not equal healthy baby. And I am not going to get too cocky, because it is really too early for the morning sickness to kick in with full force.

I did have a bit of a distraction yesterday, something that made me actually forget about this whole business for a bit - shocking, I know. I got a phone call from a friend of a friend, letting me know that the mutual friend (M) was in the hospital. M is a healthy, active 24 years old. She had sinus surgery right before Christmas, but was recovering well when I talked to her last week.

Last Friday, she got this horrible pain in her leg. She thought it was a bad muscle cramp, possibly from laying around too much the past two weeks. The pain got worse, however and started moving up into her thigh, so she went to the doctor. It turned out that she had a deep vein thrombosis (blood clot) in in her leg. She was admitted to the hospital and started on blood thinners, but the clot moved into her lungs anyway, a serious condition called pulmonary embolism.

Although this a somewhat common after effect of serious surgery in the elderly, it is more rare in less serious surgeries, and extremely uncommon in young adults. They did some testing to find out the underlying cause and it turns out that M has a blood disorder. I visited her in the hospital yesterday and she was pretty down. One of the things that the doctor who diagnosed her told her was that she might not be able to have children.

She was quite drugged up yesterday, so I was not able to understand exactly what blood disorder she has. I know there are so many, but I thought most of them would be treatable with blood thinners in the case of pregnancy. I just thought it was really heartless of the doctor to throw that in on top of everything. . . especially when there is so much they can do to assist with pregnancy now.

All I know is that she is pretty down right now. She isn't married yet, but has been in a serious relationship for several years. She has talked about having children in the past and she would be a good mother. If what the doctor said is true and she can't have children, it is really unfair.

Then again, I guess that's the lesson that I should have learned by now. Infertility IS unfair. It hurts so many good people in so many different ways. It shapes part of who you are, or maybe more than just a part. I know that I am certainly a much different person now than I was before all of this started.

17 comments:

Tracy said...

We all are. This journey has changed me to the core. Sometimes not in a way I'm comfortable with, either.

So sorry to hear about your friend. My mom donated a kidney to her brother about 10 years back. She was a relatively healthy 47 year old at the time. She developed the same thing as your friend, and is to this day on blood thinners. She actually had a blood and vein disorder. Fortunately, she didn't pass it on to me.

I hope your friend gets some answers. Surely there must be hope...she should talk to an RE before she takes to heart too much what the ICU doctor said. IMHO.

Glad you aren't feeling too poorly, and hope that the "pressure" is just your uterus giving way to growing babies!

alison said...

Sorry to hear about your friend. It's super rude for the doctor to throw that in now, she's obviously not pg at the moment, and he should have waited until she was in a clearer state to process it.

I'm glad you're feeling ok, hopefully that pressure is just little nudges from your growing babies!

Yoka said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. Yes, infertility has changed all of us. I have become bitter in a way that sometimes I don't like myself any more. I used to see the glass as half full most of my life and have always been an optimist. But the last two and a half years have been so hard that I don't know if I am still an optimist.

Samantha said...

I'm sorry for your friend. That's a lot to get thrown in your face, when you previously thought of yourself as healthy. I hope she'll get some time to digest this information and sort it all out.

Fertilize Me said...

Way to have bedside manners rhre Doc. i am sorry to hear that your friend is going through a rough patch

Polka Dot said...

That's horrible for your friend. But, like the others said, now is not the time to bring it up to her. And it really should have been addressed by her ob/gyn as a lot of those issues can be resolved with medications.

Laura said...

I am sorry to hear about your friend. What a cruel doctor! I hope he is wrong.

Glad that M has a friend like you to take care of her when she is down.

Yodasmistress said...

What an insensitive Claude that doctor is. I agree with your assessment that that the doc may not be correct. And even if he is, that was not the time to tell her!

Adriane said...

IF has changed us all for sure. That is so very sad about your friend. I hope she does get another opinion.

BTW, we are tracking about 4 days apart, and I am also feeling "pains" and mild cramps in my abdomen/pelvic area. I am also very nervous! Hoping your pains are from growing babies!

jennifercarol said...

I'm so sorry about your friend. I sure wish they'd provide better training for doctors in med school on beside manners!

Melissa said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Some doctors are just awful, not sure how so many get licenses and stay in business!
I

My Reality said...

You are right, this is all unfair.

I am glad your friend is ok. Pulmonary emboli are scary things - my dad died from them. It is good that they caught her condition and will be able to keep an eye on her.

For what it is worth, my co-worker's daughter has a baby and she had DVT, it just meant she was on heparin throughout her pregnancy.

Ally said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine how scary that must've been because she's so young and in such good shape.

As far as the "No children" comment? That doc is an insensitive ass. Way to put the cherry on top of the sundae of that experience.

missionimpossibleinfertile said...

Sorry to hear about your friend. She probably has antiphospholipid syndrome, and it's treatable in a way that increases the live birth rate significantly.

Glad to hear that the pukes are not yet too violent.

xx

J

chicklet said...

I'm hoping good thoughts for you, that these pains aren't anything and it's just a distraction from the queasiness?

Hang in there, with that and with the friend in the hospital.

Kathy V said...

I am sorry to hear about your friend. This is a journey that nobody should have to go through. Let her know that she can turn to the blogosphere any time. Plus is she already has a diagnosis for her blood disorder maybe she can find a doctor specializing in that and get a second opinion.

Maria said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Life is so unbelievably unfair, that sometimes I just really want to scream. I'll be keeping your friends in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that they find her some answers so one day she can conceive.

Not that I know anything about this, being that I've never been pregnant, but here's my assvice. You could be feeling round ligament pain, I've heard that it can start very early on. Now ends my assvice.