Unfair

I survived the first day back. Yesterday, my positive attitude faltered a bit in the afternoon. I was having these weird. . . well, I can't call them pains, but they weren't really cramps, either. It felt as if I had pressure on my uterus. It didn't hurt, but it was definitely noticeable. I started checking for spotting like it was my job. Luckily, I never had any.

I also am still a bit queasy, although nothing like the morning sickness that haunted me during my pregnancy with Gummy Bear. I am okay with that, though. I certainly learned the lesson that pukey mom does not equal healthy baby. And I am not going to get too cocky, because it is really too early for the morning sickness to kick in with full force.

I did have a bit of a distraction yesterday, something that made me actually forget about this whole business for a bit - shocking, I know. I got a phone call from a friend of a friend, letting me know that the mutual friend (M) was in the hospital. M is a healthy, active 24 years old. She had sinus surgery right before Christmas, but was recovering well when I talked to her last week.

Last Friday, she got this horrible pain in her leg. She thought it was a bad muscle cramp, possibly from laying around too much the past two weeks. The pain got worse, however and started moving up into her thigh, so she went to the doctor. It turned out that she had a deep vein thrombosis (blood clot) in in her leg. She was admitted to the hospital and started on blood thinners, but the clot moved into her lungs anyway, a serious condition called pulmonary embolism.

Although this a somewhat common after effect of serious surgery in the elderly, it is more rare in less serious surgeries, and extremely uncommon in young adults. They did some testing to find out the underlying cause and it turns out that M has a blood disorder. I visited her in the hospital yesterday and she was pretty down. One of the things that the doctor who diagnosed her told her was that she might not be able to have children.

She was quite drugged up yesterday, so I was not able to understand exactly what blood disorder she has. I know there are so many, but I thought most of them would be treatable with blood thinners in the case of pregnancy. I just thought it was really heartless of the doctor to throw that in on top of everything. . . especially when there is so much they can do to assist with pregnancy now.

All I know is that she is pretty down right now. She isn't married yet, but has been in a serious relationship for several years. She has talked about having children in the past and she would be a good mother. If what the doctor said is true and she can't have children, it is really unfair.

Then again, I guess that's the lesson that I should have learned by now. Infertility IS unfair. It hurts so many good people in so many different ways. It shapes part of who you are, or maybe more than just a part. I know that I am certainly a much different person now than I was before all of this started.