Even knowing that there is a good heartbeat. . .
Even knowing that I have an incredibly swollen and bloodied ovary. . .
Even knowing that I am nauseous if I stop taking my medication. . .
I am still so nervous about this pregnancy. Every twinge, every moment that I don't feel nauseous, every time my breasts don't hurt. . . I wonder if the baby has died.
I wonder how many of you read this blog and think, "Stop whining, you fool! You have everything that you have always wanted and you are still not happy! What is wrong with you?"
I wonder that, because I think that myself, sometimes. I wonder when I can finally breathe a little easier and have the ache in my chest go away. I wonder when I will start to really believe that a baby could actually be here in August or early September.
But please don't get me wrong. I am so grateful for whatever time I have with this precious little one. It's just that the more I love this baby, the more I realize what I have to lose.