Fading Fast

Thank you, everyone, for your love and support. I feel as if I have been on a pretty decent emotional rollercoaster these past few days. I am drained and worn out. First, there were the symptoms that made me stop and think, "Hmmmm." Then, there was the spotting that made me think, "Never mind." Then, the spotting stopped, I calculated that my period was late and again, "Hmmmm." Then, the series of faint positives before Friday's dark positive. I scheduled a beta for this morning and with no more spotting at home, I got hopeful.

Last night, I had a couple of swipes of faint pink staining. This morning, there was more on the TP. I took a pregnancy test (the first since Friday) that was so faintly positive that even my eyes had trouble seeing it. Seeing as the test on Friday afternoon was boldly positive, this is not good news. I have been through this too many times to think positively. Spotting, fading pee sticks. . . the handwriting is on the wall.

Of course, I feel guilty. This was a very wanted baby, but a very unplanned one as well. I had some mixed emotions about it, though part of me feels that was just me going into a bit of self-preservation mode. I always had the fear that this would happen and didn't want to get too attached.

Thanks again for the love and support. I am sad today, but I am still grateful for all that I have. We'll be okay.