The Day After

How was my first Mother's Day (well, first with baby outside of my belly)?

In a word? Perfect.

There has never been a more perfect Mother's Day, not in the entire history of mankind. I doubt any Mother's Day following this one will be able to live up to it.

Seriously.

M and Will outdid themselves on my behalf.

First of all, I had a delicious little baby boy to love on. I mean, seriously, did I need anything else but his sweet baby face. . . his little baby laugh. . . his slobbery baby Wisses? No, but I did get more.

We started the day off with my gifts. I wasn't expecting much, us being on a single income and all. But I had two gifts to open.

The first was from M. It was a beautiful Mother's necklace in sterling silver. Absolutely gorgeous.

The second was from Will. It was a "painting" that he did with his Daddy's help. Framed in blue, done in blue, his two hands immortalized in finger paint forever. I loved the necklace, but I cried when I opened the painting. And then I laughed as M described the "fun" they had making my creation. . . oh, and the blue paint droplets I had been finding everywhere in the kitchen suddenly made sense!

I had two cards to open, as well. One from M and one from Will, even signed in his own "hand."

Then, we took a five mile round trip walk to McDonald's. Yes, I am a Mickey D's breakfast lover. It is so bad for me (especially given that I am still trying, largely in vain, to lose my infertility weight), but I love it so. M teased me for being a cheap date (I even used a coupon, so our breakfast was $7), but I loved every bite. I figured the walk offset some of the calories. We even jogged some of the way.

And did I mention that the weather was gorgeous?!? Blue skies, not a cloud in sight, around 65 degrees at 10 AM? Amazing.

We came back after that, and Will and I hung out inside while M washed our cars and did some garage cleaning. I didn't do anything. I had things I could do, but besides spend quality time with Will and feeding him some lunch, I did nothing. Will took a 2 hour afternoon nap and I continued to do nothing, just lounged around.

Then we went to get Will's first hair cut at an overpriced kids salon. But it was worth every penny. The lady was great with him, even when he cried. He got to sit in a car and play with toys and I sang to him when it got to be too much. Of course, I cried a little when they got out the clippers and buzzed his neck area. I was reminded of a little old man and thought about my baby growing old. Sniff, sniff.

After that, we did a bit of "fun" grocery shopping (as in we only shopped for frivolous things that sounded good, rather than the usual stuff that we need) and then headed home, where M proceeded to BBQ some amazing grilled lemon pepper and buffalo (two kinds!) prawns. I had a glass (um, or more?) of my favorite wine. . .

The day couldn't have been more prefect.

And yet. . .

I know there are so many of my friends that are still waiting for their Mother's Days. I started to post about all of this amazing-ness yesterday and yet the guilt kept me from hitting the publish key. So I waited for today and still feel a little self-conscious about blasting my happiness all over this blog. But this is still about my infertility journey, and the first Mother's Day is part of that journey. The feelings of finally savoring this long-awaited day are indescribable - and so mixed. Call it survivor's guilt, call it post-traumatic stress, call it whatever, but there are still the lingerings of my infertile self, wondering why I deserve any of this special attention.

I am not complaining. Just remembering. And treasuring. I am so very thankful for all that I have, for all that I have been blessed with. For as wonderful as yesterday was for me, I know that it was a day of sadness for so many, and my thoughts are with you.