Saturday, May 2, 2009

Another Step

So today marks something rather important in the life of Will. . .

It will be the first night that we spend apart.

I know for many of you, it is probably borderline ridiculous that this will be the first time Will is away from me for an overnight. But perhaps some of you can identify with the feelings rioting through me as I type all the "Willisms" and pack him for his night at Grandma's.

He had I have been together for a long time. . . since that fateful day in December 2007 that two little embryos were transferred to my womb, he has been a physical part of me. We have spent day time apart from each other, but to be honest, I believe the longest that I have ever been away from him is about six hours. . . and he was with M. The longest he has ever been with someone besides M is about three.

So part of me is really excited. It feels good to know that he will be in capable hands and that I can eat a hot meal. While it's hot. With both of my hands! It feels really good to know that I will be able to sleep all night without worry that he will wake up. I can sleep in! I can take a hot bath and not have to get out midway through! I can have a conversation with my husband that is not punctuated with side notes about poopy diapers and goo goo ga ga. As I posted earlier this week, our marriage could really use some TLC. We are heading to a really romantic spa hotel about ten minutes from my in laws, it is the same place where we spent the weekend that we got engaged. It should be a good time to rekindle some romance. So, I am grateful for a grandmother that is begging to spend a night with our son, and looking forward to spending adult time with M.

Part of me is scared, scared that he will need me and I won't be there. Scared that he won't miss me at all and I will feel expendable (hey, it's a feeling, it's there, and it's honest). More scared that he won't sleep at all, or that he won't eat at all, or that he will be sad and cry the whole time. I know these fears are probably very unreasonable. He has been left several times with my mother-in-law and has never had that reaction. And there has never on this earth been a grandmother so devoted to the happiness and well-being of her grandson. If she had to, she would hold him all night, never thinking of rest for herself, probably not even go to the bathroom!

And when I said that I am typing up all of the "Willisms," I am not kidding. I have a binder of information and even a Quick Facts Sheet, in case she doesn't want to spend the entire weekend reading said binder. I have packed way too many clothes, way too much food, and a gazillion books and toys to aid in his entertainment. And don't even get me started on the other things, like tub toys, lotions, ointments, teething tablets, etc. You would not believe the pile of stuff heading north for one night.

One thing I am determined not to pack, however, are these feelings of Mommy guilt. We deserve this time to ourselves, we deserve to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary. And Will deserves to get some indepence and spend some time with his adoring grandmother and great-grandmother.

So, here he goes. . . with a binder, ten suitcases (only slightly exaggerating), and my heart . . .

9 comments:

Mel said...

You will do GREAT, I am sure of it. Will keep you in my heart tonight and pray you have peace and enjoy that much needed time with your husband. It yanks my heart strings to read this post... I am not even .001% ready to be away from L for longer than a few hours and I haven't even come close to feeling ok with her staying with anyone but my husband!
*hugs*

Tracey said...

Enjoy your night, it sounds like you need it. Grandma will have a ball and so will Will.
I understand. The first night apart I spent from DS1 was the night 26 months later I has DS2 and though it was kind of unavoidable I still felt guilty.

Mrs. Piggy said...

Oh yeah, I cannot get over your last post...unbelievable! And here I thought I was a statistical bullet - not compared to you!!!

I have never spent a night away from the kids. But I think the main reason here is no one wants two for the night :( Do you? Where do you live? When can I drop them off?
I hope you and your hubby have a great time. Sounds heavenly...sleeping in? I dont even know what that is anymore!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

You definitely deserve this time and I hope that you have an amazing weekend! ((HUGS))

Joy said...

The first night away is the hardest- it's not weird you feel like this at all!

Here's to rekindling some romance; very important not only to you guys but to Little Will!!!

Grandma will do great, too!

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate. I had this reaction with my boys. I actually still haven't left my youngest with anyone other than my husband and for 2 hours or less. HOWEVER, you shouldn't feel the least bit guilty (which I am sure you know) and I recommend starting out the weekend with a drink to take the edge off! Ha!

Fertilized said...

i do not think these feelings/emotions/ packing sheets are unreasonable at ALL. I do hope you have a very enjoyable relaxing time with your Husband and are able to enjoy the 2 of you again. It is such a weird thing. ENoy ..thinking of you

Lori said...

Enjoy your night! I know that it's easier said than done and it was much longer for me before I spent the first night away from my second daughter, it was YEARS, more than 3 to be exact, and when I left my sister's house without my girls, I cried, hard, I was so sad, I felt like I lost part of me, but once DH and I got out and spent grown up time together in a casino, had dinner, and conversation I was okay. It was so strange to wake up the next morning at a normal hour and fell *almost* rested. It's good for you and I wish I had the opportunity to do it more often!

Amanda said...

All of your reactions sound reasonable to me. I'm sure he'll be fine, but of course you're going to fret a little.

I hope you had a wonderful and revitalizing mini-vacay!