Another Step

So today marks something rather important in the life of Will. . .

It will be the first night that we spend apart.

I know for many of you, it is probably borderline ridiculous that this will be the first time Will is away from me for an overnight. But perhaps some of you can identify with the feelings rioting through me as I type all the "Willisms" and pack him for his night at Grandma's.

He had I have been together for a long time. . . since that fateful day in December 2007 that two little embryos were transferred to my womb, he has been a physical part of me. We have spent day time apart from each other, but to be honest, I believe the longest that I have ever been away from him is about six hours. . . and he was with M. The longest he has ever been with someone besides M is about three.

So part of me is really excited. It feels good to know that he will be in capable hands and that I can eat a hot meal. While it's hot. With both of my hands! It feels really good to know that I will be able to sleep all night without worry that he will wake up. I can sleep in! I can take a hot bath and not have to get out midway through! I can have a conversation with my husband that is not punctuated with side notes about poopy diapers and goo goo ga ga. As I posted earlier this week, our marriage could really use some TLC. We are heading to a really romantic spa hotel about ten minutes from my in laws, it is the same place where we spent the weekend that we got engaged. It should be a good time to rekindle some romance. So, I am grateful for a grandmother that is begging to spend a night with our son, and looking forward to spending adult time with M.

Part of me is scared, scared that he will need me and I won't be there. Scared that he won't miss me at all and I will feel expendable (hey, it's a feeling, it's there, and it's honest). More scared that he won't sleep at all, or that he won't eat at all, or that he will be sad and cry the whole time. I know these fears are probably very unreasonable. He has been left several times with my mother-in-law and has never had that reaction. And there has never on this earth been a grandmother so devoted to the happiness and well-being of her grandson. If she had to, she would hold him all night, never thinking of rest for herself, probably not even go to the bathroom!

And when I said that I am typing up all of the "Willisms," I am not kidding. I have a binder of information and even a Quick Facts Sheet, in case she doesn't want to spend the entire weekend reading said binder. I have packed way too many clothes, way too much food, and a gazillion books and toys to aid in his entertainment. And don't even get me started on the other things, like tub toys, lotions, ointments, teething tablets, etc. You would not believe the pile of stuff heading north for one night.

One thing I am determined not to pack, however, are these feelings of Mommy guilt. We deserve this time to ourselves, we deserve to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary. And Will deserves to get some indepence and spend some time with his adoring grandmother and great-grandmother.

So, here he goes. . . with a binder, ten suitcases (only slightly exaggerating), and my heart . . .