Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Sharing the Hurt

Will and I take a walk with a girlfriend and her daughter almost every day. She was one of the three friends that I told about my pregnancy.

Yesterday, we were walking and talking about the odds and ends of parenting. Sleep schedules, eating, discipline, etc.

Then she asked me, "And how are you feeling?"

And she meant it. She really wanted to know how I was doing. Best of all, she listened when I answered. I didn't have to give the stock answer, I was able to speak from my heart.

Granted, we told very few people this time around, but even when we have told a lot of people in the past about losses, genuine interest in how we deal with those losses is extremely rare. People are sympathetic, but they are also uncomfortable talking about it. I don't fault our friends, but grieving silently is so very lonely.

There are little things that help me to heal. A brisk walk on a sunny day, a friend who truly cares, comments on this blog. Those are all things that help me to heal my heart.

Thank you.

11 comments:

Fertilized said...

I am glad you have such a carrying friend in this time!

Anonymous said...

Katie,

I'm so sorry for your most recent loss of your sweet baby. I do not know the depth and magnitude of recurrent losses such as yours, but I had a miscarriage @ 5.5 weeks in August of 2005, and reading your feelings in your postings brings all those memories flooding back - it was a very dark time, where friends and family couldn't "reach" me, and didn't know much about, and a sorrow that I didn't fully understand until my first son was born in 2006.

Grieving is a lonely place, but know that you're not alone. From one Mommy to another, I'm truly sorry that your heart is hurting right now.

Thinking about and praying for you and your family.

Beth,
Michigan

~Hollie said...

I'm so thankful and grateful that you have such a wonderful friend that can carry you through and be genuine in your process of grief. Wishing you lots of peace and tranquility.

Kristen said...

I'm thinking of you always and praying for peace and healing. I am so glad you have such a great support system. XOXO

Mel said...

Truth?? Friends like that are priceless... genuine. I am so glad you have her.
*hugs*

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

You summed it up perfectly...

grieving silently is so very lonely.

Brianna said...

Hi Katie,
So I don't ever comment on your blog but I am an avid lurker. I have been TTC for a few years now and you give me so much hope that it will one day happen. I just want to tell you that you are one of the strongest people I know. When I am feeling down and like giving up hope after another disappointing cycle, I always come to your blog. I have never been pregnant or experienced a loss such as yours but I just want you to know that your strength has an impact on people, people that you don't even know are reading.

Regards,
Brianna

Amy B said...

I'm so happy you have her. We should all strive to be that type of friend.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

It is so helpful to have a friend like that. ((MANY HUGS))

birdy said...

I have been meaning to comment for a while. Your story and strength are utterly amazing, and have helped me through so much, including the birth of my baby girl in February after 2 losses and 3 years of IF hell. I, too am a SAHM now, after a workaholic career, and while am extremely happy and grateful to be home with my little girl, I am on the learning curve side of things, too! After feeling nauseous last week, I POAS. The dreaded stark white negative hit me like a ton of bricks...and I wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did. I was secretly hoping to be one of "those people" - a surprise pregnancy at last! But, not to be. I hugged my little girl tighter, so grateful for her. I am nervous about my second journey to a baby and having to encounter what I did before. Please know that your bravery in sharing your story has helped me so very very much. And that when you share your hurt (and your joy in your gorgeous little boy!) I am hearing and supporting you even if I am not always able to comment.

Stacey said...

Katie,
I've been away for a week or so and am just now reading about all of this tonight. Just want you to know how sorry I am to learn of this most recent loss. Praying for you now.