Tidings of Great Joy

We had a wonderful weekend with my in-laws with lots of good food and some nice presents. Everyone in the family knows that we are just finishing an IVF cycle, but we decided not to tell them about the ever-darkening pee sticks. We told them that we would have an update for them today after we heard from the clinic.

This morning, we got up early because in order to get the results back today, we had to have the blood draw by 9:00 AM. Getting the blood draw itself with quick and painless. I tried to sweet talk my way into having the results back quickly, but they were pretty backed up and just promised us that we would hear by 3:00 PM.

After the blood was drawn was when I started to get nervous. I mean, I knew that there would be HCG in my system. But I wasn't sure how much. I just wanted the number to be over 100. At least then we would feel comfortably sure that one embryo had implanted. However, I was willing to take 75, since a friend of mine is 14 weeks pregnant with twins, and that was her first beta.

To distract ourselves from the waiting, my husband and I went and had breakfast. We then went and bought our Christmas present to each other - a king sized mattress! We are currently sleeping on a queen sized mattress that I bought right after I graduated from college. It was brand new and I think that I spent around $500 for it, so not the highest quality, although it hasn't been that bad.

We decided to really upgrade this time around went with the super-plush pillow top, with suspension cables instead of coils - it sounds like a soft bridge instead of a mattress. I truly cannot wait to take a good nap in the baby when it gets delivered next Friday.

After the mattress purchase, we went to the Shane Company. We were looking at new diamonds for my wedding ring. We were kind of just killing time, though, because we aren't really in the market for a new diamond. It was in the Shane Company, with a full carat loose diamond in a beautiful setting, that my phone rang. I flipped that diamond off so quickly that it startled the sales girl. We had already told her that we were waiting for an important call, but my haste to grab it seemed to surprise her.

I quickly excused myself and walked over the the entrance of the store to have a smidgen of privacy (but we were in a jewelry store two days before Christmas). The nurse, Roberta, identified herself and I didn't mince words, "Please give me a good number, Roberta."

Then Roberta said, "Well, can I wish you a Merry Christmas, first?"

I wanted to say, "NO, just give me the beta!" But of course, I didn't want to be rude. So I said, "Yes, please."

Roberta replied, "Well, Merry Christmas! I bring tidings of great joy. Your beta is. . . (she paused for what I swear was two years). . . 242!"

Merry Christmas, indeed! Of course, I started crying. 242.

She instructed me to stay on my medications and we wished each other Happy Holidays. I went back to where my husband was standing with the still-startled-looking saleswoman and gave him a big hug and a kiss.

Of course, now we wait for the recheck for doubling, which we can't do until Wednesday. In the meantime, however, we have plans to celebrate this good news and enjoy our Christmas.

There are no guarantees that this number will bring us a baby or babies. I associate pregnancy with loss and sadness, so there is a small part of me that is hesitant, keeping me from getting attached. But most of me knows that no matter what happens, I want to treasure each and every moment. I can only pray that this is it.

Thank you again to everyone for your support and love. I cannot tell you how much it means to me.