To completely throw you all off, I am going to post about something completely unrelated to pregnancy! Shocking, I know. But I am worried about a friend of mine and need some advice.
I was promoted to my current position about a year ago. The manager that helped get me promoted is about my age and we became friends after I was no longer her direct-report. She had two miscarriages last year, both at around 9 weeks, so we grew even closer due to that unfortunate common bond. Her husband was a complete jerk, not just about the miscarriages, but about everything. In August, their marriage broke up and she finally admitted that he was both physically and verbally abusing her.
I began to get concerned about her drinking at about that time. Every time she called me, it seemed as if she was drunk or talking about drinking, even if it was the morning. We met for lunch one time, on a workday, and she was on her second glass of wine before I even got there - and proceeded to have two more as we ate.
To the outside world, she is one of those remarkable people who seem to be able to weather anything. I remember her first miscarriage. She called me sobbing, after having just found out that she lost the baby and would need a D&C. Two hours later, she was up in front of our district, conducting a meeting like nothing had happened. I was amazed at her ability to pull it together. No one would have guessed a thing. People keep saying how "great" she is looking or doing. I see a friend that is getting painfully thin and drinking too much. Our relationship is complicated by the fact that she is still technically senior to me. I am no longer entry-level, but I am not management. I have tried subtly talking to her about my concerns, but she always brushes them off.
I have also heard rumors. Stories of too much drinking at managers' meetings. Getting drunk at the Christmas party that she threw. Pounding shots with her district. Like all "I heard from a friend of a friend" stories, I am sure they are part exaggeration, part truth. But the truth part is what concerns me. I care about her, but I don't know how to help, or even if it's my place.
At one point, it might have been easier, but since I got pregnant, our relationship has changed, which I completely understand. She swears that she is in a different place now, not even thinking about kids, and is happy for me. I believe her, but the return calls are a long time coming. Our daily conversations have drifted to monthly, if that.
Two weeks ago, I heard another rumor. This time, the rumor about her is that she was passed out drunk in the middle of the street and had to be picked up by an ambulance and taken to the hospital. This is the type of rumor that can ruin her career. And it's getting around. After I first heard it, I called her to see if she was all right, mentioning that I had heard that she was in the hospital. She admitted that she had been sick, with a bad case of pneumonia. With everything else I know for a fact, I don't believe her. I asked her if she is seeing a counselor, and she said that she is fine now and doesn't need to see anybody. Then, she changed the subject to the latest guy she is seeing.
So, I am at a loss. I am worried that if I talk to her about it, she will get defensive and shut down. But I also know that if these rumors continue, true or not, it will eventually hurt her career. My husband thinks that I should just stay out of it.
What would you do?