tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post8490860658001752896..comments2023-10-31T07:08:49.742-07:00Comments on Taking the Statistical Bullet: What Would YOU Do?Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08961948894847619115noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-42660984910031339822008-03-16T12:23:00.000-07:002008-03-16T12:23:00.000-07:00what a tough situation! i agree with most that it ...what a tough situation! i agree with most that it might be worth getting h.r. involved if you think they might be able to help. you can always ask what they would do before giving them her name... <BR/><BR/>if you don't have a good h.r. department, you might want to try getting her out to lunch at a quiet little out-of-the-way place. or emailing... if you do talk to her/email her, try to focus on your concern for her... what she's gone through... how it would be tough for anyone. before bringing up the alcohol, ask her how she's dealing with the stress... does she think that anything is not going as well as she hoped... in therapy, we always try to get the person to realize that things that they are using to make their lives easier are actually making them much harder.<BR/><BR/>good luck!mooskhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06145743050516570958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-87167233253441233302008-03-14T19:57:00.000-07:002008-03-14T19:57:00.000-07:00Katie, I have to agree with Antigone on this one. ...Katie, <BR/>I have to agree with Antigone on this one. She is going to have to admit she has a problem before she will even consider seeking help. You know admitting and accepting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Yeah, I know it's a 12 step kind of saying but I'm beginning to think life needs to be taken in 12 steps! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912286121374215944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-90415426757611523292008-03-14T18:11:00.000-07:002008-03-14T18:11:00.000-07:00Don't stay out of it. Can you 'corner' her for a l...Don't stay out of it. Can you 'corner' her for a lunch and talk to her? If everyone in her life stays out of it, there's might be a big disaster. If you try, then at least you know you tried. Too often we do nothing when we could have done something to help. Even if she's not ready to hear you now, at least you'll know that your heart was in the right place. <BR/>Good luck with this -- it's not easy.Carihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05393161684903922217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-45505592247268293302008-03-14T18:06:00.000-07:002008-03-14T18:06:00.000-07:00She's going to need to want to get help. Reaching ...She's going to need to want to get help. Reaching out and letting her know that you'll be there for her whenever she needs you, that's all you really can do.Antigonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09206205690072218302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-83584264243914441572008-03-14T17:32:00.000-07:002008-03-14T17:32:00.000-07:00I really don't know, to tell you the truth. You ca...I really don't know, to tell you the truth. You care about her, but she's obviously in denial that she has a problem, so it's a tough one. I think that I would write a heart-felt letter. If you confront her in person, she may be defensive or embarrassed. So I think that a letter from the right place may be best. Maybe you could offer to go to an AA meeting and offer up some locations/times. Just ask her to try it once and that you'll be there to support her. Unfortunately, you can't convince someone that they have a problem if they don't want to accept that they do, so all that you can do is show her that you care.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00680931702262048959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-9697782444961208442008-03-14T12:58:00.000-07:002008-03-14T12:58:00.000-07:00What a spot you’re in. I can see where her life i...What a spot you’re in. I can see where her life is upside down, and alcohol is now her addiction. As a friend, I think saying something to her is something you need to do, but she will most likely get defensive with you (and probably pissed). Going to HR may be better, they can deal with it and it won't interfere with your relationship.Optimistichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05200013616475471598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-17176827619445467512008-03-14T10:12:00.000-07:002008-03-14T10:12:00.000-07:00I am a different kind of person - i would go with ...I am a different kind of person - i would go with an email - NOT a work email but a personal email if you have it. (as long as you are not afraid that others will read it. Just remember that once in writing - there is no denying you wrote it and know that it is less "in your face" because the receptiant does not have to respond. If she chooses n ott orespond or come to you for help then - you have done your job - you have cast your concerns and it puts the ball in her court to come to you when/if she ever feels the need to - it makes you available to her.AwkwardMomentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11854477296635420810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-46738781027160826362008-03-14T08:43:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:43:00.000-07:00That is a really tough situation. On one hand, I'...That is a really tough situation. On one hand, I'm with your hubby. You're friendship is drifting anyhow and anything you try to do to help might be taken badly. But on the other hand it seems wrong just to let this go on because it would be difficult. I like Ms. J's idea if you feel comfortable with your company and HR department. If she has been an excellent manager for them, they would probably want to help her.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00985331491572039777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-58167499917173270202008-03-14T08:42:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:42:00.000-07:00This is such a tough spot to be in. I wish I has s...This is such a tough spot to be in. I wish I has something brilliant to suggest.<BR/><BR/>Everyone else posted great suggestions. I like Kathy V's idea of an anonymous letter. <BR/><BR/>You are a really great friend for caring so much.Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17786525217385383129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-42133911104033148352008-03-14T08:29:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:29:00.000-07:00I guess I would have to stay with Miss J. If ther...I guess I would have to stay with Miss J. If there is nobody in HR that you can talk to about a coworker (no names until you see if there is a program or something to help her), then maybe an anonymous letter. If these rumors are already flying around, you wouldn't be getting her in trouble as much as getting her the help she needs. She might not even be willing to admit that she has a problem at this point. You are a good friend for trying to look out for her. Plus if these rumors are going around somebody higher up will catch on at some point. Get her help before she gets herself into trouble.Kathy Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15658449843683175580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-5769013098525092252008-03-14T08:19:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:19:00.000-07:00My first inclination was to agree with your husban...My first inclination was to agree with your husband. You don't know any of her friends or family, and she is not discussing the subject with you when you try to intervene yourself. <BR/><BR/>However, as an ex-HR manager, I tend to agree with ms. J. Hopefully you've got at least one decent contact in HR. I know you probably hate going to them with this, because you're worried about her job, but *most* companies would prefer to see good employees get help rather than pull the trigger and lose them once the situation has escalated to the point of no return.<BR/><BR/>And I'm afraid she's getting very close to that point. <BR/><BR/>I don't want to be overly dramatic here, either, but losing a job isn't the *worst* thing that can happen to a person. Losing a life to alcoholism, however, could be. <BR/><BR/>Tough situation. Keep us posted.Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02248665952867223815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-79909512845536669712008-03-14T08:09:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:09:00.000-07:00Because it sounds like you work for an organizatio...Because it sounds like you work for an organization large enough to have a Human Resources Dept I am gonna offer the following . . . is there any way you could go to them with your concerns? I had a quack of an HR person at my old job, but when something very bad happened to me I did go to HR and they set me up with free counseling sessions courtesy of the "Employee Assistance Program" (EAP), which really helped a lot, and I still see that counselor when I need a mental tune-up. <BR/><BR/>In addition to ruining her own life, I would be concerned that she could kill someone via drinking and driving. THAT is where it would (to me) seem the onus to get involved comes about. <BR/><BR/>Any chance of an anonymous note to the HR person? Or someone higher up in the food chain? (Just trying to throw out ideas). <BR/><BR/>I think your husband wants to relive your stress level -- so maybe by passing this off to someone else you will achieved the goal of getting someone else to try and step in, and well as YOU no longer feeling any sense of duty?!<BR/><BR/>You are a good person to be so concerned. Bless you. You may save her life, or someone else's.Ms. Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04734867984972785143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-82907811398114406262008-03-14T08:07:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:07:00.000-07:00I think that's a good idea, except that I don't kn...I think that's a good idea, except that I don't know ANY of her other friends of family. I know some other coworkers that she is close to as well, but I am afraid that if I start talking to them, it is rumormongering. And it might get back to her first.Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08961948894847619115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6490746375774981338.post-85583465470851538612008-03-14T08:05:00.000-07:002008-03-14T08:05:00.000-07:00i would try to schedule an intervention! we all k...i would try to schedule an intervention! we all know that people who are addicted or have a substance abuse problem cannot do anything about it until they admit to the problem. can you call AA and ask them about an intervention? i know its difficult but i truly think you have her best interests at heart, and better safe than sorry, i say. even if most of it is rumors that you've heard - one too many is starting to add up to a bigger picture. she needs help! can you contact a family member that you know? good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com