So, Will is getting more yellow and his billirubin count has further increased. He is still not in the "critical danger zone" that requires the special lighting to come to our house, but they are worried that perhaps my breastmilk is not the best thing for him right now. I have been forced away from the good Dr. Google by my parents, friends, and my husband, so I don't really understand all of it, but there is some enzyme in breastmilk that inhibits the natural function of the liver. Sometimes, babies cannot be breastfed if they are not resolving jaundice on their own. I am on a 24 to 48-hour pump and freeze cycle and he is on formula.
This has been a hard pill for me to swallow. I would never be one to judge what another woman chooses to do as far as feeding her baby. I know many very healthy babies who have been formula fed. But based on reading about the benefits of breastfeeding and in consulting with his pediatrician, we had decided that it was worth giving it a shot. So, I did more reading and researching, attended a La Leche meeting, and had daily lactation consultations in the hospital. It wasn't easy, it hurt more than a bit, but we got it down.
And I loved it.
I loved the fact that I finally felt as if my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. It was feeding my son. He was gaining weight. He seemed to love it, too. I loved the feeling of absolute closeness, of feeling as if I could be exactly what he needed. I loved that for several hours each day, I had no choice but to be with Will. And who can argue with that? Who can say, "The dishes should be done" when the baby needs to be fed?
Not to say that we can't go back to breastmilk when the jaundice turns around. But I am concerned that he will get used to the far easier sucking that he gets with a bottle. He slurped down his first four ounces with glee. I winced as he sighed with contentment, even though I want what is best for him and his health.
I know this is what being a parent is truly about: doing what is best for your child, even if it makes you feel sad inside. I would never go against the recommendation of his pediatrician, but my heart aches when a bottle is put to his lips. The good news, of course, is that I can always pump and give him breastmilk that way. It's just not quite the same.
Has anyone had any experience getting a baby back on breastfeeding after a break?