I lived in fear of putting dates on the calendar for a long time with this pregnancy. With so many lost angels, there are a lot of circled and scratched out dates in my dayplanners of the past.
When friends and family started asking about showers, I put them off as long as I could. It wasn't that I didn't want the showers, but I didn't want empty dates with no meaning, yet all of the meaning in the world. I already have more of those than I care to think about.
The birth center where I will deliver also requires a Labor & Delivery prep class, which includes the infamous hospital tour. I got a reminder in the mail two weeks ago that I needed to sign up soon, because they like you to have the class completed by 34 weeks. That's August 1, ladies and gentleman. Barely two months away.
My husband's best friend and his wife want to get a cabin in the mountains for a weekend this summer. Since it's a couple of hours from here and no where near a good hospital, we know that we should also do that relatively soon.
All of these dates coming so fast made me realize that it was time to sit down with the calendar. I started putting in all of the dates for the four (yes, four, we are blessed more than I can even begin to say) showers, the classes, the tour, the weekend away, and I started realizing that this summer is going to be over before I know it. I was looking at the page for August and my eyes kept drifting down to August 30. Would you even believe that until yesterday, I didn't even know that August 30 was a Saturday? I just never let myself look that far ahead.
I started to close the calendar and then I realized that I still needed to put one last date on the page. I even switched from the ball point pen that I had been using to a red Sharpie. First, I circled the date. Then, I wrote in capital letters: "Baby Boy Due." I looked at the page for a few minutes. My heart was actually beating faster than usual and I felt a little tug of remorse at my boldness.
This is silly, of course, because this date is emblazoned in my mind, regardless of being on any physical calendar. But just putting it there, seeing it there, was a big step for me.