Second Time Jitters

I am not a first timer when it comes to this whole L&D thing. So you'd think I'd be less worried about going into labor this time than last. That would make sense, of course.

Well, you'd be wrong.

With Will, I wanted to go into labor early (well, past 37 weeks), but honestly thought I'd be one of those 41-weekers that ended up needing an induction. When I had him at 38 weeks, 3 days, I was pretty surprised. I had Braxton Hicks contractions regularly throughout my pregnancy, starting pretty early on (in the second trimester). I really didn't look for signs of impending labor and, to be honest, I wasn't that worried about it.

We had our bag packed, we had back-up care for our dogs, and we live less than 15 minutes from our birthing center. As pretty much the very last of my friends to have a baby, I'd heard all the delivery stories, and I expected many false alarms and perhaps even a trip or two to L&D and being sent home before the Real Deal happened.

This time, it's different in a big way. . . we have Will to consider. My MIL is an hour away. Her bags are packed and she is ready to come get Will if the need arises, but of course, it will take at least an hour. Now, I know we'll have an hour but I also don't have time to sit around wondering "is this it?" I don't want to be all Chicken Little about it, either, and have her come down for no reason. So, I feel a bit of pressure there (oh, and we do have a back up plan with local friends if we need to get to the hospital faster).

Also, a couple of weeks ago, M told me point blank that if I did "what I did last time" then he would be really angry. "What I did last time" was let him sleep after my water broke. To be honest, this really hurt my feelings when he said it as i felt as if I was doing him a favor. Since I wasn't sure if it was the Real Deal, I waited until I was sure my water had broken and my contractions were a predictable 5 - 6 minutes apart before I woke him. He then felt very rushed as he got ready, because by that point, I was getting uncomfortable and distracted. But I did it with his very best interests at heart and I never knew how much it bothered him until now. So, more pressure to let him know earlier this time.

I have had a few times this past week where I thought things might be getting started. One was last night. I had really painful contractions that were coming pretty regularly and quickly for over an hour, even when I was resting. I couldn't get to sleep at all until after they stopped at midnight. I hated to tell M, because I don't want him to get to the point where he doesn't listen, but I am kind of afraid to not tell him in case it ends up being labor. Obviously, as I am sitting here typing this from my house, it didn't turn out to be anything.

I feel more antsy this time than I did last time, more "ready" to go. With Will, I was "ready," but we still had lots of things to do and I had just started my maternity leave and was looking forward to relaxing and lounging around a bit. This time, we are far more "ready." The few things left on my To Do List are honestly silly things that don't need to get done. I will always have things that I want to get done, baby or not. And lounging around with a toddler? Ha! Plus, I am just ready to get my body and energy back. I know I will still be tired from the c-section, nursing, and of course, nightly sojourns with Emma, but I remember feeling pretty darn good after having Will, despite all of that, so I am hoping for the same this time around. Also, I have a good friend who is three weeks postpartum (also after a c-section) and I can see her old pre-pregnancy spark returning. I am eager for my own and to actually PLAY with Will again and get in our new "normal" life.

So, all of this to say, I am eager to get the show on the road, and also trying to treasure these last days with Will. I also still have a few things that I would "like" to get done, including a haircut tomorrow morning while a friend watches Will for me. It's an exciting time to be sure.