9 DPO

It's been quite some time since I have had a title with abbreviations in it. Huh.

So, as it proclaims, it is 9 DPO.

Raise your hands if any of you were around for my crazy TTC cycles two years ago?

Crickets chirping? One or two hands tentatively raised? I know there are still a few of you out there, but I know a lot of readers jumped on while I was in my IVF cycle and may have missed the insanity.

For those of you who weren't around for late summer/early fall 2007, you might want to click back and take a look at how insane I was. If you don't want to take the time to read back, let me just remind you that I could take upwards of five tests in a day. I had been known to take a test apart to get a better look at the strip. I climbed into a window one time to get natural lighting for my test gazing.

Am I proud of that woman? Nope.

Am I ashamed that I wasted all of those pee sticks? Yep.

Will it happen again? That is still undecided.

I saw a therapist during that crazy TTC time. I was very honest with her about how many sticks I peed on. Heck, I believe that I even peed on one in her waiting room restroom once (it was a BFN). I expected her to do some aversion therapy, something involving burning the sticks, or maybe wearing a rubberband on my wrist and giving myself a good snap when I had the urge to POAS.

I was surprised when she actually encouraged my behavior. Her view was that while it was definitely a compulsion for me, it was a healthy one in that no one was hurt by it (unless you count the time that I elbowed a lady out of the way for the last FRER at Wal.mart - kidding, kidding. . . ) and that it was a good way for me to feel as if I was actively participating in my cycles. So much of it was beyond my control, there was nothing I could do to really change the outcome. Not that POASing did that, but it made me feel as if I was doing something.

Many people going through infertility turn to self-destructive habits, like drinking too much, narcotic pain medications, excessive exercise to get through each cycle. So, to pee on too many sticks? Little league.

I do not have any sticks in the house. I really want to wait until I am at least late for my period. Even then, as most of our losses have been so early, it would make sense to wait until I was a week or two late, and then I could just convince myself that it was a slightly late, heavier-than-usual period.

Yeah, I laughed just typing that. We all know it will be a miracle if I make it to 14 DPO without testing.

Especially since M says that I smell.