Saturday, November 14, 2009

13 DPO

Well, I finally gave into the call of the pee-sticks today. Who would ever have thought that me, the self-proclaimed poas-aholic could wait all the way until 13 DPO? Not me.

And as for the results of my pee-a-thon? Let's just say that I am not going to be that girl who miraculously gets pregnant on her first TTC-again cycle.

I am a bit surprised that M's nose was wrong, but at least I didn't start my "Know From Implantation" Campaign yet. Just think of the mass-recall.

M asked if I was disappointed. I guess that I am, but not that soul-crushing, mind-numbing disappointment that I used to experience after a BFN. After all, we just started trying. I really can't be surprised that it didn't work and definitely can't be truly disappointed. Not really.

So many people don't even have their first miracle, so I feel a bit (maybe more like a lot) greedy if I am disappointed that I don't yet have my second. And we have lots of options and time.

But (she says in a tiny, very small, very embarrassed and ashamed voice) I guess if I am completely honest, I am disappointed. And disappointed in myself for feeling that way.

8 comments:

Ms. J said...

Sorry, honey. I know how thankful you are for Will . . . . But its still okay to have hope and some "darn it" feelings.

Maybe if you just adopted?! Oh wait, that's the kind of F'ed up sh*t they say to me, LMAO.

you have such a beautiful attitude, matched by your beautiful little guy :o)

Polka Dot said...

It's ok to be disappointed. As much as you love and adore Will, it doesn't take the sting away that IF has seemed to permanently place in our hearts.

So it's ok. Don't feel bad for feeling bad.

HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm disappointed too. I was very hopeful that you would be one of those people too.

Anonymous said...

Don't be disappointed in yourself for feeling that way. Don't let infertility take away from you what is your right as a woman to have - true, honest feelings... good or bad.

Joy said...

Never feel guilty to want more children!

Sorry it was a BFN today. *HUGS*

Leanne said...

So sorry it was a BFN. :-(

Roadblocks and Roller Coasters said...

There is nothing wrong with being disappointed. Having one child doesn't magically erase the desire for more (especially if you've always wanted more than one). I can't tell you how many times I was disappointed in the months following Lemy's birth and we were definitely not trying.

I'm so sorry that this time wad a BFN, but I have faith that a BFP is coming for you and I pray that it comes quickly. ((many hugs))

manapan said...

I'm sorry. I wish it had worked out this month for you.