A Rather Strange Thought

Here's today's random thought. What kind of birth control should I use?

That's right. It's almost time for my six week post-partum check. Friends have warned me that it's best to go in knowing what kind of birth control you would like to use because the doctor will be ready to write the prescription and not so hot on "just winging it". After all we went through to get our Little Man, it seems insane to me to even have to be thinking about preventing pregnancy when achieving it was my whole world not that very long ago. However, since getting pregnant wasn't always our problem, I do have to give this some thought.

There are many options, of course. Since we do want another baby eventually, we could just take our chances. After all, I am almost exclusively breastfeeding, so the possibility of getting pregnant is slim. But it is still there. And we have our hands pretty full with Will for the moment and would like to wait a minute on trying for the second baby. Plus, we have some frozen embryos that we'd rather not waste, so when we do go for number two, we'll probably go that route.

Then there are the progesterone-only birth control pills. But as my readers who were around during the IVF cycle will remember, one of my body's magic tricks is ovulating on BCPs. Of course, the pill combined with the breastfeeding should cover us pretty well. The only problem is that my combination post-baby brain and sleep deprivation lead me to be concerned that I might forget to take my pill. Baby brain is no joke.

Then, there is the injectible BC. I took that when my husband and I were first doin' the wild thang. I gained twenty pounds. Since I just gained and lost thirty pounds and have another ten to fifteen to go, I'd rather not get on that merry-go-round, thankyouverymuch.

But I do have to do something. I just can't take my chances. Not now.

See, it isn't even the getting pregnant that is the problem. If I were to get and stay pregnant right now or in the immediate future, well, that would just be a gift. Perhaps a bit earlier than expected, but really, we'd be okay and consider ourselves incredibly blessed. It's the very real possibility that we would miscarry again that scares the bejeemus out of me. I just don't feel emotionally or physically ready to handle that right now. I don't think it's fair to Will. Heck, I don't think it's fair to me. Or my husband.

My miscarriages just about did me in and I don't think it would be any easier now. I mean, yes, I have my miracle Will. But in some ways, that might make it harder. After all, now I would know what I was losing, not just the abstract. It's hard enough being a new mom without throwing in the physical and emotional insanity that comes with losing a baby.

My appointment isn't until Friday, so I have some time left to decide. But how weird is it to be contemplating birth control?

In a word? Very.