Monday, September 8, 2008

First Day Alone - Edited

Well, I won't be alone of course. Will is here with me.

But today is my husband's first day back at work. And I am nervous.

Sunday was a hard day with Will. He is usually a pretty easy-going baby. If something makes him upset, we can usually soothe him by picking him up and cuddling him close. Yesterday, he got into that overtired mode where nothing calmed him. Even our usual standby of a walk only worked for about an hour. Finally, I held him for two hours while he took a much-needed nap. I really cringe when I think about the bad habits that we might be creating, but I am trying to take a one-day-at-a-time approach at this point.

I was lucky to have M home for such a long time, but I am sad that he is going back. I know he is sad, too.

No matter how tough it gets, however, infertility has left me with a gift. I know nothing is as hard as losing babies. Not even when your Real Live One won't stop crying. That's easy in comparison.

Edited:

So, it's afternoon now. Half way through my first day at home alone with Will. It's gone pretty well, after the initial bout of tears that I had when the door closed behind M. I felt badly because I tried to make him a cup of coffee to take with him to work and then couldn't find the lid for the travel mug. I wanted him to have a good send off, since I knew he was less than excited about going back to work. Instead, it felt very rushed as he said goodbye to Will and me. His last words to me, however, were to take it easy today and that my only job is to take care of the baby.

Of course, I didn't listen.

I have done two loads of laundry, changed the sheets on the bed, mopped the kitchen floor, tossed out all of the dead flowers from the hospital, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, and cleaned the litter box. All of this while carrying Will in the Bab.y B.jorn - thank goodness for this miracle tool! I am actually quite pleased with myself for getting all of these things done. I want M to come home to a clean(er) home. It still isn't up to what I would like it to be, but it's a start. And my back is starting to hurt from packing this kid around.

I also managed a shower and a bit of makeup. My best friend, C, stopped by with breakfast and it was good to visit with her for a little while. This afternoon, I am hoping to take Will for a walk and enjoy some of the beautiful sunshine we're having. Since I have all of my "chores" done, I can relax this afternoon and savor being a Mom . . .

It's a good day.

17 comments:

Kim said...

You'll be okay, I promise. It may be rough.. but you'll get into a routine together soon enough.

Joy said...

I'm sure the first day was just fine! I remember being nervous, too, though, so I can totally relate. Don't worry about holding him for naps. They do outgrow it!!! My oldest had to be held *constantly* or she'd cry and cry for hours. The rough part was that MOMMY was the only one who could hold her.

She's now an active, loving 3 year old who's been sleeping in her own room and in a regular bed for 2 years.

Jen said...

You can do it! One day at a time is perfect.

Fertilized said...

You just keep doing what it takes to make everyone happy/comfortable. There is not a right/wrong way for you to raise your child. Confidence will come

Christy said...

You will be great! I was nervous as all get out when Brian went back to work a few weeks ago. The first day was the hardest, especially because we left the house to do some errands. I was a wreck worrying about Andrew in the back of the car. But, we survived, and so will you.

And as far as the bad habit things go, I have the same worries and everyone assures me that there is no such thing as spoiling at this point in the game. Hold and cuddle to your heart's content!

Gibson Twins said...

I hope you and Will have a great day at home together! Don't worry about breaking those "rules" of parenthood. You won't. It's YOUR baby so YOU make the rules!

What I wouldn't give to hold even one of my babies through a nap these days. It only lasts for a little while.

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

You have the most beautiful son ever! I have enjoyed these posts on his first few days of life SO much. I know you'll miss your husband's help and I know he'll miss you and the baby.... Hang in there, I know you'll find your way soon!

Beth said...

Thinking of you today, Katie! Seems like no one should have to go back to "real life" after such a miraculous event takes place.

I agree with the other commenters - do what works with Will. Go with your gut! Most importantly, do what works to keep your sanity. It's so true, this newborn "stage" won't last for long.

Hope your recovery is continuing to go well. :)

Debby said...

I promise you that you are not creating any bad habits. The first few weeks are so hard just do whatever it takes to get through. And I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel and it all gets easier...

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

It's really hard early on. I had a very difficult time adjusting until we hit week 4. Then it was like a light bulb went on for both Lemy and I and we just got each other. We still have our moments and we fight the overtired fussiness on an almost daily basis, but it gets better.

And don't worry about holding him and creating bad habits. You can't spoil a newborn and there is plenty of time for him to learn to sleep on his own. And he will. I promise. Because if Lemy can do it, I'm fairly certain any baby can! :)

((HUGS))

Melissa said...

I hope your first day on your own went well! I remember being alone with my twins when they finally came home from the NICU and being terrified! If I could handle being alone with two premature infants, you can handle one gorgeous healthy amazing little guy like Will! Hope your day was wonderful!

Jen said...

At this stage of the game (I'm guessing) you shouldn't worry about bad habits and just do what you need to do. I hope everything goes smoothly today!

Joy said...

Wonderful update! Sounds like you got lots done. But I'm sure your hubby won't mind unloading the dishwasher now and then.

It's amazing to hear how you're doing, especially after a c-sec!

InfertileMadWoman said...

Damn woman you are my Hero!!! Turtle is almost 8 months old, and a shower is still a luxery in this house... oh and so are clean dishes!! LOL

It sounds like you are going to do just fine sweetie, but make sure to sleep when he does, or you are gonna run smack into a wall!!

Hugs,
Rebel

Yoka said...

I know that feeling of being alone at home with the little one. It is my husband's second week at work and I miss him terribly.

Kim said...

I knew you would do, okay. It will get better and easier.

Oh, and I bet M would LOVE it if you e-mailed him some pictures from during the day.. or if you had a little album or frame made up so that he can show Will off at work.

Polka Dot said...

lol so much for just keeping an eye on the baby! I do believe the husband will need to strap you down if he's to keep you from going overboard lol