Well, I won't be alone of course. Will is here with me.
But today is my husband's first day back at work. And I am nervous.
Sunday was a hard day with Will. He is usually a pretty easy-going baby. If something makes him upset, we can usually soothe him by picking him up and cuddling him close. Yesterday, he got into that overtired mode where nothing calmed him. Even our usual standby of a walk only worked for about an hour. Finally, I held him for two hours while he took a much-needed nap. I really cringe when I think about the bad habits that we might be creating, but I am trying to take a one-day-at-a-time approach at this point.
I was lucky to have M home for such a long time, but I am sad that he is going back. I know he is sad, too.
No matter how tough it gets, however, infertility has left me with a gift. I know nothing is as hard as losing babies. Not even when your Real Live One won't stop crying. That's easy in comparison.
So, it's afternoon now. Half way through my first day at home alone with Will. It's gone pretty well, after the initial bout of tears that I had when the door closed behind M. I felt badly because I tried to make him a cup of coffee to take with him to work and then couldn't find the lid for the travel mug. I wanted him to have a good send off, since I knew he was less than excited about going back to work. Instead, it felt very rushed as he said goodbye to Will and me. His last words to me, however, were to take it easy today and that my only job is to take care of the baby.
Of course, I didn't listen.
I have done two loads of laundry, changed the sheets on the bed, mopped the kitchen floor, tossed out all of the dead flowers from the hospital, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, and cleaned the litter box. All of this while carrying Will in the Bab.y B.jorn - thank goodness for this miracle tool! I am actually quite pleased with myself for getting all of these things done. I want M to come home to a clean(er) home. It still isn't up to what I would like it to be, but it's a start. And my back is starting to hurt from packing this kid around.
I also managed a shower and a bit of makeup. My best friend, C, stopped by with breakfast and it was good to visit with her for a little while. This afternoon, I am hoping to take Will for a walk and enjoy some of the beautiful sunshine we're having. Since I have all of my "chores" done, I can relax this afternoon and savor being a Mom . . .
It's a good day.