Thursday, June 19, 2008

What I know

I know that both gestational diabetes and low iron levels are common in pregnancy.

I know that neither of those things are dangerous to me or the baby if handled properly.

I know that I have a competent medical team that will handle it properly.

I know that I can follow rules and instructions and be successful on any diet that I am given.

I know that nothing I did (or didn't do) caused these problems.

I know that, in the scheme of complications, GD is nothing. It's not even a complication, really, just more of a nuisance.

I know that, no matter what the test reveals tomorrow, everything will be fine.

I know that Little Man is doing great in there. He was moving and grooving last night like there was his own personal boxing match going on in there.

Even with all that I know, I am still upset about failing the 1-hour GTT. I just hate feeling like a "failure." I am used to not being terribly good at pregnancy, but I had allowed myself to be lulled into feeling like I could do it. Now, I am back to feeling uncertain again.

Proof of this was the bad dream that I had last night. I dreamt that the baby died and that for some strange reason, they wanted me to carry him to term. So, I had to walk around with a dead baby inside of me for 10 weeks. Everyone kept treating me the same, asking when I was due, if it was a boy or girl, and all I could do was cry. I woke up crying. I had to go drink some cold water and push on my tummy until Baby pushed back, no doubt very irritated that I was waking him up for something so trivial. I can just feel him plotting his revenge!

So, I know I am probably being silly. After all, we don't even know if I have GD or not. And so many people fail the one hour, then pass the three hour. I am really getting ahead of myself.

But it still scares me to have anything out of the ordinary happen. I was really enjoying normal.


Newt said...

Oh, what a terrible dream! I don't blame you for being upset.

I hope you pass the 3-hour with flying colors, but I know you'll be fine either way. Hang in there, Katie! Little Man is a fighter.

Jen said...

You're'll be able to handle this no matter how it turns out, and it is not your fault. Now you just have to keep saying it over and over to yourself until you believe it. Because yeah, it is tough.

Mrs. Piggy said...

I had one of those dreams too, it sure sticks with you doesnt it.

Your posts make me laugh, they are things that I thought throughout my pregnancy.
Its so hard to believe this is real isnt it? I have two babies in the bouncers, one is crying, and I still dont believe that this is my life now.
I am still pretty sure this is a dream and I'm just waiting to wake up.

Mel said...

Horrible, awful dream.
That is not going to happen, keep your chin up.
You can't be a failure, you got (and stayed) pregnant!! Just remember how miserable and awful you felt in the past and realize that this small blip on the pregnancy map is nothing compared to other situations you've been through.... I know you can do it. ;)

Polka Dot said...

oh hon I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. This is a minor bleep on the radar. And you're right - a lot of women fail the one our and pass the 3 hour. And some even fail that one, too. It does not mean you're a failure, though! It just means you're normal. Really. You're having a very very normal pregnancy.

Now ... I demand, on behalf of all of us I'm sure, more belly pics. Really. You looked amazing at the shower and I think 2 measly pictures is unfair.

*starts to hold breath*

; )

Jen said...

Oh, I completely get that feeling. I always listen really hard on the hearing tests because I want to do awesome. And once I said the wrong letter during an eye exam even though I saw the right letter.

But you can do it and you are doing it! You are doing great.

JuliaS said...

It is not entirely out of the realm of possibilities to fail your 1 hour GTT and pass the 3 hour. Hoping you find that to be the case for you.

Good wishes and hang in there!

PamalaLauren said...

It scared the bejeebus out of me when I failed the 1 hour. But then I passed the 3 hour and I felt better. Of course being the worry wort I was, I just moved on to worrying about something else.

I have a feeling that you'll pass the 3 hour though, and if you don't you and your baby will be fine!

Fertilized said...

You are not being silly- don't you remember my GD melt downs. I think it is those "failed" words that just hurt our hearts and souls SO MUCH. We want to do everything just perfect and some times - that is not not something we can control. I am sendng you prayers and hugs! For I have head these very similiar thoughts. You are doing just great.

Joy said...

You're right! Many women do pass the 3-hour one (they should just make it mandatory).

Ms. J said...

You can absolutely deal with this!

That nightmare sounds awful. I have heard to have awful thoughts like that in your sleeping thoughts is NOT uncommon, if it's any comfort -- so please try not to read into it. It's much like the bad dreams brides-to-be have -- remember those?! My recurrent bad bridal dream was showing up at church 15 minutes before my wedding with wet PERMED hair (haven't had a perm in 17 years), and not a hair dryer or curling iron in sight!

Stay strong and positive Sweetie -- YOU and Baby Boy are doing great!!!

Yoka said...

What a terrible dream. I am glad that little man was kicking you back immediately to show that he is still there.
Those are things out of your control. I know how hard it is to give up control...

Anonymous said...

That is an aweful dream to have had. Try and take it each day as it comes, try not worry too much until you know for sure you have something to worry about. You are doing well, you are "normal". Take care!

Deborah said...

It is so horrible being torn between positive and negative thoughts and it doesn't help when you subconscious rears it's ugly head in such a terrible dream. I know this might sound a little weird, but I swear it works. Write down all your negative thoughts, get them all out there..even the really silly ones. Read it out loud, then tear it up, burn it, just destroy it. Then right down all the postive things on decorative paper..something really pretty, hang it up somewhere that you can see it everyday. I hope you are feeling more upbeat really soon. Take care!

cass said...

Having failed the 3-hour a week ago myself I find it is easier to change your view.... It isn't that the complications are failures, rather you are an overachiever who is giving your OB team a run for their money! (At least that is what I keep telling myself.) Interestingly, in monitoring my glucose levels it seems that so long as I don't drink a big bottle of that yucky orange stuff, my blood sugar is entirely manageable--go figure.

Hang in there.