Big Brother

People often ask how Will is doing in the transition to being a big brother. For the most part, I think he's done very well. We've had some moments here and there, but he is mostly loving and gentle with his little sister, and though I wouldn't ever leave them alone in the same room together, I do not truly fear that he would hurt her on purpose. What would concern me more is that he would try to "help" her in some way and accidentally cause her harm. He just hasn't shown any sort of overt jealousy or anger toward her. When he has acted out, it is usually directed at me.

How did we prepare him? We started talking about the baby with him and named her very early on - basically right after the anatomy scan,. We took him to every single doctor's appointment so that he could hear the "heart beep." We had about ten different "I'm a Big Brother" type books that he called "Emma Books." We didn't try to force the books on him, but when he chose books at night, he almost always picked an "Emma Book." We took him to the store about a week before Emma was born and had him pick a toy for his sister and also had Emma "buy" a toy for Will. We introduced them at the hospital on "neutral ground" and had him bring her home with us as a family.

Once Emma arrived, we made sure that Will still felt special. Obviously, our attention was now divided, but we did our best to make sure that he still got one-on-one time with both of us. I took him for walks, M took him to the park, etc. During times that I absolutely must have my focus on Emma, I try to include him. When I am nursing, we often read stories together or I let him have a special snack We also introduced t.v. to Will about the same time Emma was born. This was very handy because I could remind him that only big brothers get to watch t.v. and he is still very excited about this new treat, so it definitely has been a sanity saver on some days.

Most people that I knew that had already made the Leap to two found that the first two weeks were the hardest in terms of the older sibling adjusting, and I definitely found that to be the case. I felt as if it was almost magical, but at the 2 week point, he stopped having as many tantrums and fighting bedtime (which had been the two things that I noticed that happened right after we brought Emma home).

Probably the most effective tool I had for dealing with those early tantrums was The Big Box of Gifts. I had bought little toys and treats whenever I saw things on sale or at garage sales over the summer before Emma was born. I am not talking big ticket items. I bought things like a box of Cheerios, Matchbox cars, bubbles, a little flashlight, and fruit snacks. I wrapped the gifts in old newspaper and leftover bits of wrapping paper and put them in a big box. My mom brought more little gifts with her when they came to visit and added hers to my collection. Then, whenever we were having a "moment," I would remind Will about the Big Box of Gifts and that helpful big brothers got to pick a gift. I also remembered to commend him when we were having a good moment (like when he spontaneously kissed Emma or helped us feed her a bottle) and let him pick a gift. The Big Box of Gifts was especially helpful when M went back to work. If I could tell it was going to be a rough day, I would tell him that if he was good and helpful all day, he could pick a gift when Daddy got home. He never got to the point where he expected a gift, so it wasn't a problem to do this. We even have a few wrapped gifts left, so I can give him a surpise from the Big Box of Gifts when he has been especially good.

Overall, it has been an easy transition. And when he calls her "My Emma" or says, "I hold her, please" it makes the moments that aren't so easy worth it.

Nevermind

Ugh.

I hate insurance companies. I was looking through an insurance statement yesterday and it showed that I have only reached $500 of our deductible for the year. Since we have actually paid out over $2000 from our own pockets in the last month alone for Emma's delivery, I am not sure how this is even possible, so the insurance company is doing an audit.

But in the meantime, we would have to pay 100% of the Mirena costs, which we can't afford right now since we just paid out the afforementioned $2000. So, I had to cancel the appointment. I'll get back to you on my experience later on.

IUD Me

I am having my IUD put in today. I did a lot of research and just felt that this is the overall best way for us to prevent pregnancy for the next few years.

I am nervous, because while most people loved the convenience of never having to remember to take their pill and that they didn't have to pay for birth control every month, I also talked to a few people who had bad experiences. Either the insertion hurt a lot, or they felt the hormones were too strong, or they could feel the device in them and it was uncomfortable.

For us, it isn't just about convenience or cost. It's about the fact that I get pregnant while on the pill. I have gotten pregnant on both the regular and mini-pill. When we were on our suppression phase of our IVF cycle, an ultrasound determined that I was about to ovulate, even on BCPs. My RE told me that up to 5% of women still do. Wow! That day reminded me of when the Friends show where Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he read the 98% effective on the condom wrapper and freaked out.

We are so thankful for our miracles, but I have to say, we are done for now. Not done forever for sure (but probably). M is thinking of a vasectomy, but we're not 100% sure. Everyone has told us to give ourselves a couple of years before we make this decision. So, this seems like the safest bet for now.

So. . . I'll be back later to tell you how it went!

Off To Gramma's

In the lottery of MIL's, I feel as if I really hit the jackpot. Sure, my MIL has annoyed me from time to time. I think that's just part and parcel of the dynamics of the relationship.

For the most part, however, my MIL is easy to get along with, supportive of my relationship with her son and our family, and she is probably the most amazing grandmother, ever. Today is her birthday and she asked, over a month ago, if she could have Will on her special day. She takes him once a month for us, and would do it more often if we wanted. This last month, she came here once, too, so that we could get away for dinner and a movie.

In addition to taking him for several days a month, she also comes and gets him and takes him back to her house. As she lives an hour away, this is no small favor. We will then go get him on Saturday, but it makes it nicer to only have to do half of the driving, especially since Emma is still not a huge fan of the car.

The very best part about these trips to Gramma's House is that Will loves it. I think he enjoys being the only show in town again. And I would want to go someplace where I am loved as much as this kid is loved at his Gramma's. My husband's grandmother, Will's Nana, lives there, too, and the two of them dote on him to an almost ridiculous level. I say almost ridiculous, because I do believe that's what grandparents are for. I love the fact that they spoil him with love, attention, and all of his favorite foods (they still make him follow the rules and say his pleases and thank yous, so they are not completely spoiling him). I love the fact that he feels so safe and special with them.

He apparently loves it, too, because the minute Gramma arrived yesterday, he was putting on his shoes and packing his little Spiderman case with special toys to take with him. I put him in the car with his Pillow, blankie, and sunglasses. He kissed me goodbye and then called out to my MIL (who was still loading his suitcase into the car), "C'mon, Gramma, I'm ready to go!"

It is so funny to think that we were dealing with his intense separation anxiety just a year ago and now look at him! Such a big boy!

Decision Made

Well, the decision has been made. . . for now. In order for me to take the job, I would have had to have found a nanny or other care for our children by today. And the nanny we wanted and offered the job to has decided to return to school fulltime. While we were waiting for her to consider our offer, we also started doing the numbers. Nannies are expensive and there wasn't going to be as much left over as we thought after all was said and done, so me going back to work was starting to make less financial sense. I realized that if going back to work right now was the right thing to do, I wouldn't have felt so ambivalent about it. While I do not intend to stay home forever, I clearly wasn't quite ready to go back at this point.

For the moment, we have decided that Emma needs me at home for at least the first year, then I am going to look at going back to work. Having a plan in place has always made me feel much more settled and at ease. It lets me enjoy this time at home more.

Thank you for your input and advice. The struggle between working outside of the home or staying home with your kids is such a sensitive subject and I appreciate your gentle honesty and guidance.

Moments

Today was one of those days when it wouldn't be so bad to pass my darling children off to a well-qualified Nanny. Emma would not be put down today, not for one single second. She spent what seems like the entire day in either the Ergo or my arms. Well, or crying if not in either of those spots.

Will was also uncharacteristically whiny and needy as well. I am keeping everything crossed that they are not coming down with something. This type of behavior usually precedes a Big Ol' Sick.

I tried to be patient and think I succeeded for the most part, but by the end of the afternoon, I was stick-a-fork-in-me-DONE. I put the kids in the double stroller and got the heck outside with them and the dogs. It was a lovely fall late afternoon, with no clouds in the sky and the sun doing that thing with shadows that it does this time of year that just makes everything look a bit crisper. We walked to the new neighborhood behind us, where they have installed a really nice playground system with. . . wait for it. . . a baby swing. I just about peed my pants with excitement when we saw it. So did Will!

So what had been a craptastic afternoon was turning nice. Will was laughing, Emma wasn't crying, the dogs were still being annoying, but it felt good to breathe again. I wouldn't want to pass these moments onto someone else.

What's Meant To Be

Two years ago, M and I wrestled with the decision of whether or not I should give up my career to stay home with Will. It should have been an easy decision, based on the fact that being a SAHM is everything I ever said I wanted to be. Life is never that simple, though, and it was much harder to walk away than I thought it would be.

After months of angst, we went with our orginal plan. I gave up the financial security of working outside of the home to raise Will. It felt "emotionally" right, even if my logical, always-need-to-have-a-five-year-plan self was freaking her freak out.

For the most part, I did not regret it. But there were moments when I thought about the path not taken. A few months ago, I needed to take our dog to the vet, so in I went. I was six months pregnant, I had Will in the stroller, and Rocky on a leash. I was covered in fur (Rocky gets nervous at the vet) and cracker crumbs (Will gets hungry at the vet) and wearing jeans and a zip up hoodie. I hadn't had much time for a shower or makeup that day, so my hair was in a ponytail and I barely had lipgloss on. I was looking and feeling every inch the stereotypical SAHM.

In walked a sales rep for a veterinary pharmaceutical company. She was every inch the stereotypical sale professional. She wore a suit and amazing shoes and walked with a confident bounce. I looked at her and felt a strange twinge of envy. She chatted up the front desk staff being before ushered into the backroom, but I kept thinking about her after she had disappeared behind the doors.

Now I am being offered an opportunity to rejoin the professional world. The emotional part of me is still screaming that it's too soon and I don't want to leave my bay-bees. The logical part of me knows this might be my last chance to get back into the industry I left. While the timing isn't the greatest, would I ever really want to go back? And this is my chance to help bring my family the financial security that we otherwise might have to live without.

We talked to a girl at church that we know from the nursery. Will has always loved her and she seems to have a soft spot for him. She is currently trying to decide whether to take another nanny job or go back to school. She was clearly flattered that we asked her and needs a few days to think about it. Which is okay, because I feel as if I still need a few more days to think about it, too.

I feel as if I am in a major war between my heart and my head. My head is telling me that this is the logical thing to do, my heart is arguing valiantly. I feel as if when you are a parent, you ultimately need to do what is right for your children. I guess the problem is when I am no longer sure what that is.