I received an e-mail a few days back.
Since I started blogging, I have had a lot of really supportive e-mails. Usually, not a week goes by that someone doesn't take time out of their day to write me with their own story and comments. For the most part, I love to get these e-mails, although I will confess to crying over so many tales of the broken-hearted. I have made quite a few internet "friends" this way and am glad that I have a way to be contacted through my profile.
Every once in awhile, however, an e-mail is of a different nature. It's not a nice e-mail, it's a mean one. I usually try not to take too much stock in the not-so-nice e-mails. I figure that a person has to be in a place of great pain to strike out at another infertile. I read them, try to concoct a decent response, and if I can't manage that, then I just delete it and move on.
This particular e-mail bothered me and I have tried to let it go, but it keeps haunting me.
I recently came across your blog by reading another blog about a mom who had lost her baby at full term. I read your story and I feel sorry for what you have been through, I don't think that you are (or were) infertile. You were obviously able to get pregnant and now you have stayed pregnant. I don't think that you deserve to be in the same category of moms that lost full term babies. I also think that writing about due dates and your miscarried babies is an insult to moms that have given birth.
I also think that your blog title is insulting and you should change it. There are women out there experiencing real losses and who have really taken the so-called bullet. Once again, you seem to put your losses in the same category as them and it's just not fair.
I am not posting this to complain or argue any points in it. I obviously do value the lives of my lost little angels, although I don't think that it's the same as losing a full-term baby. My loss of Gummy Bear at 11 weeks was harder than my earlier losses and I think that I would go insane if something happened to Little Man now. I have nothing but the utmost respect for mothers who have lost babies, no matter the gestation, and I hope that I have never conveyed anything but that on this blog.
The author did have one good point, however. Despite my disbelief and constant terror, this pregnancy seems to be heading toward something that I at one point thought could never be mine: A Real Live Baby. Which does mean that I have come out on the other side of the statistics. Which means that perhaps it is time to pass the title onto someone else.
But then what would I name my blog?