More Good News

They were able to successfully able to get Rebecca off the vent in the late morning and have stopped all of the medications. Although it is difficult for her to speak and she is still somewhat confused about what has happened to her, a full neurology workup has promised that, in that regard, she will recover fully.

Her cardiologist is still concerned with an arrhythmia and a possible murmur, but it isn't known whether she had the issues before, or if they are a new deveopment. His thought is that it's probably new since the trauma this past week, and time will tell whether once all of the medications are completely out of her system (some of the medications they had to use have the potential side effect of disturbing normal heart rhythms) and her body has had more time to recover, it will correct itself or if she will need surgery in the future. It isn't a serious enough issue to warrant immediate action and also, her body is still too weak for a lot of intervention, so they are going to wait and see how it develops.

Her kidney function is still rebounding, but doing better. She isn't requiring any supplemental oxygen at this point, which her doctors say is nothing short of a miracle.

She is apparently very frustrated that they are telling her that she will be in the hospital for another week. That's my girl! She is also asking for makeup! Also, classic Rebecca!

I hope to be able to visit her this weekend at some point, but I also don't want to overwhelm her. I know she will be inundated with people at the beginning. I am here or the long haul, so I can see her next week as she continues to get stronger.

Thank you again for the continued prayers. It seems to be working!

For Rebecca

First of all, I just want to say thank you to It Is What It Is and Mel for sending so many readers my way. It reminded me of the special beauty of the ALI community. You are all amazing and wonderful people. Thank you.

Second of all, my friend, Rebecca (Yes, that is her real name. If you are praying for her, then you get to know her real name.) is doing "well". It's funny, I was with my coworker yesterday when her husband called me with an update. I got off the phone and I was so excited, I said, "Rebecca is doing really well! She is still on the ventilator and in a medically induced coma, but..."

And we both started laughing, because, really, when ELSE would those things be consdered "really well"? And the answer is when the sentence ends with ... "It looks like she is going to make it!"

They were able to do a second surgery yesterday morning where they were able to confirm that the larger clots are now at a size that can be removed safely. So they did! And they were able to get 99% of the other, smaller clots as well. They were able to remove the catheters that were putting the clot-busting medications into her lungs and then put in a filter, which will stop other clots from making their way into her lungs.

The reason for the ventilator is because of the extreme trauma her lungs have gone through. And when you are on a ventilator, they keep you sedated because it is scary to be on a ventilator and most people will try to pull the tubing out. So they are going to give her body another day to rest, but they have already started decreasing the medications they are giving her that are keeping her under, and they will attempt to extubate her at some point today.

A lot of people panic when they first come out of a coma like this and fight the removal of the vent and/or hyperventilate when it is actually removed. So they then have to re-sedate them and try again another day. But that wouldn't be unusual or a sign of bad things. It is just the way our bodies work. She will likely be off the ventilator by Saturday or Sunday. Then they will give her another day or so in the ICU to make sure she is truly stable off of it. Her kidney function is also having a bit of trouble rebounding, so they are watching that, but given what her body has been through in the past 48 hours, it really isn't troubling at this point.

Then it will be down to the regular hospital floor for a few days. From there. . . she might have to transfer to a rehabilitation center, just depending on how her heart and lungs are doing. They took a real beating these past couple of days. Her cardiologist is concerned about some things, but considering where she was two days ago? Well, we will just having to face the issues as they come.

But we are talking about a FUTURE here. It is uncertain, her recovery will be long, and there will be moments of fear, I'm sure. But she is going to have a FUTURE. This isn't the end.

So thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers to this point. I am truly blessed by this community, time and time again. Please keep those thoughts and prayers coming for my friend and her husband as they face the long road ahead. But there IS a road ahead and I am just so very grateful for that. And for Rebecca.

This Can't Be It

I have posted about my good friend before. She is the friend who was a ROCK for me during my infertility years, the friend that was there for me through every single miscarriage, failed cycle, and finally, successful cycle. She is the friend who called me, who sent cards, who forced me to eat after we lost Gummy Bear. She cried with me, prayed with me, and then. . . she laughed and celebrated with me. She was the first of my friends to hold newborn Will. She is the friend who gave me our beautiful high chair as a gift.

She has been trying to have a baby for nearly two years, experiencing two heartbreaking miscarriages, and being diagnosed with "unexplained" infertility. She was just about to start her suppression cycle in February when she hurt her knee skiing. She stayed off of it for a few days, tried ice, tried NSAIDs, tried ignoring it, but realized it was a serious injury and, as she is a runner, she knew she needed to have it looked at.

She didn't just "hurt" her knee, she tore her ACL. Her doctor recommended getting the surgery to repair it prior to becoming pregnant, as pregnancy and a torn ACL aren't a great combination.

The last thing she wanted to do was a surgery that would delay her IVF cycle, but through the miracle of great timing, her surgeon had an opening in his schedule and she was able to have the surgery done AND would still be able to proceed with her IVF cycle as planned.

She had the surgery two weeks ago. She started Lupron a week ago.

I talked to her this morning. She seemed fine. She was upbeat, excited to really be feeling better, excited to be moving through the Lupron without too many ill effects, looking forward to getting this IVF cycle really underway and finally becoming a Mommy!

An hour after we got off the phone, my phone rang again. As we often talk more than once a day, I thought nothing of it. I answered it and my world came to a screeching halt.

It was not her on the other end of the line.

It was her husband.

Calling from the ICU.

She had suffered a pulmonary embolism and had coded already at the hospital. Her vitals and prognosis were very poor.

They don't have family in the immediate area and he was all alone. I was forty five minutes away, but I turned my car around and drove as carefully and quickly as possible.

When I arrived, she was coding again.

We sat. We cried. We prayed.

She managed to make it through a procedure that was able to remove 20% of one of the blood clots. But there are so many that remain.

She is in a medically induced coma, on life support. They have done what can be done. Now, we wait. We wait and pray that she doesn't throw another clot, because her body can't take another surgery at this point. We wait and pray that she lives.

I know life isn't fair.

I know that.

But this cannot be it. This cannot be the ending that my friend gets. It just can't.

I know not all of my readers pray. But if you do, please. Please pray.

And if you don't, then please do whatever you do in times like this.

What Is Coming

My last post was about things that come out of my kids' mouths.

This post is about what has been coming out of mine lately...

MY OWN MOTHER!!!

I also seem to have developed the habit of sounding like an eighty year old woman.

I say things like, "Eat your green beans or there will be no dessert."

-or-

"Be nice to your sister, she is the only one you are ever going to have."

-or, the ever classic response to a whiny three and a half year's old declaration that "I'm hungry..."

"Nice to meet you, Hungry, I'm Mommy!" (Ugh, I hated, hated, hated it when my parents busted that out.)

And, finally, last but not least. . . I must say at least once a day. . .

"Time goes by so much faster these days."

That last one might be trite and oversaid, but it is so true. Time just keeps slipping by these days, the days hurtling past at light speed. Emma is a BIG girl, Will is a BIG boy, and I just shake my head in wonder at how fast this has all happened.

Words They Say

"Willisms"

"Awful Tower" - Eiffel Tower (and I am impressed this even enters the vocabularly of a 3 1/2 year old)

"Eye Grows" (which rhymes with brows, just said with a G sound) - Eye Brows

"Will wants/likes/is/needs/has to" - Will is said in place of I. He is apparently of royal descent.

"Froggy" - Foggy - I love it when we head out in the morning and he tells me that it's "froggy outside, Mommy!"

"The Donald's" - McDonald's

"Albert's Store" - Albertson's (grocery store chain)

"Emmanese"

"Tinky" - Binky

"Whew Ellie" - Where is Ellie (her lovely)? And the answer better be that she is nearby, or it is TROUBLE.

"Fifford" - Clifford (the Big Red Dog)

"Peaz" - Please

"Whad u doin, Mommy?" - What are you doing, Mommy? She actually walked up to me as I was mopping the kitchen floor the other day and asked me this. I couldn't believe it.

"Luh Lu" - Love you - my favorite things she says!

"Corky" - Courtney - my friend who does childcare for us

Wow.

This blog used to be a place that I visited daily. When I was TTC, pregnant, and a new mom (and then again a TTC, pregnant, and a new mom to two), I was here often.

For those of you who don't read my private blog, I just wanted to say, I am sorry. I have turned into one of "those" bloggers. You know, who gets their happy ending and disappears.

For those of you who do read my private blog, you know that my happy ending has a decided twist. I am unbelievably blessed with my two miracle babies, but there have been some unexpected twists and turns along the way.

Then again, who doesn't have unexpected events in their life?

Who doesn't plan for things to be one way and then have to deal when they decidely go another?

I am not "special" in my discovery that sometimes, life just ain't fair, what we planned for, or what we dreamed of. And I am well aware of that fact.

Anyway, I am back. It's been awhile, and there is so much to update you on.

Will.. . he is 3 1/2. Not sure how that even happened. THREE AND A HALF. It's insane. He can carry on full conversations which include FULL ARGUING. He is delightful and sweet in one moment and whiny and obstinate in the next. My heart explodes with love for him and I am down-on-my-knees-grateful for the opportunity to be his mother.

Emma . . . 18 months old. Seriously? Really? YES. She talks up a storm. In full sentences. She sings, she laughs, she plays, she captures my heart daily. Her hair is curly and the ringlets that are starting form break my heart with their cuteness. She also has this adorable gap between her two front teeth that she will hate someday when she looks at pictures. But right now? It is precious beyond measure. I can't believe I got this lucky and get to parent this amazing little girl.

My job. . . well. I work full time. I miss my kiddos full time. But there is an element of freedom in working outside of the home that I never expected to enjoy, but I do in some way. I am not ashamed of this. It keeps me going. But it was an unexpected gift.

Do I feel guilty? OF COURSE. I believe parenthood, in general, is a lot about feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing the right thing.

I try to rely on my dad's advice. I do my best, each and every day. I love the HECK out of these precious beings and make important decisions with their well-being top of mind. When I am not working, I dedicate myself to spending that time with them.

The guilties emerge, as they probably always will, but I am doing my best. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.

I want to - NO, NEED TO - be the best for these babies. They deserve my all. After everything we endured to have them, I know how precious they are. I know how many moms are still waiting for their miracles.

Each day, I thank GOD for their existance. I thank GOD for the opportunity to love, hug, snuggle, kiss, and dote on these little beings. And sometimes, YES, I even thank GOD for my struggles with infertility. It reminds me, daily, how precious all of this is, how miraculous all of this is.

Will and Emma are my miracles.

Thank you, GOD.

Happy Holidays

I just wanted to put a note on this blog, wishing all of my blog friends and their families a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I plan to post more in the New Year, but in the meantime, just know we are well and hope that you are, too!