Smackdown, Boob, and Crazy Update

First off, thank you for all of the advice lately. Here are some updates.

HITTING: We have started taking away a favorite toy when he hits. This seems to be having some effect, but we also haven't been in a playgroup situation since we implemented that. However, he hasn't hit me in two days, which is a BIG improvement. And what is most impressive is that he has started to hit on several occasions, where he has pulled his hand back and up, but you can see him stopping himself. I know that we'll have regression here, but I am happy to say that things seem a bit better right now.

NURSING: WOW. Thank you for the detailed and supportive comments. Breastfeeding is one of those issues that I am always afraid to blog about as it can spark a lot of different opinions. I am working on pumping to increase supply, and I had taken fenugreek before but hadn't this time so I started that again. I also realized that I always locked myself up in the bathroom or other such not-fun-locations while pumping, and that makes it even worse. Yesterday, I pumped while I watched t.v. I still didn't get a ton of milk, but I got more than usual. So, thank you everyone.

CRAZY DROP MY KIDS OFF WITH A STRANGER LADY: Yeah, I called her back and told her No, Thanks. She had already found someone else in in the meantime, so she was fine with it*. She asked if she could call me in the future if she needed help, and I told her that I would feel far more comfortable if we had a playdate first. She didn't seem to like that idea and I doubt we'll be hearing from her again. That's fine by me. I am just glad to know that I am not the only one that thought this was insane.

*What she actually said was, "Oh." Then she paused for an incredibly awkward amount of time and said that she "didn't think that was necessary." I think she misunderstood and thought I wanted to be friends or something. I probably should have used a different word like "interview" or "practice day," but I think this is for the best anyway.

What the WHAT

I just got a phone call that has left me speechless. Obviously, I am not type-less, because here I am blogging about it. Again, let's play a game of "What Would My Blog Readers Do?"

First, we have to back up to about a month ago when I was visiting my parents and my mom and I went to a church rummage sale. She had Will with her and I had Emma in the Ergo. While I was looking over some lovely antique jewelry, one of the nice ladies manning the sale complimented me on Emma and we started talking. She asked if I worked and I said that I stayed home with the kids. She sighed and said that she wished that her daughter could do the same, but that she had to work. She then mentioned that her daughter was having trouble finding a nanny, as she doesn't need someone fulltime and her previous Nanny had given her notice. M and I had been discussing ways that I could bring in a bit of extra income, so I gave my phone number to her mom and told her to call me if she was interested in possibly discussing childcare.

Then today, my phone rings. It's not a number that I recognize and I was cleaning the kitchen, so I let it go to voicemail. It's the daughter calling me to see if I can watch her kids for ten hours TOMORROW. She apologizes for the short notice, but wants to drop them off at 7 AM and pick them up at 5 PM, and will be driving to a town an hour away, and wants to know how much I would charge.

What the WHAT.

Here are my problems with this:

1) She has had my number for a full month and never called me to arrange a playdate or screening interview or anything. I am the one who suggested occasionally watching her kids, but I figured we'd meet first or something.

2) She doesn't want to run a background check, meet me beforehand, or even talk to me on the phone before leaving her 18-month-old and 3 year old with me for the entire day.

3) She isn't just running down the street or even a few minutes away. She is going to be an hour away. And her mom told me that she is a district manager for a pharmaceutical company. I did that job, and as her message said she was going to be riding with a rep for the day, I know that means that she won't even have her own car to leave and come get her kids if necessary.

4) I am a complete stranger to this woman. I am not a friend of a friend or someone she has heard good things about from someone who knows me well. I met her mother for five minutes and that is our only connection.

I know that I don't work outside of the home, and therefore, I don't know firsthand the desperation of needing last-minute childcare. I get that. But I can't, even in my wildest of wild dreams, imagine the place I would be in where I would leave my children in a potentially dangerous situation like this. There have been times when I have needed childcare, for a doctor's appointment or a job interview, and I would still never even think of this being a good idea. Am I off-base? Is this normal?

Now, here is my dilemma: Even though I think this mom is crazy to even consider me as an option, I would be a safe place for her kids. If I don't do it, who knows where her kids will end up. So, should I watch her children?

Nursing Riddles

Emma is just not into the breastfeeding lately. It started with the yeast problems and got worse after the mastitis.

The girl likes her bottles. She chugged 10 ounces today while my girlfriend watched her. Ten ounces, people.

My problem? I hate pumping. I never get more than a few ounces from each breast when I pump and Emma laughs at anything less than 8 ounces lately. I have a nice pump, too, the Medela Pump In Style, so it's not that, but to get 10 ounces, I would have to pump at least twice or supplement with formula. Again, I have nothing against formula, but we are on a single income and breastfeeding is cheap while formula is not. It also isn't realistic for me to pump twice to get one bottle and keep nursing her.

One of my girlfriends said that in order to get Emma back on Da Boob, I should withhold all bottles and not do any supplementing. This is a great theory, but what about when she has been nursing for an hour straight and is still screaming with hunger? Or what about when she bobs off and on the boob for thirty minutes and is still screaming with hunger? There are days when she seems fine, but other days when I have to give her a little supplemental bottle in the afternoon. And we usually give her a "topper" bottle after our last nursing session of the day.

Does anyone have any pumping ideas? Or ways to get my little one back on track with nursing?

It Sounds Like A Hit

Will has been doing a lot of hitting lately. He hits the dog, his friends, and me. I'd say his friends get most of the hitting, but he will also hit me if I do something that he dislikes (like turn off "Caillou").

We've done stern "NO HITTING" talking-to's, timeouts ad nauseum, and leaving the playdate. Just when I feel as if we are making some progress, he has a total regression and has a hitapalooza at the next playdate. I am at my wit's end with this hitting because I don't want him to be "that kid," you know the one that you don't want to have over because he whales on your kid. And even worse, then I become the "parent of that kid," you know the one that you think should do something about the hitting. In the spirit of complete honesty, playdates are as much for me as they are for him, it's my socialization, too!

While I recognize that this (like pretty much all issues-remember the Great Bite of 2009?) too shall pass, I am looking for advice on how to make it pass sooner. Or at least how to consistently address it while it is happening.

Mornings

It is what it is asked for details on my routines. To keep it from getting too long, I'll break it down into three parts, starting with our mornings.

Pure and simple, I have lucked on my mornings (but don't hate me, we'll get to my afternoon and evenings in future posts). My kids sleep in, which gives me the dual benefit of some Mommy-time and time to get some things done before the day begins.

Here is how our morning goes (of course, no day is exactly the same, but it's starting to settle into a "routine" of sorts and has been this way for about the last month).

BOTH kids sleep in until at least 8 AM. I use the 7:00 - 8:00 AM time to get myself showered and dressed. This is key. If my kids didn't sleep in, I would shower the night before to get this done before they were up for the day (this is what I did when Emma was a newborn and getting up early). Basically, if I am not dressed and presentable by the time they get up, it isn't gonna happen. I also take this time to start a load of laundry and empty the dishwasher.

Will usually gets up first between 7:45 - 8:30 AM. I change his diaper (but keep his jammies on because he'll get whatever he's wearing dirty at breakfast) and bring him downstairs. I get him situated with something to eat and if Emma is still sleeping at that point, I will eat something with him.

Emma usually wakes up from about 8:30 - 9:00 AM. I go, get her, and bring her back downstairs to change and nurse her while Will finishes breakfast. If Will has already finished eating, then I either offer to read to him or let him into his playroom to play while I am busy with his sister. He is pretty good at self-entertaining and Emma is down to taking less than 20 minutes to nurse. When she was younger and nursing longer and more often, I would also use the t.v. to help distract him.

If we are going someplace that day (and we usually are), I then get both kids dressed and we are out the door anywhere from 9:30 - 10:00 AM. I enjoy getting them out of the house, but this will probably change as Emma gets a bit older and has a more predictable nap schedule. For now, she is still napping somewhat randomly and seems to get as much sleep in the Ergo as she does in the crib. To make getting out of the house a little easier, I keep the diaper bag stocked and by the carseat (I replenish the diaper bag each night with wipes, an extra change of clothes, diapers, and snacks). I keep a comb, our shoes, and my keys downstairs. My wallet is always in the diaper bag (I am currently not using a separate purse). That way, I can do a last quick comb of Will's hair, and put all of our shoes on right before we leave the house.

When we are out, I stick to very kid-friendly places like the zoo or childrens' museum. Emma goes in the Ergo for either (if you don't have a sling or carrier that you like, make that your number one priority before #2 arrives). Double strollers are nice, but they are limited. You can't chase #1 as easily if you are pushing a stroller - especially a double, as even the most streamlined, narrow version is still a friggin' bus.

The key at this young age is always getting the younger child out of the car first. Then you can deal with the older child. The younger child is still in those nifty carseats that lift in and out of the car and aren't able to run anywhere. So you can get them in the Ergo, stroller, shopping car, whatever, and then get your older child out. Also, I started training Will before Emma was born to stand still and not move a muscle. I have him place one hand on the side of the car and tell him he can only let go to take Mommy's hand. It took weeks (probably even a couple of months) to really drill this home and it was probably an age thing even more than a consistency thing that really made it stick. At around 2, he just started listening better and not dashing off as much (well, for now, anyway).

If we are someplace public and Emma needs to nurse or a diaper change, I find someplace "safe" for Will. So if we are at the zoo, I take him to a self-enclosed play area, some place where he can't just dash off. Same thing for the museum. If I can't find find such a self-enclosed area, that is when he gets put in the stroller or grocery cart - something he can be strapped into. I will give him a snack and/or favorite toy or two to entertain him while I am busy.

The other key is to minimize stops. Getting in and out of the car and remembering everything you need is a circus, so I try to make no more than one stop. I try to pick places where I will only have to get in and out of the car once. The library, for instance, is across the street from a grocery store, so if I need to grocery shop, we'll go to the library first (they also hav a little play structure there, too, big bonus!) and then walk to the store and then back to the car. That way, it's only one in and out. Drive thru anything is my friend, whether it's bank, pharmacy, coffee, or whatever. I seriously wish they would invent drive-thru convenience stores where you can pick up a gallon of milk or loaf of bread without getting out of the store. I know many moms that would pay a pretty hefty upcharge for that convenience. Start looking now for those all-purpose areas, shopping centers with fun things for the kids and places were you can also run an errand. For me, that area is this downtown shopping area where the grocery store, library, a book store (story time), and kid-friendly coffee shop are all in one walking-distance area.

After our morning outing, it's time to head home to nurse Emma and for lunch and Will's nap. But we'll save the rest of the afternoon for another post.

It Will All Be Okay

Elise's comment touched my heart.

I could have written her comment almost a year ago. This is what I wrote when I was about seven weeks pregnant. If you don't want to click back, let me summarize for you. I was overwhelmed and didn't see any way out of the dark tunnel of early pregnancy.

First things first, Elise (and anyone else reading this), it will all be okay. I promise. There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that the first trimester of pregnancy sucks HARD when you have a toddler. It will get better. . . until the end of the third trimester, which sucks equally hard when you have a toddler.

The good news is that (at least for me), having a newborn and a toddler seemed easy compared to pregnancy and a toddler. That's right, I said it, easy. After the initial recovery from childbirth, you will feel amazing. You will feel (and be) pounds lighter and that in and of itself will make things easier. When you are pregnancy, you are physically compromised. When you are no longer pregnant, you feel so much better and able to handle things.

Yes, you will be getting up several times a night to feed a newborn, but you'll be able to sleep in the intervals. At the end of both of my pregnancies, I slept like crap. The sleep I got between feedings was deep and restful. And sleep deprivation is not fun, but it's not the same the second time around. Even if your toddler has been sleeping well for awhile, you are still used to functioning on far less sleep, so you will feel more rested than you ever felt possible on very little sleep.

Your son will also be able to "help" you with things. He will be able to get a diaper, hand you the remote control, or even let the dogs out (or something similar if you don't have pets). He will be even older than my Will was, so I will imagine even more helpful.

So, my tips for surviving the pregnancy:

1) Let go of the guilt. You are a fantastic mom. Your child will not remember the daily details of their life at this point in time. Dishes aren't done? Eh, they don't care. House isn't vacuumed? A little too much t.v. in a day? Again, a toddler doesn't even notice. What your son will remember is the pervasive feeling of love that I just know you give him. I know, it's so hard to let go of the guilt. I spent much of my pregnancy feeling as if I was somehow letting Will down. But I can tell you, Will is fine. And he adores his baby sister.

2) Get help. I know you said that family doesn't live in town. That sucks. I am in the same situation. I do, however, have some very good friends that were willing to take Will for an hour here or there when I was really too sick to handle it. Can your husband take him places on the weekend - just for an hour or two - so you can nap or sit on the couch?

3) Get more help. Do you have a house cleaning service? Can you take your professional clothes to the dry cleaner? Can you buy some premade meals through a Dinner's Ready-type service or even frozen stuff from Costco? Anything you can take off your plate for now and again during the third trimester is golden. I felt guilty about spending the money, especially on house cleaning, but you want to know something? It was worth every. single. penny. And then some!

4) Television is not evil. We chose not to introduce t.v. to Will until his second birthday. That being said, we don't believe that t.v. is evil and I don't think the occasional bout of television-watching will be detrimental to your son. If you end up relying on the boob tube a little more than you feel comfortable with on a day here and there, then try to keep your overall average down (for example, when I was super sick last week, Will watched a lot of t.v. so I kept the t.v. off for the next few days to even ths score). So for you, a little t.v. on the weekend when you need the backup is just fine, but maybe no t.v. during the week?

5) Just remember that this too shall pass. I know, it seems like forever until the second trimester arrives and brings better health with it. But it will come and this will fade into your memories. I don't mean to belittle what you are going through right now, because I can remember how difficult this time was for me, too. I am just trying to give you a glimmer of hope.

How about anyone else out there? And coping strategies for Elise?

I'll be posting more on the schedule/logistics of two later on.

Ask Away

Emma has been in our lives for three and a half months. It's strange how that time seems to have gone by so very quickly, and yet she is so fully entrenched in our family, that I can barely remember life without her.

A few posts back, It Is What It Is asked me if life with two is harder, easier, or about what I expected. Like all answers with me, it's not quite that simple. Overall, I guess I'd have to say it's been easier than I expected. But there are days that it is harder than I expected and days that it is about what I expected.

Going into having two children, I was scared about so many things. Here are a few things that I was concerned about and how I feel they "work."

1) The logistics of two in going places.

I am not gonna lie, there is a learning curve with moving the stuff of two small children around. I feel as if I have to make so many trips to and from the car when I go someplace. Even then, things get forgotten. But somehow, we get out of the house, and it has gotten easier. I remember the first time we went to the grocery store as a family and I cried in the car on the way home because I couldn't imagine going to the store (or anywhere else for that matter!) without M. Now, I go places all of the time and don't think twice about it. You just find ways to make it work. My biggest advice is to keep some sort of container in the car with extra essentials such as diapers, wipes, non-perishable snacks, and a change of clothes for each kid. That way, if something gets left behind, it's not a necessity. Just remember to replenish your box once a week or so.

2) That I wouldn't love Emma the same way that I love Will.

Well, here's a shocker, folks. I don't love Emma the same way that I love Will. I love Emma with all of my heart, but she and I are still in the very new stage of our relationship. Meanwhile, her brother and I have been together for two years. I don't just love him because he is "mine," I love him for all of the idiosyncrasies that make him Will. I am starting to love the special and wonderful things about Emma as I get to know her. She has her very own personality that blossoms more and more each day. I feel the love that I have for her blossoming with it. I always loved her, from the second that they placed her in my arms my heart seemed to triple in size, but the love grows and grows.

3) Sleep.

I am so fortunate that Emma is an incredible sleeper at night. Seriously, I lucked out in the night sleep department. Once she is down for the night, we don't hear from her for 11 - 12 hours. The problem is that she is a night owl. I cannot get her to go to bed before 9 PM. There will be the occasional night where we get "lucky" and she goes down at 8:3o PM, but it's rare. Granted, she will then sleep in until 8 or 9 AM, so I know many people would gladly trade me a later night for a later morning. In any case, I am not going to knock my situation. She is sleepin a long period of time at night all by herself, so I am not going to try and force an earlier bedtime. If it ain't broke, no fixing it.

She is not such a great napper. She takes one nap a day in her crib for about 45 minutes. But that's it. And she has to "fuss it out" for about five minutes to take that one nap. Of course, it's also in the morning, which is when Will is not napping. The nice part about that is that I get to spend some time with just him in the morning and then just Emma in the afternoon while Will is napping. Also, there is no organization to her daytime sleep yet. I think it's probably because she is sleeping in so late. Will was always up by 7 AM and had developed a 9 AM nap by this point, so I am wondering if I need to start waking her up at 7 to establish that nap. Ah, sleep.

Okay, so what other questions do you have for me? Ask away!