Thursday, October 15, 2009

Always Remembering

I have a few IRL friends who know that I blog. They understand that back in the infertility day, I needed an outlet, a resource, a place to put everything, and to try and make sense of it all.

What they have trouble understanding, what I sometimes wrestle with myself, is why do I still blog? Will is 14 months old. He is everything that I dreamed a child, my son, could be. I would love the opportunity to have another child, but if it doesn't happen, I am content and so blessed with him. We might try a FET, we might look into adoption, but we might just decide that one amazing little boy is more than enough. I never want him to feel as if we were lacking somehow because he is an only child. Whereas being a childless couple was not an option for us, and we were ready to do whatever it took to have a baby, whether it was a biological or adopted one, we could be perfectly content being a one-child family. In fact, there are some advantages to being a one child family.

But that is why I blog. Right there.

Because in my heart of hearts, I do not just have one little one. I have seven angels in heaven. Seven little souls, seven little beings that came and went so quickly, but still symbolized so much hope, so many dreams, and an immense amount of love. I can't say that I only have one child, because my heart is so filled with the memories of the others that I have loved as only a mother could.

On this day and every time I blog here, I remember them. I honor each of them and what they meant and continue to mean to their father and me. I am able to keep reaching out to others and lend support. I want to continue to offer a beacon of hope and promise to those still in the trenches. I want to share the love and laughter and blessings that can come after so much loss, so much devastation, so much hurt and pain.

To my angels, to my babies, to my children, this day means so much. This blog means so much to me because it is my way to continue to reach out to others, to remember and honor all that I carry in my heart.

Remembering today and always . . .

Angel Baby #1 "Piglet"
January 31, 2006
Lost at 6 weeks
Angel Baby #2
March 30, 2006
Lost at 4 weeks
Angel Baby #3 "Poco"
July 31, 2006
Lost at 7 weeks
Angel Baby #4
August 25, 2006
Lost at 5 weeks
Angel Baby #5 "Gummy Bear"
December 12, 2006
Lost at 11 weeks
Angel Baby #6
September 13, 2007
Lost at 4 weeks
Angel Baby #7
May 18, 2009
Lost at 4 weeks


HereWeGoAJen said...

I always remember with you.

Adriane said...

I am behind on reading my posts and just read this one. I am so sorry for all of your losses.