Monday, December 21, 2009

The Cat Is Out of the Bag

There were so many reasons not to tell my husband's family about "Project As If" this weekend. Lots of good, solid reasons that we had discussed ad nauseum over the course of the past few weeks. Those reasons were reinforced by last week's spotting.

Somehow, in the hour drive between our house and my mother-in-law's, we decided to go against all logic and reason and to tell the family. This had a lot to do with me being really sick and not wanting to have to hide it. It's so much effort to sit at a table with food all around me and my MIL is a "feeder," so it would have been an extra chore. Will was also feeling under the weather, so the combination was a killer on Saturday morning. Plus, it all boiled down to one essential element: M wanted to tell his family. I don't blame him. We had never gotten to tell his family before. With all of our other pregnancies, they didn't ever know about them. We only told them about Gummy Bear after the pregnancy was over. With Will, they knew we were doing IVF, so although they were thrilled, it was hardly a surprise. So, this was his chance to have his "Hallmark" moment with his family.

We dressed Will in a Big Brother t-shirt. We let him walk around, waiting for their reactions. M's aunt noticed right away and her eyes widened in surprise and went to my waistline. I nodded confirmation, then put my finger to my lips, urging her to let my MIL and M's grandma find out on their own. My MIL was a few minutes behind in noticing the shirt and what it said, and even when she did read it, she still wasn't sure. She looked at me in confusion. I nodded and told her that on or about July 26, Will is going to be a big brother. She whooped and gave me a big hug. M's grandma still didn't get it. M's aunt and mother were hugging me and him, crying and laughing, and finally, M said, "Read Will's shirt, Grandma." She still didn't get it, until M told her, "Katie is pregnant."

Well, she got it then and was pretty excited! They all were. It was a pretty neat moment. I feel like we deserve another "As If" moment.

That being said. . .

I am nervous. Nervous that we told them. Nervous that we dared to do something like this. Who are we to think that we could actually have this baby in July? I have this weird feeling about it, as if we are inviting them into our happiness, but also perhaps inviting them in to share our pain. We only told them about our losses after they had happened. Although his family was sad, I think it's hard to get as upset about something you know is never going to be. To never have the hope and excitement is tough, but it also means less pain. We have saved them that in the past. This time, I hope we have not done damage.


HereWeGoAJen said...

I got tears in my eyes reading this. Yeah!

Hopefully you won't have to un-tell, but even if you do, they can handle it, like you've had to do in the past.

Amanda said...

I think it's wonderful that you guys got to have your moment! I'm praying that this moment will continue until July 26 (or so) and then turn into the perfect moment it's supposed to be then!

I understand the fear, though. (((hugs)))

Red said...

I know exactly how you feel. We waited last time to tell the family until I was nearly 9 weeks which meant we had 'beaten' the previous pregnancy duration and had seen a heartbeat, yet we still lost the baby.

Next time I think we'll just tell people. Until I get a baby in my arms I know there is no guarantee despite the reduced risks after 12 weeks.

I'm glad you got to have your 'as if' moment.

Debby said...

Yea! I'm glad u shared. My due date was moved to july 21 so we are now super close to each other. How fun!! I'm still so nervous too, but i find it easier to share than hide it.

Love the way you shared the news too!

Laura said...

I am so happy that you got this moment. And I continue to pray that you don't have to un-tell.

K @ ourboxofrain said...

I'm so glad that the two of you (especially M) got to have the traditional Hallmark-esque telling-the-family experience! I'm sorry you have to temper it with that underlying sense of anxiety :(

I hope come July, you are all able to celebrate with joy together.

Joy@WDDCH said...

Awwww, so happy he got his moment and how cute to put Will in a big bro t-shirt!!!

Honestly, even after my miscarriages, we always told people right away but only select people like my sister and Daniel's parents. We appreciated their prayer support during those scary first weeks of uncertainty and if I miscarried then I'd have their support then as well.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful way to tell M's family! I know how scary this time is and I am praying for you and your little sticky bean. ((many hugs))

Danifred said...

Telling is one thing, un-telling is another. Here's to a very successful pregnancy and a joyous July!