Inching Along

Will is growing by leaps and bounds lately. He is at the threshold of TWENTY pounds (at 8 months old, folks!) and is 23.5" long. I am just glad that he is a healthy sized little fella who likes his eats.

He is babbling like a fool and says Dadda like a champ! He also has said 'Nana a couple of times, which I believe is for his favorite fruit, but his great-grandmother wishes to be called Nana, so it works out okay. He has also said Puh around the dogs a few times and we call our two dogs puppies, so that would make sense. Notice that the word Mama is missing from his repertoire? Yeah, me too. Oh, well, someday, right?

Mobility continues to elude the Little Man... for now. He sits up, can roll over, and I often find him on his tummy in the mornings. Until this past week, however, he had absolutely no. interest. whatsoever. in learning how to crawl. He didn't really have a problem with tummy time, but he made no effort to get up and move about. He could pivot on his axis and I'd find him facing a different direction than how I set him down, but not so much as a skooch.

However, he is now able to get up on all fours, albeit he usually face plants soon afterward. If he has some leverage against his legs, he can propel himself forward, and he does a great job scooting backward. The last couple of days, he has started doing what I lovingly refer to as the "inchworm," which involves him doing a kind of break-dance-like movement across the floor. I believe it is only a matter of time before he gets this crawling thing figured out and my life changes all over again!

We have finally gotten some nice days here lately, which has been great for getting Will out. I am so lucky to have a neighborhood filled with SAHMs and their little ones, so we get together often. Here are some pictures from our latest pool party. . . how cute is this kiddo?




Also, for anyone following Will's blog, I updated with a bunch of pictures, stories, and a slide show! If you want to know how to find Will's blog, just leave me a comment with your e-mail address. If you are a "regular," I'm happy to pass the link along.

Weaning: Not Just For Babies

Will is eight months old. And I think he is losing interest in breastfeeding.

I have such mixed emotions about this. Part of me is kind of ready to get on with the show. After all of the infertility crap, then pregnancy, and now nursing, I am ready to have my body back.

I also know with the greatest certainty that I will miss our tender moments together. Some of the sweetest times of my motherhood journey so far have been when Will has been at my breast. When he was sick these past few weeks, it was so nice to just go to bed with him and let him nurse. It gave me the much needed time to rest and him the opportunity to get exactly what he needed/wanted to feel better. I am not sure what we will do without that particular weapon in our arsenal.

However, I have noticed that a lot of the times now, he will nurse for just a few minutes on each side and then he is done. I know they get efficient at getting the milk out, but he doesn't seem to be stopping because he is full, but rather because the dog barks or his Daddy comes into the room. Sometimes, when I lay him down on my lap, he starts to laugh, as if he is excited for his meal, but then I put the breast in his mouth and he just keeps laughing. He will not latch or feed. This doesn't happen every time, but between this and the short feeds, I just feel as if weaning is definitely in progress. I am not going to say we are "done" breastfeeding, but the doesn't seem far away.

It's funny, because at first, when I thought about weaning him, it seemed so very far away. I thought about how much he loved The Boob and didn't think he would ever get to the point where he decided he was done. I figured it would be me that ended this phase of our life. Now, it looks as if I am the one who will be left behind. Just the beginning, I suppose. This is just one of the first of many, many steps toward independence. . . for him and for me.

Here I Am

Where to begin?

Probably an apology would be best: I am sorry for stepping away for a bit and worrying quite a few of my bloggy friends. Thanks for the comments, e-mails, Face.book check ins, and even phone calls wondering if we are okay. It means a lot to me to know that you care. So a sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart is also in order.

Bottom line is that yes, we are okay.

But there have been a few things going on and, honestly, we are not doing great.

First and foremost: Will is fine. However, he never really recovered from his virus of a couple weeks ago and another trip to the doctor revealed double ear infections, sinusitis, and possibly pneumonia (we are still waiting for the radiologist to formally review the x-rays). Two and a half weeks with a very sick baby have not been fun. Fortunately, I have not gotten any of the creeping crud, I just feel pretty run down after many nights of little to no sleep and constant nursing. It has literally been a return to the newborn days. I wish that I could say that he was feeling better, but not yet. Hopefully, soon. Poor Little Man.

Also, I haven't been able to write about (and still really can't) the other thing that has been troubling me. M and I just aren't getting along very well lately. In what I consider a rather ironic twist, now that we have Will and the drama of conception and sustaining a pregnancy are in the past, it seems as if our relationship is faltering. I know that many new parents face this, but there is a lot more to it than I can write about here, for the privacy of my marriage and my husband. Suffice to say that things aren't going well and it honestly breaks my heart.

Add to that the regular blah blah blah of life, and it's just been a rough few weeks. But I have been reading (if not commenting) when I have had a few free moments. There have been some wonderful things going on in the community lately and I am so glad for all of the miracles that are out there.

Spring Fever

Sorry for the silence. We've been a bit busy here, with Will's first serious fever. The ear infection was bad, but he never really seemed that sick, with the exception of interrupted sleep. So this was my first real introduction to life with a sick baby. I can tell you, it was not fun.

Tuesday, he started with a runny nose and just general grumpiness. By Tuesday night, he was refusing all solid food and extremely fussy. We put him to bed early, in the hopes that a little extra rest might do the trick. Two hours later, his weak cries (so unlike his usual screams if he calls for me in the middle of the night), brought me into his room, where I could feel the heat coming from his little body before I even touched him.

With a temperature of 104.3 that did not respond to Tyl.enol or Mo.trin, we found ourselves at the pediatrician on Wednesday afternoon. Poor Little Man was definitely not a happy camper. The doctor gave him a thorough exam and decided that it was a virus and prescribed Comfort Care (all the fluid, loves, and snuggles he wanted) to get him through. Since we had already been doing that, it seemed a bit of a waste of time, but at least we were assured that nothing serious was wrong with him.

All he wanted to do was nurse, nurse, nurse. He didn't want solids, didn't want to sleep in his crib, didn't want to play, didn't want to do anything but have a boob in his mouth. So, we both went to bed and pretty much camped out there. My breasts are pretty sore after a few days of constant nursing, but Will is finally feeling better. Thank goodness!

Tear Free, My Arse

Dear Target,

Your store brand big bottle of so-called Tear Free Baby Wash & Shampoo is so not tear free. Just ask my seven month old son who screamed as loudly as he did for his six month vaccinations when some of the suds got into his eye last night. His left eye was still red when he woke up this morning.

This reminds me of the time I bought your version of Des.itin. The fish stank was almost impossible to get out of his jammies. Seriously, that stuff is awful.

I have learned my lesson, Target, and will not be purchasing any more of your store brand baby products. Oh, and I am still mad about the Car Seat Incident.

Sincerely,

A Not Very Happy Momma

The Long and Winding Road

As anyone who has even whispered the word Clo.mid knows, infertility can wreck havoc on even the most solid of relationships. In most areas, I feel as my marriage was strengthened by our Battle For Baby. However, one facet of our lives was definitely hit hard and, surprise, surprise, we are still feeling the ramifications of it.

For three years, our sex life was about one thing and one thing only: procreation. While any biology book can tell you that sperm + egg = baby, it doesn't tell you what happens when the equation doesn't balance out, when a baby isn't the result of sperm + egg. There is frustration, silent (and not so silent) blame, anger, sadness, and probably most of all, fear. This does not make a good recipe for success in the bedroom.

Early on, right after our first miscarriage, M found one of the calendars that I had started, tracking my ovulation, and warned me not to get "too crazy" about the whole baby making business. Yeah. Right. Anyone who read my blog during the TTC days knows that I passed Crazy Town after about the third miscarriage. Crazy was my middle name.

Fast forward to the days of swollen ovaries, on-demand sex, ultrasounds, shots in the arse, IUIs, blah-blah-blah, and of course all of the emotions that accompany those things, and crazy doesn't even begin to describe the person that I became. There were nights when my ovaries were so swollen and sore that the very last thing I wanted to do was slip on something more comfortable and entice M into the bedroom. So I didn't. I would just remind him that it was a "critical day," and my poor, exhausted husband would follow me upstairs where we would proceed to do the "deed" as quickly as possible. Ah, the romance. What made it even better is that I would invariably cry after we were done, fearful that we actually had been successful in conception and that I would miscarry. I remember wailing, "What have we done?" one time. Yikes.

Then of course, during my pregnancy with Will, sex was definitely on the list of "Are You Freakin' Kidding Me" during the first trimester and, to be honest, well beyond. I don't think either of us were prepared to deal with the aftermath if we dared to have sex and then, God forbid, something happened to the baby. And although I definitely had an increased drive during the first and early second trimesters, but the time we could do something about it, that was a thing of the past. And then I got pretty large and in charge and, though M would have rather cut his tongue from his mouth than to admit it, I think he found my pregnant form far more intimidating than sexy.

Add to all of this a heavy does of post-partum recovery and what do you get? A sex life that is still limping along to the infertility beat. We seem to be on different pages when it comes to frequency, desire, and just about everything else related to the bedroom. A night that might work for me is when M is tired from twelve hour days at the office and stressed about upcoming cuts in his department. A night when M is in the mood has followed a night when Will was up more times than can be counted and I am so exhausted that I can't see straight. There have been times when we both think, "Yeah, okay," and as we get started, the monitor lights start revving up, indicating that our son is the one not in the mood!

We've talked about this issue, but I have found that sex is one of those things that you kind of just have to DO. Too much talking about it (like most everything, really) just takes the fun right out of it. And there has been too much of that in the past three years.

I know this is not only an issue for post-infertiles. Many of my friends say that their sex life takes a hit after Baby Makes Three (or more), but I feel as if we have been taking the hit for a long time on this one. Our six year wedding anniversary is coming up soon and we will leaving Will with his Grandma for the first time overnight. Hopefully, we can use that time to getting things back on track.

Look At Them Baby Blues!

Updating from yesterday's post, Stellan seems to have taken a turn for the better. What a true miracle.

I have had some requests for Will pictures. I will post one here for your viewing pleasure, but I also wanted to invite you to take a peek at Will's private blog, which I update with slide shows, pictures, and more Will-ness than you probably even want to see! I do want to "know" who is visiting his site, so you can e-mail me and I will send you the link.