ETA: I have enabled comment moderation due to the latest comment from Amy (Anonymous) in this thread. Although I fully welcome different opinions on this blog, I cannot handle someone wishing infertility on another person in this community. No matter what content I choose to publish on this blog, one of its purposes is to serve as a living memorial to my lost angels. I will not let it become a hateful place. I will continue to accept anonymous comments for the time being, because I like hearing from everyone that's out there. Amy, I am sorry that you feel such pain in your heart right now. I feel sorry for you because I imagine that the place you are in must be a terrible one to strike out at another person like that. I wish you peace and that you have your own real live baby very soon.
So, I got the anonymous comment after my last post and immediately wanted to delete it. However, after I took the time to read it again (and a few more minutes to calm down), I have to admit, I see a bit of validity in what this person is saying. And if anonymous feels this way, there might be others that feel this way, too.
Anonymous, you had your opportunity to say what you felt that you needed to say and here is my response:
I know how you are feeling because I felt the same way. When I heard parents complaining about not getting enough sleep or time for themselves, I was irritated by it. I thought that they had no idea . The truth is that I had no idea how hard it is to be a parent and to be on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but being a parent is a very tough job. Being infertile is a very hard job, too, but I don't think that it helps anyone to feel judged for how they are responding to the day-to-day nitty gritty of infertility or parenting.
I am grateful. Every. Single. Day. If I come across as any other way on this blog, then I do need to do some attitude adjustment, as I never want to come across as not cherishing my son or the precious gift that he is. However, this space has been my spot for venting and seeking advice for a very long time. I am frustrated that Will is sleeping so poorly so I have turned to my trusty old blog to help me deal with my angst.
Also, to clarify the whole sleep issue, it's not the lack of sleep that I am frustrated by so much as my inability to "fix" it. Will is so much happier when he is well-rested and I feel as if a "good" parent would find a way to help him get the sleep that he needs. When I feel that I have failed my son, I second-guess my schedule for him, if he is eating enough, and whether or not I am too weak because I am not ready for full on "crying it out."
I know that others out there have traveled this rocky road of sleepless nights before me and I am not too proud to admit that everything isn't perfect in my post-infertility world. I humbly open myself up to the advice of others and I hope that someone else reading my blog will know that they are not the only ones up with their four-month-old multiple times a night. Because it does help to know that you are not alone, whether infertility or a sleepless infant is your foe.
Finally, I understand your need to not visit my blog any longer. I started this blog as a way to find support and to support others. Now that so many of my blogger friends are also parents, I continue writing here to find support and to support others. But just as I have the freedom to write about what I choose on this space, you have the freedom to not read it. I appreciate that you have followed my story and wish you the best.