Thursday, August 23, 2007

Things People Say

When people hear that I have had five miscarriages, they just don't know what to say. Which is okay. I'd almost rather that they not say anything, instead of saying some of the really lousy crap that I have heard before. These are some of the winners that I have heard so far - oh, and by the way, the comments I have added afterward are not things that I actually said. I usually muttered something like, "Um, yes," or something equally brilliant.

"Don't worry, you can always get pregnant again." Yeah, but then I will probably miscarry that baby, too.
"Well, at least you can get pregnant." And then go through the joy of miscarrying, I just love that blessing.
"It was God's will." Well, then why is it God's will that crack whores get knocked up and don't miscarry? Why is it God's will that a 16 year old can get pregnant and then tosses her baby in a dumpster? I know that I shouldn't second guess the Big Guy, but sometimes, God's will really bites.
"There was probably something wrong with the baby." And are you perfect?
"At least you weren't in your second (or third) trimester." You're right, that would suck. But this sucks, too.
"Aren't you over this yet?" I don't even have a witty response to that on cyberspace.

Yes, I hear a lot of crap. I also hate it when people who have kids complain about them as a way to make me feel better. They tell me how tied down they are, how they never get to do anything fun anymore, how I should appreciate this time in my life. They might be right, but it's pretty hard to enjoy what's been going on these past months. It has been one heck of a rollercoaster.


Debby said...

Oh I have heard all these before and more and am so amazed the the stupidity of people. My favorite is what my MIL says EVERY time my recurrent miscarriage situation comes up. I've had 3 - 1 at 10 1/2 weeks, 1 at 4 weeks 3 days (chemical...but I tested early so i knew i was pregnant for 6 days before I started bleeding - and pg was confirmed with blood test) and at 3rd one at 8 1/2 weeks. She likes to refer to my 2nd m/c as "you know back in the old days it would've just been a bad wouldn't have even known you were pregnant." She has said this repeatedly......most recently being today at lunch. I seriously think I may strangle her next time. Cause you know what, I DID know I was pregnant and I was excited and I experienced loss all the same. So SHUT UP about it! guess that needed to get out. Thanks for sharing your stories so I could vent about mine.

Katie said...

I get that one all of the time because three of my miscarriages have been the dreaded chemical pregnancy kind. I actually had a friend correct me the other day when we were talking about miscarriage. She said, "Now, don't exaggerate, you've only had two ACTUAL miscarriages." You know what, I don't even know why I call her a friend.