Simple Math

What do you get when you add the following?

1 weekend of emptying the nursery
+
1 full day standing on my feet at a national sales convention
=
Sore hips, sore back, swollen feet

My massage of last week was wonderful, but the lovely relaxation that I felt afterward is long gone. I honestly think that I should have saved it for later on this week, but then again, what shape would I be in by now?

I know that hip pain is to be expected with pregnancy, but I am a little concerned by how much my hips hurt. Just getting up from a chair causes such stabbing pains that I can't help but whimper. I don't think that I am a total whimp, this just really hurts. It's almost comical until I start to worry about what the next 12 weeks (or so) will bring.

Since this post is about math, let's stop for just a moment, shall we? There is one more very important calculation to note here: I am in the third trimester. Two-thirds of my pregnancy is behind me and "only" one-third remains. Can you even believe it? I can't. Not really.

I guess this is why, in some perverse fashion, I am glad for the aches and pains of pregnancy. Even though it is getting semi-ridiculous how I am hobbling around like an 80-year-old, it is still a reminder that my body is doing what it should and that this baby is growing as he should. For that, I am so thankful.

Exciting News!

Farah is in the hospital about to deliver Mini Vann!

Please go over and wish her lots of love and plenty of prayers!

Progress

Yesterday, we finally tackled the big project of cleaning out the nursery.

In order to get one room completely empty, we had to combine our guest room and office together. I work from home, so I have a lot of materials, supplies, paperwork, etc. that all had to be consolidated with a queen sized bed, antique desk, and our own personal computer. As any big project tends to do, it became an even bigger job than we had anticipated. We ended up having a few disagreements about what should go where, but ultimately, the guest/office room is done. It's definitely crowded, but it's workable, and we don't have overnight guests that often.

The nursery is deliciously empty now, except for his swing, bassinet, rocking chair, and some clothes that we have gotten as gifts and hand-me-downs. The dresser and crib get delivered this evening and we are going to buy paint today. We probably won't get to the actual painting until next weekend, so the crib will stay in its box and the dresser and other gear will get shoved to the center of the room so that we can work around it.

My back is sore and my hips are aching (so much for my massage!), but it feels good to have another major step completed on our way to getting ready for Little Man. Our first shower is next weekend and we have another two weeks after that, so I know that we are going to start getting some things. It is good that we have a place to put it all as it comes in.

Now, if I can just decide on that nursery theme. . .

Fabulous Friday

I pretty much have the perfect day planned.

It is Friday and I don't have to work today. My sales team won a regional award trip to Las Vegas. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to fly during this pregnancy, so I couldn't go with them. Instead, I got the money for the trip, plus today off like the rest of my teammates.

For our anniversary, my wonderful husband gave me a gift certificate for a ninety minute prenatal massage at one of my favorite spas. I haven't had a prenatal massage yet and I am pretty darned excited. The spa is located in a fun part of town, so I am meeting a girlfriend for lunch at an amazing New York-themed deli that I haven't been to in awhile. They have the best sandwiches and salads, my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Then, perhaps most wonderful of all, I don't have anything planned for after that. I was thinking about packing a few boxes up from the office to get the ball rolling on our cleanout, but I am leaning towards just taking the rest of the day to chill out. I can't do any of the major moving anyway, so I am limited in what I can do without my husband's help.

Either way, it is the start of a long weekend for me. And have I mentioned the ninety minute massage?

I hope you are all looking foward to a wonderful weekend, too!

Hello, Old Friend

I think my morning sickness is coming back.

When I transitioned out of the first trimester and into the second, my morning sickness turned into night sickness. I was fine during the day and could eat breakfast and lunch like a champ, but come late afternoon and evening, I was feeling icky.

For the most part, that went away by the 16th week, although from time to time, I have still had moments of nausea and even some vomiting if I eat too much too fast. Then, last week, I noticed that I was starting to feel gross in the afternoon and evening again.

The past two days, it's been undeniable. I just feel awful in the evenings. I am not too worried about it, because I eat like a pig during the day, so I know Little Man is getting what he needs. But I still thought it was crazy that "morning" sickness would return.

Anyone else had/having/heard of this?

Party At Our Crib

We finally did it! Not, not it - We are back on pelvic rest following the bleeding scare, although you can see where my mind is.

Seriously, though, after months of searching, we finally found our crib and dresser/changing table! They are being delivered on Sunday evening, which means that it's time to stop fluffing around. We have to empty out the office this weekend. We figured this would be just the kick in the arse that we need to finally get things moving.

Here is the crib:

Here is the dresser:

But actually, it's in this slightly ligher color called caramel, because the nursery is a fairly small room.

And I have narrowed down my choices for nursery themes to two. I am actually going to set up a poll, so please vote on the following:

1) Clas.sic Po.oh.

I have long been into Clas.sic Pooh and always thought that this would be the nursery theme. In fact, when I was first pregnant two years ago, I fell in love with the set that Tar.get has since discontinued. This set is also from Tar.get, it's cute looking, but honestly feels a bit "cheap" as far as the fabric quality goes. But it's still adorable and I have some great ideas on how to accentuate it. It's also half the price as the other set that I like.

2) Moons and Stars
My all-time favorite children's book is "I Love You This Much," which has a scene in which the baby rabbit says to the big rabbit, "I love you all the way to the moon." The big rabbit says back, "I love you all the way to the moon and back." I have always loved this book and the loving sentiment that it has. So, I thought what could be greater than to recreate that feeling in a nursery. This set feels a bit nicer and I also have some really fun ideas for this one, including some moon and stars artwork and stenciling.

I am really torn and can't decide. Please help by voting! Either way, I think we are going with a nice yellow color for the walls, once again, to keep the nursery feeling a bit brighter and more open to compensate for the small size of the room.

And for those of you picking that they are both ugly, please leave some suggestions in the comments. That way, I can get some other ideas.

He Whistles

Sometimes, in the depths of my own despair regarding our infertility, I forgot about how it all must have made my husband feel. We talked about it sometimes, but my husband is not nearly as vocal or expressive as I am. I know that the loss of our sweet angels made him very sad, but I also know that he felt the need to be strong for me.

I know that, on rare occasions, I would catch him looking at a baby with an expression that could only be described as envious and sad. I would have to look away, because to see his pain magnified my own. I already felt like an incredible failure and that I was letting him down.

One of the worst fights of our marriage was five days after the D&C with Gummy Bear. I was still experiencing the hormone crash and made the mistake of drinking wine for the first time in months. Not only was my tolerance lower, but seeing that I was already depressed, consuming alcohol was probably the worst thing that I could have done. I was by no means drunk, but I was uninhibited and started saying things that I normally kept in my head.

Finally, I just said it, "I think that we should get a divorce and you should find a real woman who can give you babies."

He was beyond angry with me. His response? "If you think that's all that I want you for, then you don't know me at all."

But I meant it. That night, and many others before and since, I couldn't see why anyone would want a broken woman. I couldn't see how anyone could love me when I hated myself so very much. In my heart and mind, I was preparing to leave my husband and give him the gift of freedom, to find that "real" woman.

We found a way through the darkness, but I sometimes think I was so obsessed with my own pain that I avoided thinking about his. Looking back on it, I was pretty selfish. I was depressed, I was in mourning, I had a right to be sad, but I know that I leaned on him far more than he leaned on me. I was lucky to have him as my rock throughout everything, but he wasn't as fortunate. Looking back on it, I think that this has been just as hard on him, in some cases, more so because he never felt that he could reach out to others as I did. Instead, he kind of shut down. He was still there, but there was an unhappiness beneath the surface.

This morning, as I was putting away laundry, I heard a sound coming from the shower that I hadn't even realized was missing. My husband was whistling. He used to do this every morning, and I loved hearing it. I didn't realize that he had stopped until just now, when I heard it again. It brought back a time that I thought was gone forever, where pure happiness just grabs you and opens up your heart.

He is whistling again. I am so grateful for that sound.