As Emma nears her first birthday, I am putting away the clothes she no longer fits. Folding tiny onesies and sleepers that she once swam in, I am then pulling out the clothes that are crazy big on her for now and putting them in the place of what she has outgrown. I know that, only too soon, she will outgrow these. And the cycle will continue.
This weekend, I was prepping the house for some guests for the 4th, and I wanted some mindless t.v. on while I did my housework. I flipped through the channels and found Father of the Bride. I found myself standing in front of the t.v. during the scene where he reflects on Annie growing up through the years, tears streaming down my face, thinking of the day when Emma will leave us to marry someone - or even just leave the house to go to college.
I got a little. . . emotional. . . right before Will's birthday, too. With his big day, however, I was hopeful that I would have another baby and get to live the infant stage again.
This time, unless things in my world drastically change, there will be no more babies. I am truly okay with that, it is the right decision for our family on all levels. I have been miscarrying, pregnant, trying to get pregnant, and/or nursing since January 2006. I've had quite a run. And that might be part of it, too. I spent so much time getting and staying pregnant and focusing on babies, it is very difficult to switch that off.
I know that a child growing older is not something to mourn. It is the way life is supposed to be. I am supposed to be celebrating. And, don't get me wrong, I am celebrating. I am so proud of my little girl and how amazing she is. I seriously lucked out BIG TIME in how easy she was on me in this first year. That is something to party about in and of itself.
But I still get a bit weepy as I fold those tiny little clothes that she will never wear again. And smile as I get out the new ones that she will wear tomorrow.