Tuesday, February 8, 2011

And So. It's Come To This

Some would probably say that I "baby" Will. He is 2.5 years old and is still in his crib with all of the sides on. We still "rock-rock" him to bed before each nap and bedtime (we don't rock him to sleep, but we do rock, say prayers, and sing songs and talk about the day together - it my favorite time of the day).

And he is still in diapers.

And we were all happy.

Until very recently, when the costs of two in diapers has really started to hit our pocketbook. I have a grocery budget and diapers comes out of that budget. For the last few of months I was scratching my head, as no matter how coupons I used or sales I shopped, I was still coming up short. Then, a trip to Walmart and $80 later, I realized why (let's not talk about why it took me this long to figure that out). Two babies in diapers is expensive. And one of those so-called babies is old enough to say, "Change my diaper, please, Mommy." So he's not really a baby anymore.

Also, now that most of Will's friends are potty-trained, he is starting to get interested. He last showed potty interest about a month before Emma was born. I was too exhausted to indulge him and worried that he would regress anyway, so I kinda sorta played along with it, but didn't encourage it too much.

The last couple of months, we've been talking a lot more about the potty. We bought fun underwear. We've watched his friends use the toilet. He watches us use the toilet. We talk about pee pee, poo poo, and potty more than frat guys.

So it makes sense that, last Friday, Will announced, "I all done with diapers Mommy. I wear underwear!" I was all for it.

Until I was four pairs of underwear in by noon.

The problem is that when he is naked, he will go in the potty and (to my knowledge) not on the floor. I am relatively sure that he "gets" the urge to go and understands it. But the second that he is wearing anything, be it a diaper or underwear, it's like he reverts. He will come to me and proudly announce that he "has to go potty," and I realize that means that he has alreaday gone potty. Sometimes, I can see that he has that "look" and I will say, "Do you need to go potty?" He will say, "No, I go in my diaper."

Here's the thing. Potty training just isn't a big deal for me. Sure, I'd love to have the extra cash back in my grocery budget. But other than that, I am just not worried about it. I feel like Will is "normal," and in my experience with my friends and their little boys, "normal" boys eventually potty train. I have watched friends "boot camp" their kids, bribe their kids, potty chart their kids, stand on their heads and whistle dixie with their kids. . . and I have seen that they all eventually get the idea. Boys seem to be a bit later than girls on the issue, but not always. And I have noticed that it actually seems like the parents who push it the most are the ones who have the kids who resist it the most.

While I want to encourage his interest in potty training, I don't want to do two extra loadso of laundry by 10 AM. So. . . what to do, what to do.

I'd say he is about 25% potty trained. That and $20 will buy me another two weeks of diapers.


Michele said...

We go through a lot of dipes around here... A lot... Like, 3 boxes, every month. They are $35-$40 or so bucks a box... So, I feel your pain... At 17mo, ours are too young for the potty, but we just got 2 potty chairs to begin getting them familiar with them. Really... What's the rush with making our kids into adults... I rock mine to sleep and love that extra quiet snuggle time. So do they!

HereWeGoAJen said...

I don't think you baby Will at all. He still IS a baby.

You might try some training pants. I bought two pairs for Elizabeth the other day on a sale website. (Mine are a different brand, but just like this: http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?cPath=60&products_id=177) We haven't tried them yet (potty training is not even being considered until we are back from vacation) but they are supposed to act like underwear but catch accidents. Then at least you don't have to clean up as much of a mess.

Jen said...

I wouldn't worry about PT-ing too much. I know plenty of 3 years old still in diapers. Jillian is very similar. If she runs around naked using the potty isn't a problem. If I put underwear on her, she treats it like a diaper. My approach right not is to provide opportunities and keep it positive. Lots of people have told me that when they are really ready it will be easy.

But yeah 2 in diapers is a budget killer. I've been stocking up on 20% off Amazon codes like its nobody's business.

alison said...

Up until a month ago I was all "oh B will still be in diapers in a year and that's fine with me" and then he started peeing in the potty at daycare... and asking to do it at home. So here we are, delving into potty training and the squirt isn't even two yet. I just bought the book Pot.ty Train.ing Boys the Ea.sy Way on recommendation from a friend, and it's so far very good. I'm all for easing into it, and I definitely have zero pressure on him. But when he says "momma, gotta poop! potty seat!" I can't really ignore it. So. This should be fun.

Nicky said...

My LL is also 2.5, also in a crib with all the sides up, also rocked for naps and bedtime, also still in diapers. I am not at all worried about any of it. Most of my friends' kids were potty trained at 3, even the girls, and yeah, pushing cajoling etc. doesn't make it happen any faster. So we're just following his lead. Right now, that mostly means lots of talk and watching other people (and occasionally asking to sit on the potty as a means of stalling bedtime). It's all fine with me.

As one of my friends is fond of saying, very few kids aren't potty trained by the time they hit high school, so it's bound to happen eventually!

Beth said...

My middle son turned 3 in December, and he is still in a crib AND diapers...and I'm not pushing a transition out of either one right now.
The best advice I've ever gotten (and stuck to!) from friends AND our pediatrician is: not to push any issue. And that is regarding to food, potty training, sleeping arrangements, and even dabbles down into his participation (or not-so-much-participation-for-the-first-15-minutes-of-each-class) in his new gymnastics class at the community center.
Kids do their own thing, in their own time, certainly. I remember feeling a lot of pressure from outside sources (ahem, my MIL) when it came to potty training my oldest, and frankly....pushing it with him made things worse! It happened when it happened....and I know now not to feel badly about it.
When he's ready and you're ready (two key components for success, certainly!) it will happen.

I totally get the whole extra laundry part of the process -- ugghh! --- my oldest recently decided that he was ready for night time training....and OH! the LAUNDRY! At 2 AM! Diapers definitely have their conveniences!!! :)

Hang in there, and meanwhile -- keep on loving and enjoying those babies, it passes all too quickly for sure.

Tracy said...

I think you're doing everything right. :) I tried boot camp with E&R because I thought they were ready, and clearly they were not. I would probably let him go naked at home and put diapers or pull ups on him when you have to have him in clothes...if he bucks it, you can explain why, and hopefully that will motivate him.

Evan has gotten so that he doesn't want to wear diapers or pants at all, but I keep telling him that until he goes on the potty, he MUST wear something! So, I hope we're close. Rowan, on the other hand, totally understands but is not the least bit interested. I'm confident that once I get one of them, the other will follow pretty soon thereafter. :) Maybe it will be easier with Emma, and you can get your $$$ savings there.

Tracy said...

Oh, and I totally agree with Beth.

Anonymous said...

I have 2.5 year old who is terrified of doing poo on the potty. I'm getting pressure from relatives because my step-sister trained her son at two using the ebook "The Three Day Potty Training Guide" (or something to that effect). So I don't have any advice for you aside from it's somethingto try if you want to speed it up. As a working mom, I don't get three days in a row with my son! :(

Annalien said...

I have found that just about everyone potty trains differently. My eldest girl trained at 2y 1m, it took her a week to be off day and night diapers. My second, a boy, trained at 2y 4m and took just under 3 weeks to be off the day and night diapers. (Both of course had slip ups after, but it soon stopped.)

What worked for me is the following: They need to be completely off the bottle. Once we start with potty training, we go full on. We don't sometimes put on diapers and sometimes go without. They need to wet and soil themselves to understand what it feels like to want to go. (I do use pull-ups when we go out in the early stages of potty training.)

What I have seen with my kids and friends' kids, if you want the process to be quick, you need to live with the mess. If the mess is more than you can take, then be prepared for it to take longer. In the end it is up to each family as to what works best - and Will will definitely get there.

I should add two disclaimers :-). 1)My kids appear to have great bladder capacity and control, which I off course cannot take any credit for. 2)My children are in daycare full day, so I don't have all of the mess to clean. (But I don't stop potty training in the evenings and over weekends.)

Anonymous said...

RE: potty training.

If you start at 2, you'll be done at 3. If you start at 3, you'll be done at 3. :)

Chris said...

Don't feel bad. You will not be sending him to kindergarten in diapers. Though I did actually warn my younger son's kindergarten teacher that he was just potty trained. He was a definite outlier.

He just about refused to potty train. I let him run around bare butt, and the moment I put the toddler pant on he would let 'er rip! I called Children's Resource line several times for advice.

Also, I cut the training pant up the side and installed snap tape. That way I could remove the messy ones without spreading the mess down his legs.

He was a very stubborn boy. But he has grown up to be a wonderful young man who is presently studying engineering in college, does his own laundry and pays for his apartment with a job.

You will survive.

(The diaper service was the same monthly price over a certain amount, so two in diapers did not cost more than one... and I had kids in diapers for a solid eight years! I would have had a break, but middle child was finally potty trained a year before the youngest, and they are over three years apart in age!)

Ludicrous Mama said...

Pfft. I still NURSE my 32-month-old (that's right. She's almost 3) to sleep every nap and night. I carry her round like an accessory, since she always wants to be held. My sister thinks I'm nuts and spoiling her, but Z is MY child, and I do what I think is best FOR US. So don't let others judge you, or feel you are being judged by others. They aren't in your situation with your kids.
And I have a load of panties in my laundry basket too. Z was perfectly happy peeing in her underpants for months. MONTHS. She also peed all over herself with no underpants. She'd sit in her little puddle and continue to play her computer game or whatever. She just decided she was ready one day. Or maybe it's that I just give her candy whenever her butt's on the potty. Since she loves candy, we had a lot of potty successes mixed in with all the shameless ploys to get more sugar. But the past few days she's asking to use the potty, instead of asking for more candy on the potty. I think it's because she's used to peeing on the potty now.

Ludicrous Mama said...

But if you let him run around nekkid, or let him pee in his underpants, just calmly tell him that someday he will put all his pee in the potty. Keep using positive, non-judgemental messages in calm, friendly tones.
My sister and her husband got exasperated and cranky, and thier 4-yo still has poop anxiety because of it.
(If you use 'negative' messages, like "don't pee in your pants" they their brains will drop the negative word ("don't, no, not) and just remember the rest "pee in your pants." This is true forever, by the way. Our brains drop the negatives. So instead say "remember to use the potty" and messages like that. (Or for hubby, instead of "don't forget dinner with my mom tomorrow" you say, "REMEMBER dinner with my mom tomorrow!)

Ludicrous Mama said...

But there's awesome diaper deals on Amazon, if you get the 20% off coupon codes in select parenting magazines. Join Amazon Moms for an additional 15% off diapers and such, PLUS an additional discount, I believe, if you sign up for the "Subscribe and Save" where you ask them to send the same item(s) to you every month or whatever. You can cancel the subscription to each item at any time after! Plus Amazon Moms get FREE 2-day shipping, no purchase minimum. I paid around $20-25 for the Costco-sized boxes of size 4 and 5 diapers. (around $35-40 at Costco!)

Mazzy said...

I am an Amazon mom, as well. Totally addicted. I get a 100 count box of Huggies shipped every 4 weeks for $22, free 2 day shipping. That's the cheapest I've found anywhere. I still have to occasionally buy some between shipments and I buy overnights once every 2 months, but the cost savings has been exponential since making the switch. (and my subscription service gets me free 2 day Amazon prime shipping on everything they sell--LOVE!)

Don't sweat the potty training. I keep telling myself the same thing, they ALL eventually figure it out at some point! I am just going on her cues for now. Some days she tells me when she's gone, other days, not so much. I think you are right, the more forceful the parent, the more stubborn the child. Why fight it?

Good luck with it, though!

Anonymous said...

I think your laid-back, no rush attitude towards it is just perfect. My middle son wasn't potty trained until he was almost 3 1/2 years old. He's "normal" - it just doesn't click with all kids at the same age. I've let mine wait til they're really ready and it's saved me a lot of sanity and, as you said, loads of laundry!

Joy@WDDCH said...

Each child is different - parents need to listen to cues. The ones that have the hardest times are the ones forcing it. My Abigail was over 3-years-old when she potty-trained and she only had two accidents in the very beginning. From then on it has been easy-as-pie. She goes in the potty every time, has never wet the bed, etc.

Sometimes I'll grab my 5-year-old into my lap and say, "Oh look at my sweet, sweet BABY!" and I'll rock her and play baby games with her. She gets a huge kick out of it because of the special time and attention. While she knows I'm playing around she still soaks up that fun time. Sometimes I'll even jokingly say, "My sweet baby, Mommy needs to help you get your jammies on!" and I'll dress her for bed. She never regresses (that'd be really weird at 5yrs old) and thinks it is such a fun game.

So long as everyone is happy... ;-)