Stay at home moms. . . what do you worry most about? What do you enjoy the most about being a SAHM?
Work outside the home moms. . . what do you worry most about? What do you enjoy the most about being a WOTHM?
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I worry most about forgetting something or missing something. I constantly feel like there is something I need to be doing that I haven't.
As for what I like most- the paycheck. Seriously, that's about it. I like knowing I can go to the store and buy my kid whatever (not that he always gets something, but that I don't have that financial anxiety can I afford this).
Hmmm...I'm looking forward to reading other responses to this post!
I currently fall into two categories: WAHM and WOHM - time equal to 40 + hours/week.
I worry about always being divided, and nothing ever getting 100% of my attention. I always want to be at home when I'm working, and I feel like I should always be working when at home. And is that really fair to anyone?
I worry about daycare - costs, schedules, my hours vs. grandparent "burnout" vs. putting my children in others' care. I've missed out on a lot in the last 4 + years....and I feel guilty about a lot of it!
I love being able to work from home, provide an income, and spend *some* time with my children during the workweek.
I love being able to provide great benefits for our family.
I love coming home to them after a long day of work, and hearing their squeals of delight, and picking up right where we left off earlier in the day.
I worry about going down to one income- will we be able to "survive"? Will I resent the changes? As a SAHM, will I feel too disconnected from adults/friends/the "real world"/insert here?
I know it all comes down to perspective and making a choice, and freeing my heart of all the unnecessary feelings that tend to creep in. I love my family, and I only want what's best for us.
SAHM, here.
I worry most about becoming "out of touch" in the non-preschool world. But I don't spend a lot of time worrying about that; I know I have skills outside of being mommy and housewife. Well, I don't really worry too much in general, for that matter; but that's just my personality. I'm good at not second-guessing myself and adjusting to what life throws my way.
As far as what I love...I love that I am here whenever my kids want a hug from mommy, or want to sing with me, or want me to play with them. NOT judging other moms that choose to work outside of the home, but I think that's the number one thing a SAHM can provide to their children: the presence of the most important person in their life at a time when it's most needed.
I have had the great opportunity to do both. I was a SAHM from 0 - 13 months, then WOTHM from 13 - 38 months, and now SAHM again.
I loved being home during the newborn to infant to early toddler stage. I got to see many of his "firsts" and we bonded in a way that I think is helpful to our relationship now. There was nothing about that time, except for maybe my worry in being a first time mom, that I didn't like. None of the mundane (diapering, laundry, naps, the gear, etc) bothered me.
In going back to work, I worried that it would affect our relationship but it gave my husband and opportunity most don't get to be a SAHD and bond with his son. I loved being back at work, contributing to my company, making a difference there while contributing financially at home.
Being home with a 3 1/2 year old is MUCH different than being with a newborn. I do miss the stimulation of work and the mundane bothers me much more but I feel so fortunate that I'm careful not to let anything bother me too much. I love shaping the life of my son and having a direct impact.
I like the paycheck and the personal time it gives me. I can take myself out for a classy lunch any day I want. I can go shopping at lunch. I can spend a lot of time on the internet. People sometimes even tell me I'm smart.
I don't actually WORRY about much but I dislike rushed mornings trying to get us all out the door and the stress I felt when she was a newborn and was still exclusively breastfed. That sucked, but was short-lived.
I like working, a lot. And just today Claire woke up and told me that she was excited to go to school and play with friends, which is nice to hear.
I don't know. I mainly use my worry up on ridiculous things. Like what if we all of a sudden have another holocaust type thing and I have to pick between my children like in Sophie's Choice. (Except I currently only have the one child and a holocaust is fairly unlikely.)
I think I enjoy the luxury of getting to spend all my time with the greatest baby in the world.
I'm a SAHM:
I worry I'm going to miss out. Oddly enough even though I stay home I worry that I'm not doing enough, not playing with them enough, not good enough for them.
What I like the most is that I won't miss out technically.
What do I like the most... Hmmm... I like being able to witness what my kids are doing on a moment to moment basis. I never worry about missing things; most people have their "firsts" with the babies and I'm like "Oh, yeah, that... they've been doing that for X". I like knowing that they reach for me or look for me, knowing I'll be right there. They get me 100% of the time (that they want me) and I get to really be there.
Worry... I worry about money, but I know I shouldnt. We get by and make do. Our kids dont want for things. But I worry about "what happens when"... But, otherwise, I dont really worry. I just feel grateful to be able to watch my kids grow up.
I'm really enjoying reading these comments. As for me, I hadn't really planned to still be a SAHM at this point (had envisioned MAYBE my son's first year, but now thinking until pre-school?).
I guess that's been the biggest worry I've had so far -- how much I feel I've lost control over my life. Having the kid be my 24-hour "job"/focus, all best-laid plans seem to go out the door, on so many levels. And I used to have things so planned, in control, organized, etc. Now, I'm a wreck. And I don't know when/how I'll get back into working again, either. Feeling VERY out of it.
That said, there are many SAHM joys and I am very grateful for this chance. A few that come to mind:
- I love the freedom to go with the flow each day, do whatever as the mood strikes us. Yes, kid must be kept happy and family must be fed, etc -- but I get to pick how. Some days we never leave the house, but some days it's a big exciting adventure out. Whatever we want.
- I love the occasional afternoon nap with my son, us both drowsy from nursing.
- I love being able to hit the stores, museums, parks, etc, at "off hours" when crowds are minimal (whether my toddler LETS me actually shop is another story, though).
- I love having a chance to really and truly put my family first (which wouldn't be possible in the field I work in, were I to be working). Though it surprises me how overwhelming it can be at times and how hard it is to take care of "me" sometimes.
- I love that my daytime wardrobe and pajama selections have sort of merged into one. Actually, maybe that's a negative sometimes. I definitely am not looking so fabulous anymore...
- I love being able to take my son with me to meet my husband for lunch once a week. When I was working, this was never really doable.
- I love the slower overall pace, the fact that no one has very big expectations of me, and I'm not really accountable for "showing" some sort of instant result. Of course, these are negatives sometimes, too. And I never can get used to someone calling me a "housewife"...
Hmmmm...
I'm a WOTHM, but with the advantage of having a very very flexible work schedule.
I like having time to myself when I need it. I like having time around other adults on a regular basis, to discuss things not related to infants and toddlers. I like that my schedule flexibility allows me to still have relatively relaxed morning, and also allows me to play with my child every evening, before settling into the normal dinner and chores and bedtime stuff. I like that I finally have child care that I trust 100% of the time, and that my son happily talks about the friends that he gets to play with during the week.
I worry most about finding good care for another infant, which is SO much harder than toddler care. And I worry about finding another job that allows me the same flexibility in my time so that I can have a relaxed breakfast and dinner with my child every day. And I worry a bit about being judged by my coworkers for always prioritizing my child above extra "face time" at the office.
Katie, I know you well. You are like my sister from another mister! You are a go getter and kick ass at whatever you choose to do. I know you will love going back to work (again first 6 months be patient, know it's gonna be hard but it will get easier!). I think for me it's been easy with the in laws next door and Josh working at home. I know my kids are getting nurtured in my absence. Not a prob. If it was a nanny I might feel a bit more guilty, but in my current set up, I feel no guilt...well accept when I get home and the kids cling to my legs and say "WE MISSED YOU!"
I don't think there is a good answer. The money is nice, the freedom and adult interaction is fun and I feel like it gives you a sense of your old self before babies. I love it and feel like I am accomplished, smart and making a better future for my kids. I never want them to struggle or worry and to see that I work my ass off FOR them. I also got to stay home with them for 3 full years. I did my time and I went back at just the right time for me. Ok, that's all I got. Call me dude.
Most of my experience as a WAHM has been a plus. I like my job. I like the paycheck. The time away from my kids gives me more patience when I am home with them. I can get some personal stuff done at work rather than doing it at home.
I don't like feeling like I'm always either working or cleaning my house.
I'm a SAHM.
I worry that I'm not making a difference or not doing enough - not being the mom my kids need, not doing what I'm called to do, etc.
I love that my whole life's work right now is my family. I love that I get to be here hourly for my kids. I love making lunch for my husband on the days he can come home for lunch. I love being my household manager - doing it all is my thing.
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