Left Behind

There have been a rash of pregnancy announcements here in the blogosphere lately. I am always so excited when good things happen to my blog friends, but I am starting to get a touch of the Gus. See, the thing is, these blessed pregnancies are happening to mywonderful mommy blogger friends who had their babies around the same time that I did. First, we were all going through cycles together, then all going through pregnancies together, then having newborns, and now. . . well, they are pregnant again.

And I am not.

Let me just stop right here and say that I realize this post sounds whiny. I don't want it to come across that way, but the purpose of this blog has always been as a way for me to process my feelings about infertility. I have been honest with my feelings here and I can't stop now. My feelings haven't always been pretty. I am not always proud of the way that I feel. I sometimes feel as if must be a pretty wicked person to be jealous of women who have been through hell.

What? Did I want my friends to have problems conceiving again? Would that make me feel better? Nope, not at all. In fact, it's safe to say, it would make me feel worse.

I guess it's just kind of that same feeling that I had before I became pregnant with Will. All of my friends were getting pregnant and I wasn't. All of my friends were staying pregnant and I wasn't. All of my friends were bringing home their Real Live Babies and I wasn't. I felt as if I was still waiting in line to get into the Mommy Club. . . and waiting. . . and waiting. . . and waiting.

Now, I feel the same way. I am stuck on the other side of the ropes again, this time waiting to get into the Second Time Mommy Club. Logically, I know that other people getting and staying pregnant has no real affect on my ability to do so. Emotionally, however, it makes me wonder, once again, what is wrong with me? Now even people that had problems before can have a baby again.

I do want to be clear, I am so happy for my friends. I do not begrudge them their healthy pregnancies, their wonderful Real Life Babies. I am thrilled for them and their families.

I just wish that infertility wasn't such a lonely process.

Hot Child In the City

Gah, is it ever hot.

It doesn't really get very hot in the northwest. A "hot" day is 80. We are fortunate not to have much humidity, either. It is our pleasant summer weather that makes our gray, drizzly winters worth it.

So, when it gets in the 90's, people pretty much wilt here. Very few people actually have air conditioning in their homes. It's just not really worth it for the occasional times when it gets unbearable.

When it gets into the 100's, as it did today. . . well, watch out. People are desperate for anything that will cool them down. I passed Costco at 9:15 this morning (it opens at 10 AM), and there was already a long line of people waiting for the 40 air conditioning units that were being put out on the floor today. I actually ended up talking to someone later on today who happened to be in that line. They didn't get a unit.

Will does all right with the heat. We have one portable air conditioner ourselves and it is in his room, so while the rest of our house in in the high 80s, his room is a lovely 70. When he isn't napping, I make sure to keep him very hydrated, with pedialyte mixed with his water. We escaped to a bookstore today and had lunch at a deli, just so we could stay in air conditioning.

I feel like a wrung out, sweaty old blanket after battling this heat all day. We have two more days of this extreme weather and then it should settle down. Fingers crossed.

More To Come

Will's fever is gone (it hovered around 100 for a day or two and finally broke yesterday afternoon) and he never displayed any other symptoms. He is still grumpy and not eating as much as usual, but I guess I would say he is "better." I always worry about ear infections, since he has had them in the past, and he is tugging at his ears a lot right now, but we have been to the doctor many times with suspicious ear-tugging, only to be told that all is well. He seems okay and I think I will just let this ride through the weekend.

Have I mentioned Will's obsession with kitties? We have one, but she is not baby friendly. She runs from Will whenever he gets that gleam in his eye. I know there will eventually be a cat-baby showdown, with claw marks on Will to prove it, but I am hoping we can put it off for awhile.

Anyway, kitty is the first word that I know he really knew what it meant. He had been saying it for a few weeks, but when I read him an Olivia book, he pointed right at the cat and said, "kitty!" He was rather pleased with himself. Now, his ability to recognize kitty has gone to any picture of any cat, including when we were at the grocery store getting dog food and he pointed to the box of Friskies with great delight, pronouncing, "KITTY!!! KITTY!!! KITTY!!" We got some chuckles from nearby shoppers. And when one lady asked how old Will was, she was shocked that he wasn't even a year. She said her kids weren't identifying things by pictures until 18 months.

I try not to (and only sometimes fail) google baby development too much. I got awfully stressed when Will wasn't crawling by the end of nine months and definitely started more searching, which is just a vicious cycle. A month later, I can't believe I was ever concerned. This kid crawls faster than I can walk! So, I have no idea if knowing and identifying things by pictures is early at eleven months or not. And I don't care, honestly.

Like crawling, he will do it when he is good and ready. I do my best to engage him in stories, identifying things in conversation, and helping him to learn in a natural, comfortable way. But I don't want to push him. There will be years of more formal learning ahead of him. I know that if I googled and it said he was supposed to be identifying three things by pictures by now, I would get stressed. So, instead, I don't google and am just proud of him for saying the one word. Others will come, I am sure of it.

Sick Day

Ugh, Will is sick. It all started with his very first temper tantrum at the grocery store on Monday night.

Now, I am not saying that Will is a docile lamb (far from it), and I know the tantrums of toddlerhood are waiting just around the bend. However, for his current developmental place and personality, this was completely out of character for him. He usually loves the grocery store. I don't go in empty handed. He gets graham crackers, water, toys, and books for his time in the cart, but he is usually so busy watching everything and flirting with strangers that I don't even have a need for my stash of tricks. Well, Monday night, he did not love the store. He did not want to flirt, he did not want to point at things and ask, "Wha wha?" (Loosely translated, we believe he is asking, "What's that?" as he will keep pointing and saying it until we tell him the name of the object in question. Then, he moves on to pointing at something else and asking again. Somtimes, he will even repeat the name of whatever it is.) He did not want his graham crackers, he did not want his toys. He did want his water cup, but only for throwing on the ground and then screaming in fury. I realized halfway through my grocery list that this was not gonna be a good trip and grabbed the last of what I absolutely needed and headed to the checkout. Will then proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs, throwing his cup, trying to press the buttons on the credit card machine, pushing my hands away when I tried to comfort him, and just generally being an absolute turkey. Having never faced this particular challenge with him, I really didn't know what to do. I was embarassed and didn't feel very well equipped to handle the situation. This was so out of character for my normally cheerful little guy, that I think I was more alarmed than anything else.

When we got home, I tried to feed him dinner, and he wanted none of it. Now I knew something was up. Tantrums might be one thing, but not eating? I think Will not eating is a sign of the apocolypse.

I did check his temperature before bed that night, and it was 99.0. Higher than his usual body temperature, but not a true fever by medical definition. He slept relatively well that night, but woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning, which is also very unusual. The minute M handed him to me for his morning nurse, I knew we were in for a day. His little body was raging with heat. I nursed him and then took his temperature, which was 102.6. Folllowing the advice of our pediatrician, I started him on a dose of Tylenol. His temperature remained in the 102 - 103 range all day yesterday, despite two tepid baths and the Tylenol. He wanted nothing to do with food, although I offered him lots of pedialyte and he was good about drinking that. It was almost 90 degrees here yesterday and my biggest fear was dehydration. He was extremely clingy and cried huge tears if I put him down, except if I put him down in his crib, where he still took two very long naps yesterday.

His temperature his still 100.8 today. He did have one extremely loose bowel movement yesterday, but only one. Other than the temperature and the lack of appetite, he has no other noticeable symptoms. I did call our pediatrician's office and they said to continue with the Tylenol and bring him in if he has a fever after three days. I would feel a bit better if he had some other symptoms, such as a runny nose or cough. This random fever is a bit unsettling, but I am hoping that it is gone soon and I have my normal, cheery boy back.

Let Them Eat Cake (and Bring Gifts)!

Thank you for weighing in on the whole Present Situation. We are going to just let it go and accept the presents that come our way - and be very appreciative of them. We are still striving to make this party about spending time with our family and friends and thanking them for their part in our lives, rather than turning it into a major circus. We have been to many first birthday parties and my favorites were the ones with the least fuss and muss. When too many guests, too many activities, too many decorations, too much whatever gets in the mix, it seems as if it stresses the parents and the Birthday Kid out. I still wish there was a way to have a party without people feeling as if they need to bring presents, but I guess that's ultimately what a birthday party is about.

I seriously can't believe this Little Man is about to turn one. He is growing so fast, changing so much, and just all around becoming less of a baby and more of a toddler. It is with mixed emotions that we start to leave behind the baby phase and move on to what is next. I am sad that we no longer have an infant, but so excited that we have a little boy.

And what a wonderful little boy he is.

Asking Misses (and Misters) Manners

So, Will is turning one year old in just a little over a month. We are in full party planning mode here. I am thrilled to be throwing a party to celebrate this momentous occasion, even if it seems absolutely impossible that Little Man is. . . well, not so little anymore!

Here is my latest party dilemma. M and I have decided that Will really needs nothing else. Seriously, it is ridiculous how many toys, books, and clothes he already has. We don't even have room for what he currently owns and shudder to think about the new additions after a party. We have kept his guest list to family and close friends only, but there are still over thirty people that I am pretty sure will be in attendance. So, we considered asking that people not bring gifts.

That being said, I always feel uncomfortable when the invitation says no gifts. To be honest, I usually bring a gift anyway and leave it in the car. If I see other gifts (and I almost always do), I go and get it. I just feel rude not bringing anything and it stresses me out more to have "no gifts" requested than to just go and get a gift. And I like giving things to children!

Instead, we have thought about asking that people bring an unwrapped new or gently used toy or clothing so that we might make a donation to one of our favorite charities. I wonder, though, if that sounds sanctimonious. While not our intention, does it come off as a "Look at us, how good, how charitable we are"? And, will people then just bring two gifts, one for Will and one to donate? Because that really defeats the purpose and will make it a big inconvenience for our guests.

So, then another option is that we could just donate whatever we get. But then what happens if people come over and don't see their toy amongst his possessions? Would you be offended if you found out that your gift had been donated, even if to a good cause? I think I might.

What would you do? And have you seen this done? What are/were your feelings about this type of donation? And if we do decide to go ahead, how do you think the invitation should read? At this point, I guess I am leaning towards just going the traditional route and not putting anything n the invite about gifts, but I am interested for a weigh-in on this topic.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Will is turning into a regular mimic. He loves to parrot back words. He can now say an impressive amount of words for a ten month old (in my not-so-biased opinion).

The other day we were at a family reunion and I was sitting with him on my lap (we are in major separation anxiety right now, more about that in another post) and visiting with his Grandma. She was trying to get him to say one of his newer words that she hadn't heard yet - kitty. Will doesn't do his tricks on command very often and he sat there, looking at his grandmother in silent reproach. She kept trying, entreating him with a "Kitty, kitty, kitty."

He turned his head away from her, choosing instead to focus on a lady bug that had landed on my arm.

I then said, "I guess that's a negative."

And Will said, "Negative."

My kid is a genius! :)