No news from either doctor.  I am in a frustrating holding pattern.

A commenter mentioned two alternative treatments:  TMS and ketamine injections.  Neither of those are viable options for me.  TMS is contraindicated in patients with epilepsy and my insurance won't pay for it, plus Dr. A won't do it.  End of story.  My insurance also won't pay for ketamine injections, as it is an off-label use of the medication.  A series of ketamine injections, not including the upkeep injections which are recommended monthly, is about $6000 in the Seattle area.  We simply don't have the money for this.  I already had an expensive, week-long hospital stay this year in March.

I don't have a lot to say right now.  My brain feels foggy and stuffed.  I am having a rough day today, where I feel anxious and overwhelmed.  As usual, my feelings are off kilter to my reality.  I have no reason to feel this way, but try telling that to my brain!

I spent three hours of my day in bed.  During most of that time, I argued with myself, trying to get myself out of bed.  I finally managed to do so and then talked my reluctant kids into a walk.  It is a gorgeous, sunny day and I was hoping getting out would help.  While it certainly didn't hurt, and I am glad that I forced myself out, I was anxious on the entire walk and have been alternatively in tears and having a panic attack since getting back.

I don't know what is next but I hope it is better than this.