First off, thank you for the kind comments left last week to my "Just Me" post. That was me being pretty vulnerable and admitting that this transition period has been a bit rough.
I was trying to figure out what is so different this time than when Emma was a newborn. Because, honestly? I killed in in the transition from one to two. I mean, sure, I had a few bad days, but for the most part, I feel as if it was a breeze for me. So? The difference?
1) The Baby Slept
Emma slept great as a newborn. She still sleeps great now. I can take no credit for this. She came out that way. There was virtually NO sleep training required for Emma.
But you can't hate me because I have also had rough sleepers that I had to train. Will was ROUGH on me. Drew has been ROUGH on me. I have a lot of rough weeks to go and I definitely think we'll have to sleep train him at some point, which I really am not looking forward to.
When the baby sleeps, the mama sleeps. And when the mama sleeps, the mama is much happier, healthier, and rested. I know that this will pass, and that someday, Drew will sleep through the night and nap without being held. But right now? It seems a long time from now and I am so very tired.
When I had Emma, two very good friends of mine had babies at the same time and were making the transition from one to two right along with me. Our second babies were all three weeks apart. It was wonderful, because on those rough days, I had someone to moan and groan about the rough days with. I had someone to brave the zoo with two kids along for the ride or to talk on the phone with when we didn't feel brave enough to leave the house. I could have playdates with these women without them judging me for the craziness, because they were going through the craziness, too. I didn't feel alone or isolated.
This time, I don't really know anyone who has had a baby recently; I know very few people with more than two children at all. I am also still in that weird "not really a SAHM, but not quite a WOTHM, either". My working mom friends are all. . . well, working, and my SAHM friends have created lives that don't include me. It's not as if I couldn't call them up, but they already have playdates and plans for most days. And again, I am not really up for major outings yet or really hosting any big playdates (a separate post. . . playdates are a lot of work).
So, I am lonely. My nanny is here every day, and I enjoy her company. But she isn't my friend, she is my employee. Not that we aren't friendly with each other, because we are, but I also can't exactly break down sobbing in front of her and how exhausted I am or talk about how sore my nipples are, like I could with a good girlfriend.
And it isn't that I am not in contact with my friends, because I AM, it is just different than what I experienced with Emma.
With Emma, I was prepared for another newborn like Will. I went into having Emma as some might go into battle. This time, not so much. I guess I was hoping for another Emma in terms of sleep habits. I had let other people talk me into the rubbish that I somehow caused Will's sleep (or lack thereof) in the first few weeks by being a nervous first time mom. I was hoping that my more laid back attitude would help.
So, while I was prepared to have Andrew, I wasn't as prepared as I should have been. I am honestly not sure that you can ever prepare yourself for the onslaught of a sleepless newborn, but you can do other things to help yourself, which leads to. . .
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS NOW
1) Get Myself Up, Presentable, and Out Of the House
Last week, I didn't leave the house three out of the five days of the week. Big mistake. Huge.
So, this week, I will get up and shower, put on makeup, and clothes every day, first thing in the morning, no matter how tired I am. This is not to say that I will not nap later, but I am not going to stay in my pjs.
And I will leave this house, even if it is to walk to the mailbox to get the mail. Preferably, it will be for a bigger outing, like (gasp) Target or the grocery store.
2) See Friends
I will start making plans with friends. Most of these plans will likely include at least one of my children, but I will also make a concerted effort to get out the house without a child every now and again.
3) Identify and Eliminate Stressful Times Of the Day
Making meals is too awful to even talk about right now. Even trying to make something simple ends up with someone(s) crying. So I am going to use my crockpot and put together meals that can literally sit on the counter and wait for us to eat them. I am using all of this nursing time to look up good recipes that can be thrown together in the morning when our nanny first arrives or during naptime. I am trying this recipe for Creamy Crockpot Spaghetti today. I will let you know how it turns out.
Bathtime is another hectic time, so I am going to start having our nanny do bathtimes during the day. On days that she can't get to it, we are skipping it. My kids are clean enough that missing a tubby here or there won't kill 'em.
So. These are my plans moving forward. That, and just to try and take each day as it comes.